May 14, 2013 by Toku on Skillset

Do Less, Change More – 5 Minimalist Life Changers

Changing your life can seem really complicated and challenging. The process of transformation is a life long journey, but it can begin with a few very simple steps.

5 Minimalist Life Changers

1. Keep a Journal
Try keeping a daily journal of your food, activity, sleep, and mood. This is a powerful tool to notice and change your habit patterns.

When I was preparing to take the Buddhist precepts, I started a daily reflection practice. Every night I spent a few minutes reflecting on the days events. I thought about how I had held the vows I was preparing to take.
I not only discovered some blind spots, but learned to appreciate my victories as well.

2. Go Small and Consistent
Changing your life is about building the confidence to change your habits. Start small and build from there.

When I quit smoking, I didn’t quit cold turkey like many people. I slowly cut back over time. Every time I wanted to smoke, I would delay as long as possible.

I called this practice quitting. When I stopped smoked completely, this practice helped me defeat the urge to cheat whenever it arose.

3. Get Support
Social accountability is a big component for people who are successful in transforming their lives. Having friends on the path makes the journey much easier.

When I was training for my first century ride (100 mile bike ride), I committed to riding with a training group every week. The weekly ritual kept me honest about my training and encouraged me to keep going.

4. Redefine Success
It’s helpful to think of success as measured by both internal and external improvement. Don’t just work to make your body look better also make sure you are nourishing your heart and mind.

It’s important to honor every part of yourself. The part of you that wants a treat isn’t bad or evil, it just wants you to pay attention to something you need.

When I quit smoking, someone told me I had to honor whatever need the smoking filled for me. If I did that, I’d make sure to stay quit.

One thing I loved about smoking was that it made me feel rebellious. So after I quit, I started reading under my sheets after lights out at the monastery. It was against the rules so I felt rebellious. But it was mostly harmless.

Eventually, I was able to put down the crutch, but it helped for a while.
If you feed that need without engaging in the same habit; you make better choices and honor yourself at the same time.

5. Believe In Yourself
Change is very possible, but it’s not a straight and easy road. You have to remind yourself often that you can do it.

Even though I have changed my life drastically over the past 2-3 years I still worry that I’ll slip up. I have to remind myself regularly that change is possible. And that I am manifesting that possibility with every small change I make.

I hope that you find these 5 tips helpful because they have helped me so much.

My number one goal is to help people change their lives. My dream for everyone that reads this blog is that you stay focused on your path and never give up on your ability to change your life.

Photo Credits

May 10, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

Jeff Bezos & A Famous Dead Italian Woman Endorse Handwriting Sales Copy?

Reblogged From CopyHour.com
I was lucky enough to get a guest post featured on the Copyhour.com blog It’s not my normal topic, but It something I thought you might enjoy checking out.

This is a fascinating guest post from CopyHour member Samuel Gentoku McCree of MindFitMove.

“Imitation is the first instinct of the awakening mind.” – Maria Montessori

What if I told you Jeff Bezos and a dead Italian woman convinced me to sign up for CopyHour? You’d probably think I was crazy, right? Except that’s exactly what happened. Let me explain.

Small Busyness

I started my company MindFitMove, a mindfulness based fitness and self improvement business, back in September. As I got things going I had the same problem . . .

May 3, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

Life’s a Be Eye Tee Cee . . . – The 5 Phases of the Suffering Mind

So, I’m moving out of my house. It’s all for the best. And I’m actually happy I don’t have to stick around for an awkward month of 30 day noticing. Nothing is worse than having or being a lame duck roommate.

Still I feel defeated, rejected, and sad. It’s funny, because I know I did as best as could be expected. I communicated clearly and calmly 90% of the time. I was diligent in meeting others’ requests. I tried to get along and connect.

