Half Way

Today I’m halfway through my vision quest and so, I offer you this poem.

136 days have past
136 days to go

To look back is to lose my breath
The grief, shaking on the floor, crying, wishing I could crawl out of my skin
The longing, deep and powerful and relentless

But also the orange
peeled slowly
the tough skin
releasing the soft center
my teeth
piercing the tender cover
the explosion of nectar

But also myself
falling in love
choosing me
my foibles
my flaws

and the simplicity
of just being with myself
penetrating all of my moods with love
becoming friends with
the parts
that seem, at times, so unfriendly

It is an odyssey
this life

An ordinary one

If the world wasn’t shifting around me
at the same pace as I shift inside
I’m not sure I’d notice
the experience in quite the same way

But it is

But I am

So here I am
At the peak
or at the depths

or halfway down
or halfway up
or halfway through

But there is always only the middle of life
until we realize we’re at the crust all of a sudden

And more than anything
I find myself grateful

For my friends,
My teachers
My partner
the divine feminine

Who pours her love
and sultry beauty
and endless challenge
into every rock and crevice, I see

Who pours her love
into my heart
daring it to break open

Who pours her love
into chaos
begging me to grow and hold it all

Mostly I am grateful
and in awe

That life so full of tragedy, shame, violence, and madness
Can also be a life full of quiet walks with dear friends
A gentle opening inside oneself
An ordinary day

All at once.

So here I am.

Between nowhere and nowhere
And yet
I can tell I’ve traveled far
And there is much adventure on the road ahead.