mindfulness

by Toku on Skillset

Rebirth: 3 Steps to a New You

Sparkles_in_the_eyes, rebirth, easter, start over, a new life, a new you, mindfulness, mindful fitness, mindfitmove

Easter
So this is Easter. A celebration of new life and miraculous events.

No matter what your faith it’s a great opportunity to harness the energy of this holiday

In that spirit I give you
3 Simple Steps to a New You.

1. Death
Take out a pen and write down one thing about yourself your ready to lay to rest.

It can be a habit, a memory, a grudge, a guilt. Anything you want to let go of.

2.Birth
Next write down the new thing you want to be born to take it’s place.

It can be new habit, a new approach to life, a new feeling. Anything you want to manifest.

3.Vow
Then write the following statement:

This year I vow to let go of __________   by looking into it deeply and then letting it go.

To support this vow I will give birth to ________ by facing my fears and embracing a new way.

Repeat step 3, three times a week the first thing after you wake up for 30 days.

Rebirth
We are being born and dying all the time. But if we don’t set the intention to change we will be reborn with the same patterns.

Take the spirit of easter and spring to plant the seeds of a new way of being.

 
by Toku on Mindset

The Truth About Loneliness

Interdependence and Loneliness
As a Buddhist I have often been told we are all one inter-being.

We might imagine this as being different cells in the body of Dharma. Or perhaps even a subtle part woven into the machine of Karma.

Sometimes this idea seems perfectly inline with my human experience. Sometimes it seems in conflict with it.

The young attractive woman who is lonely The Truth About Loneliness Mindful Fitness Mind Fit Move

The Monastery
I lived at Great Vow Zen Monastery for 2 years.  I had many experiences of being part of a seamless system. It was an organic heart that shared it’s beat with so many people.

I also had experiences of deep and unyielding loneliness. It’s funny for some people to imagine feeling alone at the monastery. There is hardly any time where someone is not close at hand.

I slept in a room where other practitioners were a mere cubicle wall away. I could feel and most definitely hear their presence. Yet I often felt very, very alone.

The Experience of Loneliness
The experience of loneliness always comes as a sickness. A distinct longing to be seen and heard. A desire to be known in a deep and fundamental way. A hope and desire for intimacy.

Sometimes this longing manifests as a desire for a romantic partner. Sometimes as a distinct and dull depression.

It comes as a sense that something just isn’t quite right. I often wondered, ‘how does loneliness happen if we are all one being?’

Leaving the Monastery
Since leaving the monastery I have struggled with loneliness from time to time. Entering lay life is a challenge after the strict discipline and strong container of the monastery.

I have done many things to help contain my mind. Still, loneliness comes up.

Deep Connection
When I feel lonely I wonder if my heart is expressing its deep connection to the other human beings around me.

I feel a deep compassion and love. Yet my day-to-day experience doesn’t match the felt truth of inter-being.I live in a world with suffering beings one of which is me.

We are often caught up in our own agendas, our own ego games, and our own complex defenses to realize how deeply connected we all are.

This dissonance can amplify our suffering and lead to a feeling of disconnect and misalignment we call loneliness.

Nothing Is Amiss
Even though it is hard to bear.  I think part of me knows that this deep feeling of longing, the well in the pit of my stomach, is not a sign of something wrong with me.

Rather it is an indication of inter-being in my life. Even my casting about for new friends and new romance, demonstrates a true desire to be connected

No Cure
I will not any particular cure or remedy for  loneliness but rather a question.

How can I use the longing of loneliness to serve the dharma and strengthen my own heart?
How can we use the depth of this feeling to deepen our own connection to others and out understanding of suffering?

Accept It
Feeling lonely is hard no matter how you look at it. It is my own hope and deep wish that by acknowledging it as part of my reality and practice that it may offer relief to others who experience it’s effects.

Deep in my heart I truly believe that we love each other more than we are willing to admit. And sometimes it is only through this subtle pain called loneliness that we can realize the truth and power of this deep and abiding inter-heart.