Negative GhostRider
But it didn’t work out. And even though part of me knows, that it isn’t my fault. Another part of me feels like King Poo of Poo Mountain

Situations like this are hard because the mind is a blame-placing machine. And in absence of resentment, our minds tend towards depression and subtle senses of self-loathing. It’s hard to see a way forward.

The key is to observe what your mind is doing without judgment. Just this observation alone can reveal what you need. Often the observation itself is a great source of healing.

I engaged in this practice of observation over the past few days. And here are 5 phases I notices my own mind go through during this time.

Phase 1: Total Recall
In this phase, you replay all the key interactions with the person or group of people you’re in conflict with. In each replay, you recast yourself as the diplomat or the sassy bitch.

Though each replay is compelling, nothing changes except your mood and your ability to let the interaction go. You can’t change the past.

Phase 2: Indecision
The mind seeks for a solution to the conflict. It charts how various approaches might play out. You contemplate deep heart felt confessions, strong confrontations, or manipulative subterfuge.

Then you find yourself standing at the top of stairs listening to see if your roommates are in the kitchen. Or maybe staring at a phone trying to decide whether or not to hit send.

No matter what choice you make you will never know whether it’s the right one.
It’s terrifying and you start to realize there might not be a perfect solution after all.

Phase 3: Distraction, Reaction, and Compaction
In this phase, you avoid your feelings by any means possible. This phase is ripe with the seeking of pleasure or sloth.

It involves excessive TV watching, the seeking of sexual satisfaction, engagement in meaningless and repetitive activity, and a dispersed sense of generalized dissatisfaction.

This usually arises because you are unwilling to feel the depth of whatever emotion is arising. On some level, you know you have to deal with what you’re feeling. But on another level, you’re not yet ready.

Phase 4: Sadness, Loneliness, and Dramatic Disenchantment with All Human Existence.
The words that run through your mind are confusing and unconnected. In this stage, you feel a dull ache in your stomach and a hole in the center of your heart. This is a deep and transcendent feeling.

You feel the tension between your deep faith in humanity and the current state of affairs.
You fear you will feel like this forever.

Phase 5: Remission
During this phase, the strength of your feelings and emotions mostly vanish. It may result from absorption in a compelling activity, the presence of someone you feel safe around, or the opening of a new possibility.

The challenge of this state is the mind wants to believe there is nothing left to process and deal with. But often the heart has more to feel even when the mind has moved on.

So, while this phase may be pleasant, it’s important to not try to hold onto it.

The Salvation of Observation
Now here’s the hard part. Other than noticing these states there is nothing else you need to do. As these states shift and change the main practice is to notice and accept.

We watch each state to arise, exist for some time, and then allow it to disappear. Just the act and willingness to observe has amazing healing powers.

Conclusion
Even though I am still caught in this cycle myself, I know my ability to observe my own heart/mind has helped me work through these feelings.

I don’t think it’s going to repair my relationships or be the solution to all my problems. But it will teach me more about myself and what it means to be human.

My hope is that I can use this knowledge to connect, heal, and support others. I believe that even suffering endured with proper attention and intention; can serve my heart and the hearts of others.

How do you deal with setbacks in your life?
Let me know by commenting below.

April 2, 2013 by Toku on Skillset

Make It Up: How to Become an Expert at Anything

Preperation Makes Perfect?

We often mistake perfect preparation for perfect performance. Preparation is important, but it can be limiting.

We get fixated on an idea when we prepare or over prepare. We get an image in our minds of how things are going to be. And we think to be happy it must happen exactly like this.

The Best Laid Plans

Let me give you an example. We’ve begun planning whole classes in yoga school. We were assigned to write three sequences around a peak pose and teach them to our partner.

So, I wrote each sequence with care. I made sure they were balanced and challenging. Then I spent some time reviewing each sequences. I felt ready to go.

Game Time

When I met with my yoga schoolmate the first sequence went great. I was clear, confident, and she responded well. But the on the second sequence things got confusing.

I was reading the sequence off Evernote on my phone. Somehow, I scrolled incorrectly and realized that I was teaching part of the first sequence again.

