Poetry

by Toku on Mindset, Poetry, Skillset

How To Discover Your Life Purpose In 3 Easy Steps

Each year at the monastery we did a retreat all about discovering your life’s purpose. It was a whole week of sitting in deep meditation, completing exercises about what our lives meant to us and asking ourselves why we were here on this earth.

My last year at the monastery I decided I was really going to go for it during this retreat. I was determined to discover my life’s purpose so deep, true, and powerful that I would have no doubt what my life was really about.

So I sat like my hair was on fire, I dug deep with each of the questionnaires I filled out, and I searched each part of myself to discover what my true life purpose was.

But nothing happened. All I found was fog. A deep and unrelenting fog that covered over every answer that I sought. It seemed like the more I dug, the more I probed, the more I searched for answers, the further that answer moved away from me.

This fog lasted for months and my meditation became like a dry desert devoid of life and insight. I felt hopeless, angry, lost, confused, and desperate for anything else to arise. But nothing did. The field of my purpose was vast and empty.

Then one day during meditation I gave up and something shifted, my purpose arose in me from a place I didn’t even know existed.

It’s so simple and yet each time I say it I go back to those hours on the cushion, that moment of clarity, and the expansion of my heart.

And I’d like to give you a little taste of that as well. Which is why I want to share with you a simple process to discover your life’s purpose.

STEP 1 – Study Purpose

To start, you need to study purpose and what it means to have one. A great place to start is the first chapter of Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Start with the End In Mind.

In this chapter, he invites you to do a simple exercise where you imagine yourself at your own funeral and you consider what people might say about you. It’s a confronting exercise but a deeply powerful one.

But don’t stop there. Consider other ways to discover your purpose. Write your own obituary. Sit in meditation with the question ‘Who am I?’ on every inhale allowing space for any answer to arise as you exhale.

  • Read Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer
  • Read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
  • Read the War of Art and Do the Work by Steven Pressfield
  • Read Siddhartha by Herman Hess
  • Read Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
  • Read Ruling Your World by Sakyong Mipham

Find other books and read them. I’ve read all of these and more. Become a student of purpose. Do ALL the exercises and the writing, reading isn’t enough you have to dive into purpose.

You may find that you have a clear purpose or mission statement, you might stumble on something deeply profound. If you do, write it down, sit with it, enjoy it, play with it, and be with it. Don’t worry about if it’s the right or final answer. Just be with it and see what happens.

STEP 2 – Thrash

If you’ve got a purpose statement or a purpose nugget now, great. If not, that’s ok too. Pick one. It’s ok if it’s a bad one, but pick something you’re going to practice with. Choose it powerfully.

Then put your whole life behind it.

If your purpose is to save the whales, then join organizations about saving whales, read books, do fundraising, talk about it with your friends, do letter writing campaigns, protest, and take trips to see whales in the wild.

If your purpose is to become a great writer, write every day, read every book on writing you can get your hands on, hire a writing coach, study other writers, take a writing class, analyze your own writing, and fight the demons of resistance. Write, write, and write some more.

Whatever you choose, put your whole life behind that choice. Really go for it.

Thrash like a maniac.

At some point, your purpose may lose its juice, if it does, stick with it a bit longer. If it doesn’t get stronger after the dip, it may be time to let it go. See if there’s something deeper there, if not, just choose another purpose and throw yourself into it.

At some point, you’ll see something. I can’t describe what it will be. It’s different for every person. It may not be a moment of total clarity, but something will happen and when it does, notice.

Write down your purpose. You’ve got a nugget now. A nugget defined by thrash and life, not just some theory of purpose.

A note of caution: phase 2 can take years. It doesn’t always, but be patient and diligent through this phase.

STEP 3 – Turn your purpose into a question

To be honest, a purpose is sort of meaningless. Your purpose may be to give a voice to children who don’t have one or to bring more magic into the lives of everyone you meet. My purpose is to serve those walking the path of awakening in a deep and fundamental way.

These are great purposes, but they are just bars. Bars which you measure yourself against. A good purpose is often a high bar and at times can feel intimidating, so turn your purpose into a question.

  • How can I give a voice to children who don’t have one?
  • How can I bring more magic into the lives of everyone I meet?
  • How can I serve those walking the path of awakening in a deep and fundamental way?

Then begin to answer that question with your life. Don’t worry about it being a BIG answer.

Sometimes the answer will be small. I can serve awakening by being kind to my server at a restaurant. By offering an acknowledgment to someone who upset me. By writing an article and posting it to my blog.