This post was originally published in Ink On The Cat
ans subsequently published on The Under35 Project

 
by Toku on Meditations

Interview with Lori Deschene: Founder of TinyBuddha.com


Lori Deschene Founder of TinyBuddha
This week I was lucky enough to interview a person I admire greatly, the founder of TinyBuddha.com Lori Deschene.

Her blog  and Twitter feed inspires thousands of people around the world. She shares simple wisdom in the form of quotes, writings, and books. She also shares amazing content from many inspiring writers and seekers.

Before Lori published my posts on TinyBuddha.com I was a small blogger with just a few dozen readers. Because of her help my blog has gotten thousands of views and has hundreds of subscribers.

Thanks
I want to take this chance to thank her for the community she has built, the opportunity she has given me, and the inspiring example she is setting with TinyBuddha.com

If you don’t know about her or her blog please go over and check it out. I know you won’t be disappointed.

Interview
She was nice enough to take the time to answer a few questions for this humble blog. I hope you all enjoy her answers as much as I did.

1. A big thing about Tiny Buddha is sharing inspiring quotes. Have these sayings given your strength through difficult times? 

Absolutely! There’s one quote that’s impacted me more than any other: “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.”

This is one I found during one of the lowest times of my life, when I was living an isolated existence in a low-income dorm-style Manhattan building. I had no money, no friends, no self-respect, and, I thought, no hope.

But this quote changed my perspective. I formerly thought my circumstances defined me, but suddenly I considered that maybe I wasn’t the sum of my mistakes; maybe I could be the strength I found to learn from them and move beyond them.

This particular experience happened a few years before I started tinybuddha.com, but I continue to use this as a personal mantra. And I always reflect on the daily quote—which makes sense given that I often choose them based on what I’m dealing with at a given time!

2. Who is the most quotable person in your life?
Interesting question! I’d have to say my boyfriend. He’s someone I turn to for guidance and support because he’s insightful and wise beyond his years. That’s something that drew me to him initially.

He embodies all the qualities I aspire to possess: he has a sense of childlike wonder and presence; he sees the best in people and gives them the benefit of the doubt; and he knows that gratitude is the key to happiness.

3. What exciting projects are you working on right now? When can we expect to see them come online?
I’m working on a few exciting things right now! Sometime within the next few weeks, I plan to launch a new, responsive design and forums. I’m in the initial phases of building a Tiny Buddha iPhone app, which I hope to launch in a few months.

I’m planning a second site with my first ever eCourse (in partnership with my boyfriend, actually), which should be up by June or July. And I’m also preparing to launch my second book, Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Self-Love, this fall.

4. Do you think that using others quotes limits creativity or does it support the creative process? And why?
That’s an interesting question. I never really thought about whether it limits creativity, but I suppose it could for some.

I wanted to run the blog this way, having all posts start with a quote, because the site came after the Twitter account, which was a quote feed.

I wondered how many of us actually applied those daily thoughts to our lives; and I hoped that by encouraging people to share stories related to the quotes, it would inspire us to focus more on doing that.

Especially now that we have so much information at our fingertips, it’s tempting to consume ideas without really reflecting on them and doing something with them.

Requiring people to write with quotes in mind may limit the experience of writing, but I hope it enhances the experience of living!

5. What is your experience with mindfulness and exercise practice? Have either or both taught you any valuable lessons?
Both have taught me valuable lessons. Mindfulness has taught me that I truly can “start over” at any time. I don’t need to carry the weight of who or where I’ve been—every moment can be a fresh start if I’m willing to let it be.

Exercise is something I’ve learned a lot from, but I’m not currently applying those lessons very well! Since I moved out of my apartment a month back, I’ve been hopping around and I haven’t stuck to a routine. However, I know that I am happier and more balanced when I prioritize exercise.

It’s not just about my body—something I thought years ago. It’s about my overall well-being. It’s a big part of being good to myself, and it affects my ability to be good for others.