I wasn’t sure what to do. Do I stop her and go back? Do I keep going? Do I do the first sequence again?

Act With Faith

In that moment, I could have gotten anxious, stumbled over my words, and given up. The image of how I thought it would go wasn’t matching reality.

Instead, I put down the phone and taught a modified version of the second sequence. I made sure she was balanced on both sides. I added some things in. I left some things out.

Later I apologized, but she told me she hardly noticed. I was able to do this because I wasn’t attached to the outcome.

What the Pros Do

Now, I’m not an expert yoga instructor, but this is what an expert would do. What makes an expert an expert isn’t their ability to follow a script.

It’s their ability to rely on their experience and have faith in themselves. Acting on this faith means stepping forward with the confidence that things will work out.

Mindful Movement

This is what being mindful in movement is all about. When we become curious about our bodies and movement, only then can transformation happen. Talking about engaging the core is nothing compared to actually feeling it engage.

But we must pay attention and move with careful confidence. If we do this, then we can become experts of ourselves. Moreover, this knowledge becomes the ground for our ability to help others.

MindFitMove Practice
Pick an upcoming race, event, conversation, or assignment you have.
Decide what would be a reasonable amount of time to spend preparing.
Write down what your intention is for that activity.
Just one sentence, no more.
Get to work; set a time and track your progress.
Once you hit the allotted time stop preparing.
Just before you start your race, event, conversation or turn in your assignment, read or recite the following:

Letting go of the outcome, I will – Your activity –
(run this race, talk to this person)
With the intention of – your intention-
(improving my health, being kind)
I have faith in my ability to respond with skill.
Being present is the best preparation.

If you try this out let me know how it goes.

Let’s Talk: How do you like to prepare?
Comment below and let me know.

March 31, 2013 by Toku on Skillset

Rebirth: 3 Steps to a New You

Easter
So this is Easter. A celebration of new life and miraculous events.

No matter what your faith it’s a great opportunity to harness the energy of this holiday

In that spirit I give you
3 Simple Steps to a New You.

1. Death
Take out a pen and write down one thing about yourself your ready to lay to rest.

It can be a habit, a memory, a grudge, a guilt. Anything you want to let go of.

2.Birth
Next write down the new thing you want to be born to take it’s place.

It can be new habit, a new approach to life, a new feeling. Anything you want to manifest.

3.Vow
Then write the following statement:

This year I vow to let go of __________ by looking into it deeply and then letting it go.

To support this vow I will give birth to ________ by facing my fears and embracing a new way.

Repeat step 3, three times a week the first thing after you wake up for 30 days.

Rebirth
We are being born and dying all the time. But if we don’t set the intention to change we will be reborn with the same patterns.

Take the spirit of easter and spring to plant the seeds of a new way of being.

March 28, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

A Extra Weekly Run Saved My Relationship

Tips for Transformation In Relationship

I started saying, “You know it might be helpful if…”

But she interrupted me, “I know what you’re going to say; you think it would be better if we ran alone.”

I knew I had hit a nerve.

We both knew my goal pace was faster than hers. But maybe it came off sounding like my goal pace was to get away from her.

No matter what, it was clear we had to come up with a solution. We did eventually, but I’ll come back to that.

The Partnership

Changing your life can be hard on your partner. No matter how supportive they are, it tends to create tension.

It’s wonderful that you’ve started meditating, exercising, or learning a new language. But this shift can bring up fear for your partner.

Fear

This fear is very natural. Most people have had a relationship end, soon after their partner changed in some way. Even though that may be the last thought in your head, your partner isn’t in your head.

Your partner may feel neglected in your quest for a better self. They might be scared by the new direction of your life. They may wonder if there’s a place in it for your relationship.