Sometimes the answer will be big. I can serve awakening by writing a best selling book, having a life changing conversation with a powerful leader, or founding a spiritual center.

Don’t be afraid of the big answers. Don’t overlook the small one.

Turn your whole life into an answer to that question. Become the answer.

Get to work

That’s it, that’s the magic formula. I get that it might feel daunting. Life is daunting. It’s this vast span of decades with no clear instructions. It’s this blink of an eye experience that vanishes before we expect it to. Life is a paradox and a question. What will you do with me?

But it’s a worthy question to ask and answer.

Without my purpose, my life wouldn’t mean much, not because my life wouldn’t offer value or have an impact on those I care about, but because I have to decide what it means.

My purpose is my choice. My life is about awakening, for myself and for others. This is my task.

Doing the work is worth it, even (and most often) when you don’t think it is. So get to work.

 
by Toku on Meditations, Poetry

Looking

You are looking for something.

Something to keep things interesting, something to keep things safe, a cook set for backpacking, a rack to keep your bathroom organized, a new recipe to try.

But you’re looking for it.

Googling, scanning your newsfeed, asking (for a friend), window shopping, reading reviews, looking at profiles, swiping.

You don’t notice you’re looking.
You’re completely wrapped up in it.

Then you stop and wonder, what is it that I really want?

And you realize you don’t know.

It’s a feeling. Safe and warm, right, good, smart, satisfied.
You know you’ve felt it before.

In bed on a Sunday.
By a campfire.
With a pet in your lap.
A small silence in the middle of a conversation.

You notice that in those moments you weren’t looking.

But it doesn’t stop you from looking now.

Because that moment felt so good and you felt in such the right place.

You can’t help looking, but you can pause, notice what you really want, and remember.

Life comes to us, like a shy cat in the afternoon.
If we are patient and defenseless, it may just curl up with us and take a nap.

 
by Toku on Meditations, Poetry

Be Still

With so much going on out there, now is a time to be still.

Take your coffee out in the morning, listen to the distant sound of traffic, and birds, and children.

Sit at night, with the lights all turned off and see how many crickets you can hear.

Be with people.

Listen to the sound of their voices lilting, hear their stories, their fears, their hopes, their dreams.

This is as good for leaders, as it is dear friends.

When there is nothing to do.
When you can’t see anyone’s smile.
When it feels like things are beyond comprehension.

Just be still.

And if you notice your own anxiety, or resistance, or grief emerging. Allow it to blossom into tears, into a desire to be held, into feelings deep in your stomach.

Be still with yourself.

Life is a mystery, one more apparent now than usual.
And just like an old detective, sitting quietly and observing the suspects.

Now is a time to be still, to listen, and to notice what you can.

 
by Toku on Meditations, Poetry

Wait Night Date Night # 10

I’d like to sit in bed and read poems to each other
The poems fresh in how we share them
Our own voices another form of poetry
Poems reading poems

I’d like to lay in the grass and stare up at the vast sky
You huddling close to me under a blanket
Stealing my warmth as you give me yours
We’d talk about the vastness of the universe and our own very short lives

I’d like to nap with you in the summer sun
Waking to a pool of sweat between our lazy bodies
The stickiness the only thing
Challenging the magnetic pull of our affection

I’d like to walk slowly through a park at night
Your hand through my arm
Talking about dinner and what your friend said to you
And what you might say back

I’d like to have memories of all this
These things that haven’t happened
And smile as we remember
What can’t be put to words

I’ve been told I have a streak of the romantic
Perhaps each day it makes me more foolish
And yet I’d like to find someone for whom being foolish was a vital aspect instead of a fatal flaw

I could just as easily be speaking of the earth
Or my own heart
And yet there may be a woman
For whom being like this

Brings a smile to her face
I may not have met her
I may never meet her

But once a week I sit
In patient love
With the divine feminine

I wait for the space for her to open
Inside me
As it may inside the world

 
by Toku on Meditations, Poetry

Cooking –

purreed tomatoes
Carrot
Some onions
A little oil
A little salt
A very little sugar

Slowly bubbling
The noodles
Clinging together

The chicken
Browning in butter and flour

I turn the tv off

I just listen
Crackling fat
Sizzling juices

A wooden spoon
Making a low rub
Against a metal bottom

Just a little sauce in a bowl
With a bit of starch

Red and white
Sharp tones on my tongue
Firm and liquidy in my mouth

It’s magic

I’ll never know why people think it’s a chore
It’s creation
It’s love

You are making love
That you can eat and taste and smell

My favorite part of cooking for myself
is how much I just love myself
To make something that tastes so good

 
by Toku on Meditations, Poetry

The Edge of Happiness

Happiness exists on the edge of despair
things held
just so
balanced on what is happening now
the fullness of the heart
the depth of the mind