6. How do people transform their lives?
There are lots of ways—but I suggest starting by changing your thoughts. If we can take responsibility for ourselves without blaming ourselves, and challenge the beliefs that keep us stuck, we’re in good shape to start creating real change. Beyond that, I suggest focusing on the tiny things. It’s less overwhelming, therefore easier to maintain consistency, and, the small things all add up!

Thanks again Lori for taking the time to answer these questions. If you don’t know about Lori please check out her blog and twitter feed.

Posts I’ve written for TinyBuddha
3 Mar When You Feel Terrified: Come Out of the Panic Zone

12 Dec 5 Powerful Things to Do for Yourself When You’re Sick

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha, a community blog that features stories and insights from readers all over the globe. Since it launched in 2009, Tiny Buddha has grown into one of the most popular inspirational sites on the web, with more than 1 million social media friends. Lori runs the site as a group effort because she believes we all have something to teach and something to learn. She is the author of Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions and the Tiny Wisdom eBooks series.

 
by Toku on Mindset

I Love It When You Screw Up

WTF ?!?
WTF Are You Talking About?!?
That’s what the look on her face said.
I could tell she was tired. So I repeated it again.
“You don’t have to go down that far.”
“But I’m doing overhead squats!”
I love her, but she wasn’t doing overhead squats.
To be honest I wasn’t sure what she was doing.

I love it when you screw up mindfitmove

The Woes of CrossFit
Let me back up. This all happened the other day at Crossfit. I finished my workout and went over to cheer my partner on.

When I got to where she was lifting she seemed to be doing a kind of mini thruster. She would dip half way into a squat and then come up and do a shoulder press. That day we had to do 50 overhead presses and 50 front squats.

I thought she was doing overhead presses, but she was squatting down really far. So I told her she didn’t need to dip that far. That’s when she said she was doing overhead squats. I tried to explain the mix up to her, but it didn’t seem to help.

After a short discussion she realized her error. She had been doing an extra shoulder press with each front squat. She looked defeated.

Almost everyone in class was done or close to it.  She still had several reps to go.

I stayed with her and encouraged her to keep going. She made it to the end. But I could tell she felt stupid making that mistake.

We were able to laugh about it later, but I realized there was a valuable lesson in the experience.

Aaaaawk –warrrrd.
Grace is something most of us value. As a kid being awkward is painful.

You can be a nerd, a band geek, even an outcast, but if you’re awkward it’s the worst. So we spend much of our time trying to be smooth and cool.

This all adds up to a strong desire to do things perfectly and to never let anyone see you make a mistake.

Mistakes Help
The problem is that mistakes help us. If we are not making some mistakes, we are not learning. When we go for it we’re bound to stumble and fall. We may even embarrass ourselves in front of other people. But that’s ok.

Making mistakes helps us see we have veered off the path. That way we can get back on track.

It also releases our fear of screwing up. We see that making a mistake isn’t that bad. We didn’t die and often no one even notices.

 

The Value Of Mistakes

But our mistakes can also be a great asset to us. For example in the world of photography mistakes have led to great works of creativity. Take for example Jill Greenberg’s Monkey portraits. The artists reports in several interviews that she took the pictures by mistake. She was doing some client work and just liked the attitude of the monkey. And it led to an amazing series of portraits admired by photographers all around the world.

1

Just look at this picture for example. It shows so much of personality of the monkey all while still holding Jill’s unique way of lighting and painting the subject. She makes the monkey seems both very human and at the same time very clinical. The background reminds one of any studio portraiture and yet the personality elevates the subject to the realm of the human and maybe even further to the divine.

And yet this picture never would have taken place. Had it not been for Jill’s mistake. She executes her technique with great skill and clearly by this picture and the others in the series has a plan, but she’s also open to something random and new.

Ms. Greenberg went on to try other bold projects like that of End Times a series of works that depicts children crying. This project went on to get her in trouble with many people because well she made kids cry.

