language

by Toku on Mindset, Poetry

Your Life Is Art

No one signs their name anymore. Not really. We make a half-assed squiggle with our finger on a digital screen. We scribble our name on documents, the letter collapsing and falling over.

I’m the worst at this. Except when I went to vote by mail. Then my signature was pristine, perfect, and crisp. I wrote it with care because it mattered. Because I knew someone was watching.

You might think that how you sign your name doesn’t matter. After all, the card company isn’t going to check it. The barista or waiter isn’t either. Even when I write “check ID” on the back of my cards almost no one asks.

And as a stand-alone occurrence, it probably doesn’t matter. After all I’m not singing the declaration of independence or the constitution.

Recently I started to notice this trend in myself, towards convenience, speed, and efficiency. It started to bother me. Because my life, your life is not a thing to be dispensed with, to be scribbled off.

Your life is art. Or it can be.

Last month I had a virtual date. At first, I thought I’d order us dinner. Maybe get some flowers delivered to her house. But then I realized that I could make art with it. So I made a website. Nothing too complex, it only took me an hour or so.

The website guided us through the date. I gave us a structure. The date itself became a form of art. I shared it with a couple of other people who were helping me out and they were both moved by it.

Over New Year’s weekend I went hiking. And the conversation I shared on that hike was art. It was about couples who go hiking. We spent a few moments together laughing and taking in the scenery. We weren’t concerned with the mileage or exactly how fast we wanted to go. The hike itself became art.

When I cook, I feel into the food. I cut the onions, making sure the carrots look uniform. I try to add different colors of sweet potatoes. I think about a garnish. So that when the dish is done, there’s texture, shades, and so much more. The food itself is art.

This is what it means to make art with life. Sometimes it’s dramatic, a bold gesture, a full on production. And sometimes it’s incredibly subtle, like how you sign your name on a digital pad.

Making art with your life is possible, here’s how.

1) Notice what you don’t notice:

There are places where all of us take things for granted. The way our love kisses us in the morning. The way you make your coffee. The way you brush your teeth. These places are rich repositories and opportunities to create art with your life.

Your relationships are filled with small moments of unconsciousness and routine. So simply start noticing what you don’t notice, what you step over, and what you take for granted.

2) Look at it from a new perspective:

There are things we get through and there are things we create through. We get through waiting for the plane to board. We create through writing a birthday card for someone we love. We get through washing the dishes. We create through cooking a special meal as a treat for ourselves.

Everything that is a ‘get through’ moment can become a ‘create through’ moment.

I learned this really well when I worked in the kitchen at the Zen Monastery I lived at for two years. In kitchen practice everything we did was infused with mindfulness and compassion. We cut carrots with love. We stirred pots with deep presence.

I swear you could taste it in the food. And you could certainly feel it as you cooked.

What we were doing was no different than what is done in commercial kitchens all over the world, but it felt different.

We took a perspective of wonder, curiosity, and attention to what we did.

After you notice what you didn’t notice, try to look at it differently. See if you can see it as an invitation into creation. Ask yourself how could I create through this?

3) Answer the question “How could I create through this?”

The next step is simple. You answer the question, with an I could.

I could write poems at the bus stop.
I could connect with my Uber driver.
I could draw a small masterpiece on the coffee shop Ipad.
I add a garnish to my dinner.
I could really connect with my beloved as we say goodbye.
I could be fascinated by my child’s day even if it’s so simple.

You don’t have to do all of these things. You don’t have to do any of them. This isn’t about finding what you ‘should’ do or the ‘right thing’ to do. That’s not the nature of art.

This isn’t painting by numbers.

You’re just looking at what you COULD do. If making art with your life is new, you can spend some time here. Just dreaming. Thinking of things to try. You can’t stay here, but it’s a good start because you’re opening up new possibilities for yourself.

Slowly carefully lovingly let yourself be open to what’s possible.

4) Try something . . . anything

Once you’ve gotten a few ideas one will call to you. For me, the one that scares me or lights me up and turns me on the most will speak to me. So now it’s time to try it out.

I’ll be honest at first you’re going to be a bit awkward and clunky. You may get some weird looks, but you should try it anyway. You’ll realize you can survive being a bit silly and absurd. And often it will go way better than you can imagine.

Not all art is a success, but that’s not the point of art. The point of art is to create something new, to express something, and to allow that something to blossom and wither in a moment.

So try something. It’s ok if it’s not the boldest thing, it’s ok if it is super bold, but just try.