This fear can bring up some of these thoughts:

All he talks about is triathlons. Am I not good enough?
Does she think she’s better than me?
More vegetables? What’s wrong with what we cooked before?
I feel like every time he leaves for a run he’s judging me.
If she wants to do new things, maybe she will want to be with a new woman?

You Need Back Up

Making changes are hard enough without having your partner sabotage you. So if you are going to be successful. You will need their help. Or at least their passive consent.

So here are the keys to making your journey of transformation jive with your relationship.

Acknowledge

Make sure you acknowledge the things you love about your partner. Let them know you appreciate how they contribute to your life. Pay special attention to the little things they do that may go unnoticed.

Don’t Judge

Let them know you aren’t judging them for not being vegetarian or for not working out. Let them know you love them and that you are changing so you can be a better person and partner.

Don’t Get Preachy

Don’t get preachy about your new changes. Just work on yourself. If your partner sees it working for you, they might ask for support to make their own change.

Be Clear on Why

Explain to your partner why you are making these changes. If you are clear about your intentions, it will assuage many of their fears. It may even garner their support.

Togetherness Time

Make time and space to spend time together. This how my partner and I found our solution.

We would do our long run separately, but we would warm up and cool down together. We would also do a bonus ‘Togetherness Run” on Friday so we could spend time talking about our week.

MindFitMove Practice

If you are in a relationship, have a family, or just have a less active friend, sit down and talk about a healthy way to spend time together.

Share ideas like going on a hike, going for walks, and see what sounds good.

The goal is to find a healthy way to get active and spend time with each other.

Make an effort to meet them where they are. You aren’t likely to convert your partner to CrossFit, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find something that will make you both happy.

Photo Credits

March 26, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

Does this make my abs look good?: The Top 4 Male Body Image Issues

That Dude is as Ripped as a Coupon
When I go online and look at other trainers, I think ‘man I look like a scrawny wuss.’

This isn’t true. I’m actually in excellent shape. I’m not ‘ripped’ per se but I have very low body fat, I run endurance races, and am suprisingly strong for my size.

Still I feel pressure to be leaner, more defined, and more muscular. I’ve considered losing weight, going on a more restrictive diet, or even increasing my workouts. I don’t really need to do any of this.

But it’s hard not to think about it when I see pictures like this all day long.

So in honor of all my fitness brothers out there I give you:

The Top 4 Male Body Image Issues
Why they’re a big deal? and why they’re stupid?

1. I Don’t Have 6 Pack Abs –
Just search for 6-pack abs on Google and you get millions of results, thousands of tips, and hundreds of programs.

What’s the big deal?
6-Pack abs are hard to get and maintain. Thus, for many they are the holy grail of fitness.

6-Pack abs have become short hand for sexy. They are essentially the male form of cleavage.

Why they’re stupid?
To have a 6-pack you need 1) low body fat and 2) strong rectus abdominus muscles.

A 6 pack often requires stupidly low body fat. Which is fine unless you’re making yourself miserable then it’s probably not worth it.

As for muscles the rectus abdominus is only good for one thing, doing crunches. The other abdominal muscles do a better job of supporting the spine and core. So you’d be better off focusing on those for overall health and fitness

2. I’m Balding-
Hair = youth = sexiness

Why it’s a big deal?
For many men balding is first sign of aging. It also brings up images of comb-overs, toupees, Donald Trump, and our fathers. We think women don’t like balding men.

Why it’s stupid?
Many women like bald men. And there are many examples of attractive bald men, take Patrick Stewart (Jean Luc you sexy bastard). Balding is only awkward if you attempt to hide it.

3. I’m Not Very Tall –
Height is one of the few features that is still socially acceptable to mock. As a compact human it seems like I’m expected to laugh along with the jokes. Making fun of fat people isn’t funny and neither is making fun of ‘short’ people.

Why it’s a big deal?
We are sold the image of a tall dark handsome man holding a smaller dainty woman. Even short movie stars are filmed to look taller. For many women and men height equals masculinity. Even my current partner said she wasn’t interested at first because I wasn’t taller than her.