But much of her success has been due to the fact that she is willing to take risks.

Whether or not you feel that these pictures depict art or cruelty her boldness has served her well.

Disclaimer: No girlfriends were harmed in the writing of this post.

You Can Read My Partners Blog Wordsavant by clicking here. 

Photo Credits

 
by Toku on Meditations

Stop Moving Backwards - An Interview with Life Coach Jaclyn Costello

Have you ever waned to stop moving backwards, let go of the past, and really live your life?

This week I had the chance to speak with Jaclyn Costello from EnlightenLifeCoach.com
I discovered Jaclyn when  I read her article “Now is the Time to Heal” on under35project.com.

We talked about what life coaching is and why it’s hard to change your life. At the end she shares a great exercise to help us let go of the past and start moving forward today.

[vimeo 61387146 w=500 h=375]

Listen to Audio

Interview Questions:

Or Download Episode As A Podcast – Click Here

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1. Your website says you do Progressive Life Coaching, What is that and how is it different from regular life coaching or other types of self improvement work?

2. How did you get interested in working with people in this way?

3. Are their elements of mindfulness and fitness you use with clients? and if so how do you use them?

4. How can people transform their lives is a lasting way?

Jaclyn Costello Interview Mindful Fitness Movement

Jaclyn Costello Bio
I am a writer, professor, & life coach, living in Las Vegas, Nevada where I currently teach at UNLV and run my coaching business. I recently finished my first book of fiction (Artifact), as well as my first book of poetry (How to Be a Human)– both of which I’m sending out at this moment to potential publishers and agents.

After years of trial and error, I’ve chiseled down my life purpose to three things:

1) exploring the world, spirituality, love, and the far reaches of the human condition
2) expressing what I know through stories, novels, and poetry
3) helping others become empowered in their own lives, ease their suffering and fears, reach their greatest potential, create loving relationships, and achieve peace of mind

To read more about what I offer, come on over to EnlightenLifeCoach.com. Or to learn more about me as an artist/writer, visit JaclynCostello.com. All the best!

Finally I want to thank Jaclyn for talking with me. She was a pleasure to talk to and I really appreciated her wisdom and insight.

Did you enjoy this post?

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by Toku on Skillset

Do Stuff You Don’t Like

Do Stuff You Don’t LikePicture of Ship Wreck Door Hanger

I hate doing stuff I don’t like. I know BIG REVELATION, right?

I made a career out the pursuit of novelty and the art of avoiding challenges. I have a resume with over 30 jobs to prove it.
(Curious? I’ll list them all at the end of this post.)

My Life

Most of my life I have sought out the, illusive “cool job”

I always thought I was ahead of the game. I thought, “ If I’m willing to go anywhere to find happiness, I‘ll be happy.”

I would look around and find a cool job. I would purse it with vigor. I wouldn’t stop until I got it.

Once I got it, I would study it and break it down. I’d bask in the glory, because I had the coolest job in the world.

Damn You Impermanence
But, nothing lasts forever.

Inevitably, the novelty would wear off. Then I would be stuck in a job that was hard, that I didn’t care about, and that bored me to tears.

I went through this cycle repeatedly:
· Idea/Pursuit
· Acquisition
· Excitement/Love
· Stagnation
· Boredom/Frustration
· Abandonment

Eventually, I started to lose hope.

Maybe, there wasn’t a perfect job out there. Maybe, I didn’t have a calling in life. Maybe my life was pointless.

I kept looking for the perfect thing. Alas, the idea in my head never matched the reality on the ground.

One Important Thing
So, what did having all these jobs teach me?

No matter how many jobs you have, No matter how many times you change careers, you always have to do something you don’t like.

This lesson took me forever to learn. But, it taught me how I could work with doing things I don’t like.

KWITYERBELLYAKIN
This phrase is on a plaque in my childhood home. Translation? Quit your bellyaching!