5) Learn and refine

Now that you’ve created something and put it into the world, refine it. Draw a different kind of sun on the coffee shop Ipad. Add a smile to your present goodbye kiss. Ask your kiddo about their day at dinner instead of when they get home. Try rosemary instead of thyme as the garnish.

Artists don’t just paint one painting and stop. They create and recreate. They try again, they add something else, they take something away.

The reason why learning and refining are so important is that they help you move from a moment of expression to a practice of it. Instead of making art an event—like an anniversary dinner—it becomes part of the ritual of your life.

This is the final step and it is the one you have to keep making again and again.

I realized that you might be wondering why you’d want to do this?

Why not just have a nice dinner with your partner once a year?
Why not just squiggle my name on an Ipad?

For me, the reason is simple. Life is the most rare and precious commodity you have. Especially your life. You’ve only got so many days, so many moments, so many chances.

It’s like you’ve got a box of crayons and they’re wearing down all the time and you never really know when you’ll get to the bottom of them.

So what do you want to do with them? You can squiggle your signature. Die of boredom waiting for the bus. Resent and cling to routine out of a need for control.

Or you can make art with them. Over and over again I’ve chosen art and I’ve seen the people around me who I most admire do the same.

So please choose to make art. It can be simple even mundane art. But even then, it will still be art.

And at the end of your life you’ll be so grateful that you chose to create through it.

 
by Toku on Skillset

The 3 Teaching Discoveries That Transform Relationships

A Picture of a Teacher

Photo By Nikita Kashner

The 3 Teaching Discoveries:
Teaching is something we do all the time. In romantic relationships, we teach our partner how to support us. Your boss teaches you how to satisfy their expectations.

Unfortunately, we don’t teach clearly. Our partners and bosses sometimes teach conflicting lessons. We do the same to them.

This leads to confusion, mistrust, and disappointment. To create more harmony we must understand what we are teaching. We must mold our lessons to create more clarity.

This post is about how to start that process today.

Being Taken to School
Last week at the Bhaktishop Yoga School we practiced teaching a sequence of poses to a partner.

After our first session, I noticed 3 things that apply to every teaching relationship.

Here are the 3 Teaching Discoveries I made:

1. We Speak Our Own Language –
Everyone has his or her own dictionary. This dictionary is full of references to their life. The dictionary works great, until we use it to teach.

We expect everyone to know what we mean by a certain phrase or word. But everyone else translates our words with their own dictionary.

We have to be mindful of what we say and what it means. Or we risk confusing everyone around us.

The String
For example, when I say,  “Put a string on the crown of your head and lift.” this triggers 100 actions in my mind.

‘The string’ is my short hand for this set of subtle actions. The first time I used it, I had to explain to my partner the things that make up ‘the string’ feeling.

After that when I used ‘the string’ she did most of the actions I showed her. This is possible because we shared an understanding of this phrase.

When you work with someone, you must find common ground. You need to do it explicitly and often, or risk confusion and resentment.

2.  We Like the Way We Learn –
I’m an audile learner and a generalist. I like to hear clear simple instructions and to get the general feeling. On the other hand my partner was very detail oriented.

I would get lost when she added more detail and I left out details she probably considered vital for the pose.

Meet Half Way
When we are teaching we must meet others halfway. If a person likes more detail, add a little more detail. If a person learns better by reading, write a note instead of calling.

Don’t sacrifice your own strengths, but also don’t become dependent on them. If we get stuck on our own style, we limit the reach and efficacy of our message.

3.  Be Present
Teaching my first sequence, I found myself buried in my book.I was so focused on my notes, that I lost track of my partner. This is a real danger when we fixate on our plans.

When we are teaching, our presence is the most amazing gift we can offer. A book or video can recite cues. Only a live person can see and adapt moment by moment.

This is the simplest lesson I learned and also the hardest.

MindFitMove Practice
Pick a relationship where you are in a formal or informal teaching role.
Thinking about that role bring these 3 things to mind:

  1. What is one thing I say habitually? What does it really mean?
  2. What is my learning style? What is their learning style? What can I do to accommodate both styles?
  3. When do I lose touch with the person I’m teaching? What cues could I use to return to being present?

Thanks for reading!

Let me know what tools do you use when teaching?

 
by Toku on Mindset

The ‘Right Way’ Part 3 – The Way of Love

In my last two posts I talked about doing things the ‘Right Way’. In the first post I talked about the things that underlie the desire for doing things the ‘Right Way’. In the second post I talked about wholeness of imperfection and how ‘Right Way’ contains, both perceived success and perceived failure.

