UNEXECUTIVE

Unconventional coaching for extraordinary people

Looking

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You are looking for something.

Something to keep things interesting, something to keep things safe, a cook set for backpacking, a rack to keep your bathroom organized, a new recipe to try.

But you’re looking for it.

Googling, scanning your newsfeed, asking (for a friend), window shopping, reading reviews, looking at profiles, swiping.

You don’t notice you’re looking.
You’re completely wrapped up in it.

Then you stop and wonder, what is it that I really want?

And you realize you don’t know.

It’s a feeling. Safe and warm, right, good, smart, satisfied.
You know you’ve felt it before.

In bed on a Sunday.
By a campfire.
With a pet in your lap.
A small silence in the middle of a conversation.

You notice that in those moments you weren’t looking.

But it doesn’t stop you from looking now.

Because that moment felt so good and you felt in such the right place.

You can’t help looking, but you can pause, notice what you really want, and remember.

Life comes to us, like a shy cat in the afternoon.
If we are patient and defenseless, it may just curl up with us and take a nap.

Be Still

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With so much going on out there, now is a time to be still.

Take your coffee out in the morning, listen to the distant sound of traffic, and birds, and children.

Sit at night, with the lights all turned off and see how many crickets you can hear.

Be with people.

Listen to the sound of their voices lilting, hear their stories, their fears, their hopes, their dreams.

This is as good for leaders, as it is dear friends.

When there is nothing to do.
When you can’t see anyone’s smile.
When it feels like things are beyond comprehension.

Just be still.

And if you notice your own anxiety, or resistance, or grief emerging. Allow it to blossom into tears, into a desire to be held, into feelings deep in your stomach.

Be still with yourself.

Life is a mystery, one more apparent now than usual.
And just like an old detective, sitting quietly and observing the suspects.

Now is a time to be still, to listen, and to notice what you can.

Wait Night Date Night # 10

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I’d like to sit in bed and read poems to each other
The poems fresh in how we share them
Our own voices another form of poetry
Poems reading poems

I’d like to lay in the grass and stare up at the vast sky
You huddling close to me under a blanket
Stealing my warmth as you give me yours
We’d talk about the vastness of the universe and our own very short lives

I’d like to nap with you in the summer sun
Waking to a pool of sweat between our lazy bodies
The stickiness the only thing
Challenging the magnetic pull of our affection

I’d like to walk slowly through a park at night
Your hand through my arm
Talking about dinner and what your friend said to you
And what you might say back

I’d like to have memories of all this
These things that haven’t happened
And smile as we remember
What can’t be put to words

I’ve been told I have a streak of the romantic
Perhaps each day it makes me more foolish
And yet I’d like to find someone for whom being foolish was a vital aspect instead of a fatal flaw

I could just as easily be speaking of the earth
Or my own heart
And yet there may be a woman
For whom being like this

Brings a smile to her face
I may not have met her
I may never meet her

But once a week I sit
In patient love
With the divine feminine

I wait for the space for her to open
Inside me
As it may inside the world

Cooking –

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purreed tomatoes
Carrot
Some onions
A little oil
A little salt
A very little sugar

Slowly bubbling
The noodles
Clinging together

The chicken
Browning in butter and flour

I turn the tv off

I just listen
Crackling fat
Sizzling juices

A wooden spoon
Making a low rub
Against a metal bottom

Just a little sauce in a bowl
With a bit of starch

Red and white
Sharp tones on my tongue
Firm and liquidy in my mouth

It’s magic

I’ll never know why people think it’s a chore
It’s creation
It’s love

You are making love
That you can eat and taste and smell

My favorite part of cooking for myself
is how much I just love myself
To make something that tastes so good

The Edge of Happiness

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Happiness exists on the edge of despair
things held
just so
balanced on what is happening now
the fullness of the heart
the depth of the mind

I find from time to time
myself balanced there
being so content
in my tiny house
in my simple life

While also wanting company
while also wanting success
while also wanting things to be just slightly different

I stare down
at the bowl of despair

sometimes sliding into its white milk
and oatey flakes

sometimes laughing as I tip toe around the rim
looking with subtle satisfaction at how carefully I tread

sometimes sitting gently
with one leg
on each side

here and now
future and past

it’s so simple
to sit on the edge of despair

so simple to fall in

this happiness is so simple
and perhaps that’s the lesson I most need to learn