This is the key to doing things we don’t like

As long as we bitch, moan, and complain about something, we can’t accept it. Complaining = Resisting, Resisting = Misery

When we accept:

  • We stop resisting.
  • We acknowledge a hard fact.
  • We set the intention to work with it.

I’m not suggesting you just give up and say, “OK, I’ll just keep the job I hate. Acceptance and discouraged surrender are not the same things.

Instead, we must accept that there will always be things we don’t like to do.

Great Wall

Border of Difficulty
Your border of difficulty lies at the edge of your resistance zone. Every time I do something that’s hard for me, my border of difficulty expands.

If I avoid what I don’t like my border of difficulty shrinks.

If I lived like this, by the time I’m my parent’s age I’ll be in a tiny box. My own resistance will surround me.

Choose Your Own Adventure
We have a choice. We can choose to resist and suffer and give into this cycle or we can choose to live our life.

We must embrace those hard things that make life better. We have to find what motivates us, when it’s no fun.

For me that thing is teaching, mindfulness, and fitness. Running my own business, I do things I don’t like all the time.

But I love working with people. I love helping people change their lives. So, for me it’s worth it.

MindFitMove Practice
Now it’s your turn.

Just answer this one question:

What makes or would make doing what you don’t like worth it?

Thanks for reading here is my job list (In reverse order):

  • 1. Founder of the Mindful Fitness Movement
  • 2. Political Phone Bank Manager
  • 3. Field Organizer for Political Campaign
  • 4. Enrichment Teacher At A Preschool
  • 5. Head of marketing at a Zen Monastery
  • 6. House Manager at a Mississippi Studios
  • 7. Ticket Taker Mississippi Studios
  • 8. Ski instructor at Timberline
  • 9. Merchandise Rep for Phil Vassar
  • 10. Merchandise Rep For Nashville Merch Company
  • 11.Business consultant
  • 12. Shipping Room Worker
  • 13. Stage Manager for the Gin Blossoms
  • 14. Guitar Tech For the Gin Blossoms
  • 15. Retail clerk,
  • 16. President of Indie Music Organization Start Up
  • 17. Manager of Artist Development Dist Company
  • 18. Rep for On Site Marketing firm
  • 19. Office Assistant
  • 20. Rep for Reggae Record Company
  • 21. Greenpeace Canvas Team Leader
  • 22. PIRG Canvasser
  • 23. Glass Art Salesman
  • 24. Paid High School Wrestling Coach
  • 25. White House Gift Shop Clerk
  • 26. Men’s Clothing Sales Rep
  • 27. Server at Joes Crab Shack
  • 28. Host At Romano’s Macaroni Grill
  • 29. Car Detailer
  • 30. Ran a Sumo Chicken Boxing Ring
  • 31. Baby sitter
  • 32. Bag Boy at Kroger
 