In this post I’m going to look at whether ‘Right Way’ (as it is conceived by the critical mind) can exist and examine how intention can transform the skillfulness of our actions.

Usually, the critical mind thinks of doing something ‘Right Way’ as our ability to replicate others skills or actions with a high level of precision. The question is ‘Can we ever really replicate another actions? We know that no two people ever do anything quite the same way, for quite the same reasons. Everyone does things in their own unique way. Perhaps some actions are functionally repeatable, but the thoughts, motivations, emotions, and karmic causes of those actions are as different as fingerprints.

The idea of a ‘Right Way’ as a replication of others skills, creates an illusion of unity. If we act in this prescribed way, we are one with others who do the same. We have the same energy, power, and connection that they had. That is the power of ritual in our lives, but it’s a mistake to think that it is the accuracy of the execution that creates that unity.

To move as someone else moves is impossible. We do not have their same hands, eyes, and ears. What we can have is a unity of intention, a unity of the heart. Many cultures spend hours practicing rituals so that they are very precise, but if it comes from a love of precision itself the point is lost. It must come from a love of ritual, love of the expression, love of the tradition, or a love of the intention and energy behind the ritual.

When I cook something my mother cooks, my goal is not to produce the same dish exactly, but only to produce it with the same love a care with which she cooked. I can even hear her saying to me, “It’s not brain surgery.” The message my mother gave me when we have cooked together is that it’s about the intention, the process of cooking.

If your intention is good and you cook with love, then the results are likely to reflect that. It’s important to remember that the results aren’t just the end product. Whenever we try to do something, how we do it, how we feel about doing it, and the attitude we hold while doing it, are all part of the results.

With fitness this is especially true. To achieve a balanced life we must produce more than a leaner, stronger, and more confident body. We must also produce peace, wisdom, and compassion.

If working to do things the ‘Right Way’ helps us do this, then it is liberating, but if it only serves to make us feel inferior then is it really serving anyone? For me the ‘Right Way’ is the way that opens the heart. The ‘Right Way’ is the way that leads to love.

When I follow the way that leads to love, as opposed to the way that leads to perfection, I can see the results of my labor. I see those results not just in the end product of my efforts, but in every aspect of my effort. Even my perceived failures take on an energy of love and acceptance.

One way to practice with this is to reflect on an area of your life where the ‘Right Way’ has lead you to focus too much on the end product. What if instead of focusing on some external standard you focused on how the activity made you feel?

What if you paid close attention to each detail of each activity and tried to find the beauty in how you do it? You could try bringing in a feeling of love and compassion. Make dinner with loving hands, read a book with loving eyes. Does this change the end product? Does it change how you feel while doing it?

Setting goals can be effective and striving for excellence can be motivating, but they can also become a trap. Goals and standards can be especially sticky if they become fuel for the critical and judgmental aspects of our nature. It’s important to find a way to discern the difference.

The way of love starts within ourselves and grows out from there.  If you make your ‘Right Way’ the way of love then everything you do will be the work of growing compassion in the world. When we let go of outcomes and focus our energy on intentions the change can revolutionize not only the outcome, but more importantly the way we feel about ourselves.

 
by Toku on Mindset

The ‘Right Way’ Part 1 – Where does it come from?

I was recently talking with a friend about the idea of doing things the ‘Right Way’. It’s something we often obsess about in our culture.

Perhaps it come from the Judeo Christian background of the western world, or perhaps it’s just a side effect of striving for excellence and happiness; in either case it can very easily become a trap that limits our imagination, our ability to grow, and our happiness.

The ‘Right Way’ can become a beacon for us to shoot for, but also very often it is the standard by which we constantly judge our inadequacy. I’m going to take a few posts to really look at how this fixed idea of ‘Right Ways’ and ‘Wrong Ways’ effects our lives.

These won’t be posts that relate in a direct way to fitness, but I think very much apply to the mind that arrives at the gym or in the park every time we work out.

First off, Where does this idea of the ‘Right Way’ come from?

I once got into a discussion about the ‘Right Way’ to determine the difference between stuffing and dressing. Even though it’s very silly in retrospect, I gave what can only be described as a passionate account of the difference between stuffing and dressing.

I spoke with the conviction of an attorney working for Stovetop Inc. In the midst of my defense, of the purity of breaded poultry fodder, I realized that my entire knowledge of this difference, was based solely on a single article I had read the previous day on the Internet.