Why it’s stupid?
You have no control over your height. There are plenty of women who won’t care. If you don’t make it a big deal, then it isn’t. Will some women not date you? Yes, but there are women you won’t date for equally silly reasons.

4. The Body Image Issue That Shall Not be Named
You know what I’m talking about . Guys worry it’s not big enough. Or that it abnormal in some way.

Why it’s a big deal?
Because you don’t know where you stand. You can read statistics, but it’s not the same. Because it’s a secret you worry.

Why it’s stupid?
If it’s exceptionally big or small it may be worthy of note. But realistically you’re probably average. If you do fear inadequacy, then develop other skills. Whether it’s true or not, it can’t hurt to have good ground game.

MindFitMove Practice

Find a big mirror, full length if possible.
Take off all your clothes.
Take a nice long look at your body.
Notice your critical voice arising.
Notice the areas of negative focus.
Then focusing on those parts one at a time.
Tell them how much you appreciate them.
Talk to them like underappreciated workers.
Put your clothes back on.
Look in the mirror and say,

I am a sexy man.
I am attractive.
I am not my body.
When I die, I want to be remembered for what I did, not how I looked.

Remember No one’s tombstone is inscribed with.
Here lies John. He died 6 foot 4, with a six pack, and a full head of hair.
There is more to life then looking good.

Photo Credits

March 24, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

Get Fulfilled And Change the World: My Interview w/ Richard May Founder of B>U

On June 13th Jamie Slaughter woke up early and drove to Lake Austin on the Colorado river. He put on his goggles and swim cap and dove into the water.

James wouldn’t get out until he had reached the other side of the lake. Which wouldn’t be exceptional except that the other side was 21 miles away.

Why did James set out to swim the length of the English Channel? To let the world know about drowning death of 4-yr Colin Hoist.

This is one of the stories you can read on the website B>U. Matt Evans and his partner Richard May formed B>U to share inspiring stories and encourage everyone to live a fulfilled life.

In this interview I talk with Richard about how living your dreams inspires others and why fulfillment is a path not a destination. I hope you enjoy.

[vimeo 62551851 w=500 h=375]

Interview Questions

1. Some of the stories on your site feature atheletes others community service, how do these elements play into being a better person?

2. What role does awareness play into the work you do?

3. How can people change their lives for the better in a lasting way?

Richard “Bee” May Bio

In 2001, I produced and directed my first feature length movie – “A Documentary”. The movie was based on the most powerful question of your world: Are you fulfilled?

What was more interesting about creating the movie was I had never held a camera in my life. But, every day for two years, I learned a little more until the movie won “Best Documentary” at the barebones film festival.

It was then I realized I was already living the B>U philosophy. So when Matt started explaining the concept, I had to stop him mid-sentence and tell him “I’m in. Let’s do it.”

So every day, I live my own B>U. Helping grieving parents from losing a child to being a better parent. Writing a new song or smiling more than yesterday.

But, one thing I do try is to promote B>U a little more each day. Because if I can inspire just one person to be greater than themselves then we are one step closer to a better humanity.

I want to thank Richard for talking to me. Be Sure to check out his website begreaterthanU.com and his facebook page

March 22, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

Adapt: The 3 Steps to Everyday Happiness

Fixed Ideas
Fixed ideas are the source of 90% of our suffering.

It goes like this:
– We get a picture in our head.
– Then we look at the world.
– We compare.
– We realize they don’t match.
– We get sad.
– We get angry.
– We get frustrated.

But it doesn’t have to be like this. We can learn to work with these fixed ideas. We can learn to adapt.

The Audition
When I was a high school senior I went in to audition for a play. I was sure I was perfect for the lead.

I had spent 4 years in the drama program. I had prepared for the part. I knew was going to get it. They owed it to me.

As the auditions progressed, I kept waiting for my chance. I read for a few other parts. But I wasn’t getting called for the lead.