by Toku on Skillset

How To Make Every Day Perfect

How To Make Every Day Perfect
Today Is A Good Day
I lived for several years at Great Vow Zen Monastery in northern Oregon and I saw many people under go a process of deep and fundamental transformation.
The simplicity of life at the monastery, the daily zazen (seated meditation), and the acceptance by the community was an incubator for deep transformation. At Great Vow people face themselves, grow in wisdom, and cultivate compassion.
I watched myself face fear, loneliness, insecurity, anger, and my own impermanence. I watched myself change in subtle and then profound ways. It happened all in this container of practice, of compassion, and of wisdom.
The Schedule
The schedule at Great Vow is unyielding in its regularity. Most days are exactly the same and yet none of them are. The schedule creates a backdrop that makes observing internal dynamics easier.
The schedule at the monastery mirrors an enlightened state of mind. The idea is to emulate the actions of an enlightened being. I’ve come to believe this works no matter what you want to be. If you start living it, you can actualize it.
Today Leads To Tomorrow
For a few months after I left the monastery I struggled to maintain the peace of mind I felt there. The world is full of distractions and it’s hard to maintain clarity. The only place it seemed easier was when I was exercising.
So I took up endurance sports and starting training for century rides and triathlons. When I was out on a long run or ride I felt free. I started to see that exercise, when practiced mindfully, helped me maintain the same sense of calm I felt at Great Vow.
The Dream
That’s when I came up with the idea to start the Mindful Fitness Movement. I realized that even though I had left the monastery, I still wanted to help people transform their lives. I wanted to build a community and livelihood that would help me bring the monastery experience into the world.
But I had no idea how to turn this idea, this dream, into a reality. I’d never done anything like it in my life.
So I asked myself “If I were the pioneer and leader of the Mindful Fitness Movement what would my life look like? Who would I be? What would I do?”
What would tomorrow look like if my dreams came true today? The answer that came to me was so simple: I would live my perfect day. Not just tomorrow, but every day of my life.
My Perfect Day
Living the perfect day isn’t about avoiding problems. It’s setting an intention to live in accord with my vows, my dreams, and the life that resonates with my heart.
So I took out my electronic device and asked myself the following questions:
·       What would I want my perfect day to have in it?
o   Time with my partner
o   Exercise
o   Meditation
o   Study
·       What qualities would my perfect day have?
o   Productivity
o   Order
o   Creativity
o   Moments of Stillness
o   Fun
·       What would I have to do everyday in order to sustain this life?
o   Plan
o   Set goals
o   Work diligently
o   Focus on what’s important
 
 
Where To Begin?
Once I had my list I asked, “How would my perfect day start?
My best days had always started with attention, purpose, clarity and good coffee. So my perfect day would start with meditation, writing down my goals, and a cup of French press coffee.
What’s next?
After vows, I wrote down exercise. I like to exercise every morning and I know if I wait I’m better at coming up with excuses.
As my day took shape I felt my heart begin to race and a sense of ease came over me. As each line appeared on the screen my far away dream seemed more and more real. I couldn’t get there tomorrow, but I could move a little closer everyday.
Your Turn
Now that you’ve heard about my journey it’s your turn. You don’t have to change everything at once, but it’s so easy to take one step towards your perfect day today.
Use the questions I have above to start writing down your perfect day. Include things you have to do, but also things you love and want to do.
Start slow.
If you need to take things slow add one new element each week. In a couple of months you will be much closer to living your perfect day. It’s not about speed or perfection; it’s about consistency.
Start now
No matter what method you use, the essential thing is to begin today! The demon of time can eat our lives before we even know what happened. Your transformation has already started. It’s up to you to put in the small, subtle effort, that makes change possible.
You can start by commenting below and answering this one question:
What is one thing you would want in your perfect day?
Need help?
If you need a template I have included my perfect day below. I don’t live my perfect day everyday, but I’m working towards it all the time. I’m also happy to offer you help or answer your questions via email or Skype.
I write everyday on Mindful Fitness Movement about how to support the vital work of transformation. I hope you will click on my Bio so we can start a conversation about how to support each other in walking this path. I also have a special offer for tinybuddha readers to help you get started today!
My perfect day
•                I wake up and make a cup of coffee and talk to my partner
•                I sit zazen for 25 mins
•                I write down my goals and vows
•                I go for a short run do a short yoga routine or go swimming
•                I write a blog post
•                I come home shower and eat a light healthy breakfast
•                While I eat I read 2-3 blogs that inspire and educate me
•                I review my tasks from a list of the most important things
•                I complete one major task in the morning or make very good progress 
•                I have lunch with a colleague or friend
•                After lunch I do one hour of study
•                From 3-7 I meet with clients and groups, teach classes, etc
•                I come home and shower
•                I prepare and eat a healthy dinner while my partner and I share our day
•                I spend 30 mins deciding what to do the next day 
•                I read a good book or watch an hour of good TV
•                I brush my teeth and floss
•                I meditate for 10 mins before sleeping
•                I go to bed at a reasonable hour