My conviction was unwarranted and the conversation, though clearly silly to begin with, had lept the bounds of absurdity, because of my forceful perspective.

So why did I argue for the ‘Right Way’ to define something of so little importance? When I reflect on this, I realize that holding this ‘Right Way’ in my mind gave me a sense of power, of confidence, of safety.

I felt validated and justified in my actions. Knowing the ‘Right Way’ gave me a clear identity. I was the person who knew the identity of stuffing. I was the sole arbiter of stuffed bread products (cue the heroic music).

There is something so satisfying about knowing the ‘Right Way’ to do something. It says so many things about me. I am competent, capable, and knowledgeable. Who am I? I am the one that knows.

It is easy to see why we can easily become obsessed with the ‘Right Way’ to do something. There is so much comfort for our anxiety, our fears, our doubts, and our fears.  Put simply, the idea of a ‘Right Way’ comes a very human need to know and understand themselves and the world around them. This ‘Right Way’ situates them at the center of a known universe they have drawn the borders around.

The only problem is, this ‘Right Way’ doesn’t reveal the truth about myself or the subtlety of the actions I undertake. Instead it trades the complexity that makes life beautiful, for the certainty that makes us feel safe.

I became so fixated on the ‘Right Way’ to describe stuffing, I lost all perspective on the absurdity of the conversation. I wasn’t connected to the person I was interacting with or my own intentions. Worst of all I became unable to take in new information and new perspectives.

Striving for excellence is great and visualizing can be very valuable, but when we get fixated on the ‘Right Way’ to do something, we lose what we sought. What makes us truly unique among the animal kingdom, is our ability to take in new information and greet new situations with curiosity and imagination.

If the ‘Right Way’ comes from a fixation on a particular idea or way of being, how right is it? If on the other hand, what if the ‘Right Way’ comes not from an idea of the end, but from the connection to the process? It’s all a matter of putting the emphasis on the ‘Way’ and not the ‘Right’.

This is the key salvaging excellence from the concept of the ‘Right Way’.  Our focus must be on the path, that leads us in the direction we want to go. Often our destinations rarely look how we expect them to and of course we as travelers have changed. The path on the other hand is intimate to our every step.

Excellence in self, in body, in mind is possible, but this excellence doesn’t come from seeking some outside standard, but from believing in the flawed footsteps it takes to get there. It’s faith in the path and the way, even if the scenery doesn’t match the post cards.

Take some time to reflect on what fixed ideas of doing things the ‘Right Way’ is holding you back.

What qualities are embodied in achieving that standard? Write them down. Then instead of comparing yourself to this Holy Grail standard, walk the path of the pilgrim. Do your best to embody the qualities that that standard holds.  Take up this practice of embodying qualities instead of embodying standards for a week and see what effect it has.

Your expression of compassion, of wisdom, of joy, may not be the same as those you admire, but its the way behind them, that is the same. Your act of kindness will not be there’s, but the quality of kindness is something almost anyone can recognize.

In this way you become one with all the great people who have gone before; not because you will do the same things, but because you will be walking on the same road.

Thanks for reading and be well,
Gentoku

 
by Toku on Mindset

The Illusion of Choice – Be Happy

I had a conversation with a good friend recently about the nature of choice. I realized that many of us have this idea that choice is a good thing, that helps us find happiness and peace.

After all, if I can choose what I want, then I will choose that which will make me happy. We fear being limited in our choices or from having our choices taken away from us. We are jealous of people who have more talents, more money, more friends, and more opportunities, because we think they have more choices than we do.

We believe if we were like them we would be happy, because then we could choose the things that would make us happy. But is this really true? If we had the ability to choose whatever life we wanted, would we choose one that actually made us happy?

Or maybe even more importantly, why do we think the choice to be happy is the same as the choice to choose whatever lifestyle we want?

Lack of choice is a human rights issue for many people, especially people who suffer under poverty or oppression. I’m not suggesting that promoting oppression would help people be happy, but I think it’s important we dispel the illusion that, more choices make us more happy.

I have had a lot of jobs in my life, probably just shy of 100 or so. I was able to have all those jobs, because I pick up skills quickly, I was raised in a stable healthy family, and I received a good education. I had lots of resources and I could have chosen almost any kind of path I wanted, but for years I made a choice to avoid life in subtle ways and to choose dissatisfaction.