I find from time to time
myself balanced there
being so content
in my tiny house
in my simple life

While also wanting company
while also wanting success
while also wanting things to be just slightly different

I stare down
at the bowl of despair

sometimes sliding into its white milk
and oatey flakes

sometimes laughing as I tip toe around the rim
looking with subtle satisfaction at how carefully I tread

sometimes sitting gently
with one leg
on each side

here and now
future and past

it’s so simple
to sit on the edge of despair

so simple to fall in

this happiness is so simple
and perhaps that’s the lesson I most need to learn

 
by Toku on Meditations, Poetry

The feelings are the same

The feelings are the same

That first kiss climbing the last few rocks and being struck by the view saying just the right thing on a coaching call

Remembering the old love feeling your sore knees fear that your business will fall apart

The feelings are the same there are subtle differences of course changes in the mixture

a few more hormones here a little more strategy there

but the feelings are so similar though the content changes

professional despair feels like the despair of being alone forever the exhilaration of adventure in love or in nature

the deeper I look the more the same I find

and yet the content the ego finds a new home to hide in the fear finding a new mask to wear the joy putting on a new outfit the excitement in a new dish or drink

the rollercoaster can only ever dip and twist in a certain kind of way gravity always pulls down energy always flies up

the feelings are the same but the content tricks us into thinking that if we fix the content the feelings will change

despair in deep blue and hard grey excitement in bright yellow and vibrant green love in endless red and soothing purple pain in bright orange and stark black

the feelings are the same deep down underneath the thoughts is a human animal painting with its fingers

 
by Toku on Meditations, Poetry

Half Way

Today I’m halfway through my vision quest and so, I offer you this poem.

136 days have past
136 days to go

To look back is to lose my breath
The grief, shaking on the floor, crying, wishing I could crawl out of my skin
The longing, deep and powerful and relentless

But also the orange
peeled slowly
the tough skin
releasing the soft center
my teeth
piercing the tender cover
the explosion of nectar

But also myself
falling in love
choosing me
my foibles
my flaws

and the simplicity
of just being with myself
penetrating all of my moods with love
becoming friends with
the parts
that seem, at times, so unfriendly

It is an odyssey
this life

An ordinary one

If the world wasn’t shifting around me
at the same pace as I shift inside
I’m not sure I’d notice
the experience in quite the same way

But it is
changing
unsteady
evolving

But I am
becoming
blossoming
resolving

So here I am
At the peak
or at the depths

or halfway down
or halfway up
or halfway through

But there is always only the middle of life
until we realize we’re at the crust all of a sudden

And more than anything
I find myself grateful

For my friends,
My teachers
My partner
the divine feminine

Who pours her love
and sultry beauty
and endless challenge
into every rock and crevice, I see

Who pours her love
into my heart
daring it to break open

Who pours her love
into chaos
begging me to grow and hold it all

Mostly I am grateful
and in awe

That life so full of tragedy, shame, violence, and madness
Can also be a life full of quiet walks with dear friends
A gentle opening inside oneself
An ordinary day

All at once.

So here I am.

Halfway
Between nowhere and nowhere
And yet
I can tell I’ve traveled far
And there is much adventure on the road ahead.

 
by Toku on Meditations, Poetry

Power

Power crushes those without power
It crushes them to death
And when those without create their own power
Power often finds a way to crush the rest

Power is something that is bestowed
Without reason, rhyme, or cause
We hold it as closely as our skin
And defend it with false entitlement and devotion to our laws

Power without reason invokes in us such guilt
And as we seek to justify, ignore, or blame
Power doesn’t seem care
It uses us the same

Until we gain humility
It treats us like a tool
Unless we see power for what it is
Power makes us all the fool

 
by Toku on Poetry

Loving Dead

We are already dead my love
So let us live our lives together
I’ll kiss your cold lips
You’ll hold my still heart

Our unborn children are already buried my love
So let’s give birth to them
And to their dead children as well
Generations of corpses
Around a Christmas tree

Our days are already counted
And summed up
And evened out
Let’s cherish each one

Every morning, a night
Our first date
Simpy us sitting beside a grave
And laying silently next to one another

Our grief is here
In our love
Our total loss
Our impossibility, imaging a life without the other

Let us choose this death together
And in it find our lives