Everyone Should Have A Warning Label – Here’s mine
Everyone Should Have A Warning Label – Here’s mine
“You have more influence to bring about change than you might think, but the key is knowing what to do with different kinds of people.” – Necessary Endings, page 122
“When the truth presents itself, the wise person sees the light, takes it in, and makes adjustments” says Dr. Cloud.
Because they can handle feedback and will truly use it to make changes, the way to deal with people in this category is to keep talking. Discussing the issues and exploring ways to change is effective because no one is discounting behaviors or making excuses. The truth is laid out on the table so that real solutions can emerge and meaningful change can occur. A wise person gives you a real reason to have hope that things will be different.
“The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it.” Conversations with foolish people are the most frustrating because it feels like you are talking to a wall. They never seem to hear the feedback.
So, the way to deal with a foolish person is simple: stop talking. At least about the problem. There’s a word for continuing to remind someone of a behavior that they don’t see the need to change: it’s called nagging. And it doesn’t work until someone gets hopeless enough to change. Instead, have a different conversation about a new problem: the fact that talking doesn’t help.
In other words, you need to have a necessary ending of the pattern by no longer talking about the problem but by using a new strategy of setting limits and establishing consequences for the problem. Limits protect you from the fool’s collateral damage, and doing something that causes them to feel the consequences of their behavior may help them feel hopeless enough to turn around. In this way, you transfer the need for them to perform from your shoulders and onto theirs.
“Do not hope for the evil persons to change. It could happen, and it does, but does not happen by giving in to them, reasoning with them, or giving them another chance to hurt you. It happens when they finally are subject to limits that force them to change. Jail does some people good.”
The best way Dr. Cloud could explain how to deal with evil people is to quote a Warren Zevon song, “Lawyers, Guns and Money.” When Dr. Cloud quotes the words from that song, he may do it for effect, but he’s absolutely serious. You can’t reason with evil people, so you need to protect yourself with lawyers, guns (police), and money. This may be the case for some women in abusive relationships where they need to get restraining orders, or in businesses where people try to sabotage your company or reputation.
There are three ways to look at death and all of them are wrong.
1. Death as an inevitable tragedy.
We wonder at it, avoid thinking about it, honor it in predictable ways, and fetishize it all at once.
This is the death of black veils and funeral rites. It’s the death of people passing.
This death is written about in obituaries with the lines of people preceded by or survived by into death.
The death we watch in the movies but want to avoid dealing with in the news.
It’s the death happening to someone else.
2. Death as a gift.
It’s a reminder to “LIVE LIFE!” and go after your dreams. To invite you into mindfulness and gratitude.
This is the death of bucket lists and fighting cancer.
This is the death of final words and last times.
It’s the death that people wonder at, that inspires us to live, and that makes heroes out of those that enter its warm embrace with dignity and courage.
3. Death as a scientific reality.
This is the death we see in statistics. The death of doctors and public health officials. It’s the death of lab rats and experimental bunnies. It’s the death of our food, the chickens, cows, and pigs that fill our bellies.
This death is cold and clear.
It’s undramatic and unemotional.
It scoffs at reverence or meaning.
But none of these are the truth of death.
The truth of death is something much more personal.
It’s a relationship, though a reluctant one for many. It is the real specter of death that sits behind the woe and wonder. It’s more than a fact and less than a drama.
It’s the blare of a car horn before a crash. It’s the desire to know how someone died as if you’ll be able to escape that tragedy yourself.
It’s the desire to paint someone’s life with poetic meaning, in the hope of making death seem more approachable.
This is the death that aches when someone you love is separated from you. It’s the death that appears slowly with wrinkled eyes and greying hair. It’s the death that you bump against when you find a lump. Wait for a test result. Or look back at a stupid risk you barely slipped through.
This is the death made just for you. Crafted, monogrammed, and delivered specially.
It’s a death no one shares. No one can look inside. It is as opaque as it is deep.
And it is something we each must face in our own way.
So much of what we think of death is simply a script, a habit, a ritual. When its truth is so much more intimate and potent.
You can see this death whenever you want. By simply looking in a mirror. It’s the death you can’t escape. And it’s the death that you can use in whatever way you want.
This is the truth of death, only you can know. That you can never tell to someone else. And that you will carry for as long as blood flows in your veins. And a spark appears behind your eyes.
Oh, how lovely it truly is.
We often wait for the right environment to declare. It’s sort of like we have a seed and we’re waiting for the right environment to plant it. Except we don’t really know what kind of plant we’re growing. All we have is this seed, a small hard object, with potential.
When we develop the courage to plant the seed, a plant will begin to grow, as it does we can tell if the environment we’ve placed it in is right for it, is it getting enough sun and water? Are there bugs around that hurt it?
Our declarations are not so fragile, but if we are unwilling to plant them we never learn.
Start first by planting, by declaring, and then as you live into that you’ll know almost instinctively if you’re in the right environment.
Have you ever wanted to do something for years but can’t seem to find the time? The event is compelling, the trip inspiring, but the timing just isn’t right?
For years I’ve wanted to attend Seth Godin’s altMBA.
I heard about the potent impact it has on people, but I could never find the time. But with the pandemic in full swing and my dating life on full pause I decided to take on this challenge not to get anything specific, but to have fun and get back into the mode of creation.
As I take on this challenge I want to share with you some of what I’m learning so you can consider what is possible when you step outside your comfort zone and do the thing you’ve wanted to do for so long.
How altMBA Works –
altMBA is a 30 day SPRINT And they aren’t kidding
You “ship” 12 projects in 30 days – that’s 3 projects a week.
Some of these projects you do alone, some of them you do working with a small group, but the idea is to learn by doing, by staying engaged, and getting feedback.
My commitment to altMBA My core commitment to altmba is to have fun, to learn, and to connect.
The first project for altMba was all about goals. How to set them and how to present them in a compelling way.
Because my commitment is to have fun I thought of goals like an investment.
I choose what I want to create and I have to convince myself that this thing I want is worth the investment of time and money.
For me, that meant creating a “PITCH” to convince myself that I should invest in this goal. The goal for me was to publish a book for new coaches. A book I have already written by the way, but haven’t gotten out into the world yet. *
So I treated myself like an investor and made the pitch which you can watch below
Any goal you make is an investment.
An investment of the most valuable resource you have. Your life. If you’re going to take on a goal, you need to make sure it’s a sound investment.
Why wouldn’t you treat this as the biggest pitch of your life?
I hope my pitch inspired you in the same way it inspired me. Your life is so valuable, invest wisely, but once you do, go ALL IN.
Then I got some AMAZING feedback on my post.
The main things people mentioned were about WHY I was the one to write this book? Why did I care about it? What is the book really about? And what might I create in publishing it?
What it helped me see was that even when I am enrolling myself in a commitment I HAVE to keep why I’m the right person or why I’m doing something at the center.
I also learned that doing all of this is FUN and can be fun. It’s so easy for us to make things super heavy and significant instead of simply just enjoying the act of creation itself.
*Since this was written, the book has been published. Learn more here.