So many people do this in all walks of life. Instead of choosing to be happy with whatever they have they choose to be unhappy with it. We live in a country with untold comfort and luxury.

Most of us don’t have to fear violence, starvation, rampant illness, or societal instability. Yet we choose to be dissatisfied with our lives. We are told that we should be smarter, wealthier, have more friends, drink more kinds of coffee, buy more organic food, be more beautiful, be more fit, and more, more, more.

Yet this more rarely makes us happy. We are hiding the fundamental choice. The choice to be happy.

This is the simplest and hardest choice in a way. It is really a choice of faith. It’s a choice of choosing our own flawed, complicated, imperfect, silly, awkward lives. It’s the choice to smile, simply because smiling both manifests happiness and is the manifestation of happiness.

It’s a choice to appreciate what we have even if others have ‘more.’ It’s a choice to let others have ‘more’ and be happy for them. It’s a choice to love ourselves and our lives just as they are. Sounds simple right? Yet it is a very hard thing to do, because there are so many forces inside and out that point out what’s wrong.

Our civilization is built on the ability to solve problems, but that means sometimes we try to find problems when their aren’t any. We have the brains of people who have tamed nature and crossed the globe, but most of our problems now aren’t at that scale.

At least the problems we focus all of this BIG MIND energy on aren’t aren’t to that scale. Instead of using this sledgehammer to pound at our little anxieties, what if instead we chose to work on a more fundamental problem: the problem of being able to choose to be happy.

Take time this week to look at places in your life where you are choosing dissatisfaction. What if you chose to be satisfied instead? Try smiling during the day even if you don’t feel like it. When you are walking around ask, “What look do I have on my face?” It can feel fake and forced at first, but remember smiling does create happiness. They’ve done studies. It’s like totally science and stuff. Try it out for yourself and see what the effects are.

If choice is something you value, try everyday to make the choice that is always available  Make the choice to be happy, at first is small ways and eventually in bigger ways. You will be surprised how this simple intention manifests itself in everything you do.

Thanks for reading and Be Well.
Gentoku

 
by Toku on Skillset

Listening to Language/Limits – 7 Habits

Whenever we do or don’t do something, it is rare that we are compelled or prevented from doing it. In reality we are making a choice of one action, over another.

We do this primarily because: 1. We don’t want to suffer the likely consequences of the choice, or 2. We don’t want to put in the effort to manifest that action in the world. In my last post we discussed language that fell into the first category. In this post I’ll look at the second case.

We often portray ourselves as having some limiting quality, that prevents us from achieving what we want. You might hear someone say, ‘I’m too old to get in shape, ‘ or ‘I’ve tried to lose weight I just can’t do it,’ or maybe ‘I’m too stupid to get a good job.’

In most cases these limiting qualities are our negative self image and talk solidified into some fixed view about what we are capable of. We do this ,as an excuse, to not make the effort it takes to get to where we want to go. It hurts less, in a way, to say ‘I can’t quite smoking,’ instead of ‘I tried to quite smoking, but when it got hard I chose to give it up, because I was unwilling to deal with the discomfort.’ To take responsibility means that we are admitting we made a choice. If we make ourselves the victims, maybe we don’t have to feel bad about our perceived failures.

Changing your life isn’t easy and if you’re serious about it, you are likely to fail in some way before you succeed.

We’ve been told that failing is bad, but failure is the ground that leads to success. I don’t like to fail, but every time I have a perceived failure at a job or a relationship I have moved closer to what I want.

I have gained knowledge about what job I don’t want and how to work more skillfully with a partner. It’s not the mistakes, rather it’s not learning from mistakes that we have to fear. We must be willing to fall short of our aspirations.

We must take responsibility of our choices. If we have any hope of changing, it will be us that manifests that change. No one can manifest change for you, you are the only one who can truly change. That is the burden and the gift of a human life.

In the examples above we can change our language to reflect our ability to choose. We can say, “I’m old so working out is harder than it used to be. I choose not to work out because I don’t like the discomfort it causes. ” or we can say, ‘I’ve tried to lose weight before, but chose to stop, so I’m choosing not to try again right now, because I ‘m afraid I might fail.’

When we read these statements now, we see that the speakers are making a clear choice, which means they could make a different choice. It also reveals the motivation behind their choice. In the first case it’s the discomfort of exercise, in the second it’s the fear of failure.

When we see these choices, we can weigh our options better. For example, for the first speaker maybe not being active is actually causing more discomfort than exercise would cause. Then again maybe not, but until we knowledge the possibilities a serious examination can’t happen.

In the second case, perhaps the fear of diabetes or other health risks is greater than the fear of failure, but if I’m not empowered to make that choice, it’s hard to see that I could actually prevent that from happening. Few things are as inevitable as we perceive.

By reframing the way we think and talk about ourselves and the things in our lives, we gain access to more power and more choice. We can acknowledge when we are limiting ourselves and see other possibilities.

Perhaps the greatest effect that can come from this change is a perception of control. I heard recently that higher level managers suffer from less stress, not because they have less to do, but because they had a greater sense of control.

Notice when you use language that portrays you as weak or that limits your capability. Take some time and reflect on the beliefs that limit what you think you can do. Ask yourself Is this true? Then ask, Is it really true? Finally ask, What if it weren’t true, what would that mean?*

Often the solidity of our beliefs are based solely on the strength we give them. We can use this truth to both bolster the beliefs that empower us, and to deconstruct the ones that hold us back. Fixed ideas lead many of us to suffering.

The world is a variable and changing place and our minds must reflect that or we are doomed to fight against the current of being. By seeing our choice and having a flexible mind, we become more free and more nimble in our response to life’s big and little challenges.

Thanks for reading,
Be Well
Gentoku

*disclaimer – This technique is one I heard somewhere, and is in a book, but I don’t remember what book or who wrote it. But I felt I should acknowledge it didn’t originate with me.

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by Toku on Skillset

Listening to Language / Consequences – 7 Habits

Again just a reminder I am reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey right now. I am using my blog as a way to take in the material with a mind towards teaching it to others.

There is a part of 7 Habits where Covey talks about listening to our language. Specifically paying close attention to when we use reactive phrases, as opposed to proactive ones. Very often when I talk about fitness or training I hear reactive phrases from people.

When I tell people about training for and racing triathlons, I usually get one or two reactions. Most people say some version of, ‘That’s great, but I could never do something like that,’ or ‘I wish I could do that, but (enter excuse here: I’m too busy, I’ve got a knee injury…).’

Few people acknowledge that they are making a choice not to do triathlons. Now I’m not advocating everyone should do a triathlon (seriously you should though), I’m merely saying in most cases not doing a tri is a choice, rather than the result of some outside force.’

Whenever we do or don’t do something, it is rare that we are compelled or prevented from doing it. In reality we are making a choice of one action, over another.

We do this primarily because: 1. We don’t want to suffer the likely consequences of the choice, or 2. We don’t want to put in the effort to manifest that action in the world. In this post I’ll talk about the first case and I’ll discuss the second case in a later post.

A clear example of the first case can be found in this statement: “I can’t work out in the morning, I have to be at work at 9:00am.” What choices does this statement hide?

For one the choice not to wake earlier before work or the choice to get more sleep. Another would be the choice to be on time to work instead of working out. Another would be the choice to go to work at all, instead of spending time on fitness.

Many of us would think the last choice is a reasonable and prudent one. The choice to keep my job, or to be on time, instead of working out seem like wise ones, but we still choose.

In truth I could choose to lose my job and work out instead. But if I don’t want the consequences of losing a job, then I’d be wise to choose work over working out.  In many instances changing our language wouldn’t mean changing our choice, but it does reveal that we are making a choice.

To use proactive language in the example above, you could say “I choose not to work out in the morning, because I want to get 8 hours of sleep and get to work on time.”

When we read this phrase we can see all the possibilities I’ve overlooked. Maybe I could go to bed earlier, so I can wake up earlier. Maybe I could choose to get less sleep and use the extra time to exercise.

By using reactive language we disempower ourselves. Instead of taking responsibility for our choices we paint ourselves as victims who can’t choose anything else. When we use proactive language we paint ourselves as capable people who are choosing what we want in our lives.

Listen this week to yourself and others, and notice when reactive language is being used. When you catch yourself or others take some time to think about the hidden choices.

How could you restate the some thing and acknowledge the choice involved? When you see those choices can you see other choices you could make?

The Buddha talked about karma starting with thought. Before any volitional unskillful act occurs an unskillful thought must occur first. By listening to our language we can reveal the illusions and delusions in our thoughts.

By taking responsibility for our language we can learn to take responsibility for our lives. Covey talks about this as the ability to choose our response. Change comes from choosing a new response to our lives and language lies at the door to this change.

Thanks for reading,
Be Well

Gentoku

 

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