All of a sudden the audition was over. I was devastated. I did get a part, but it wasn’t the lead.

You Don’t Deserve Nuthin’
Looking back, I realize I wasn’t right for the part. Even if I had tried out, I wouldn’t have gotten it. It just wasn’t me.

But at the time, it was hard. It was hard because, I had formed a fixed idea. I thought I deserved the part.

After I was over getting upset, I realized a hard truth. You don’t get something just because you think you deserve it.

It was a tough lesson to learn. But once I was able to let go of that idea, my life became much easier.

You can’t just flip a switch and get rid of all fixed ideas. But, you can learn to be more flexible, to adapt. And if you do you’ll be happier everyday of your life.

The 3 Keys to Everyday Happiness

1. Hold Your Preferences Lightly
Ever heard that story about the band that demanded a bowl of brown M&M’s at every show? Crazy right?

Yet, we all have our own version of this. Little idiosyncrasies that we ‘need’ to be happy. I once got into a fight over the proper way to load silverware into a dishwasher. (handles up and pre-sorted obviously)

The truth is unless it’s a food allergy you don’t need it that way. You just like it that way. It’s just one preference in a universe of preferences. You’ll be much happier if you learn to hold it lightly. Or even better let it go completely.

2. You Can’t Should’ve Done Anything
You can replay that conversation again and again. You’ll never be able to go back and say the right thing. If you need to apologize do it and move on.

Once it’s happened, it’s happened. Accept responsibility for your part and work to do better next time.

Don’t waste time with arguments in your head. Holding onto the past is not adapting. Look, learn, and then let it go.

3. When It All Falls Apart, Let It Go.
Yesterday, I got locked out of my partners house… twice. Both times, I left my computer at her house. So, I couldn’t get any work done.

I could’ve gotten upset, but instead I just took the day off. I did some foam rolling, took a long shower, and did a short tempo run.

It was a great day, because I accepted that I had no control over the situation.

If your flight is delayed, if your car breaks down, take whatever action you can and then relax. Worrying doesn’t speed anything up.

As the Dalai Lama Says “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”

MindFitMove Practice
1. Pick one preference, one small mistake, or one mishap to let go of.
2. Look for the fixed idea that you’re holding onto.
3.Realize that just because you think it’s true doesn’t mean it’s so.
4. Let it go.
5. Notice that you haven’t let it go.
6. Let it go again.

Let’s Talk:
What weird preferences do you have, that you have a hard time letting go?

Photo Credits

March 19, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

The Truth About Loneliness

Interdependence and Loneliness
As a Buddhist I have often been told we are all one inter-being.

We might imagine this as being different cells in the body of Dharma. Or perhaps even a subtle part woven into the machine of Karma.

Sometimes this idea seems perfectly inline with my human experience. Sometimes it seems in conflict with it.

The Monastery
I lived at Great Vow Zen Monastery for 2 years. I had many experiences of being part of a seamless system. It was an organic heart that shared it’s beat with so many people.

I also had experiences of deep and unyielding loneliness. It’s funny for some people to imagine feeling alone at the monastery. There is hardly any time where someone is not close at hand.

I slept in a room where other practitioners were a mere cubicle wall away. I could feel and most definitely hear their presence. Yet I often felt very, very alone.

The Experience of Loneliness
The experience of loneliness always comes as a sickness. A distinct longing to be seen and heard. A desire to be known in a deep and fundamental way. A hope and desire for intimacy.

Sometimes this longing manifests as a desire for a romantic partner. Sometimes as a distinct and dull depression.

It comes as a sense that something just isn’t quite right. I often wondered, ‘how does loneliness happen if we are all one being?’

Leaving the Monastery
Since leaving the monastery I have struggled with loneliness from time to time. Entering lay life is a challenge after the strict discipline and strong container of the monastery.

I have done many things to help contain my mind. Still, loneliness comes up.

Deep Connection
When I feel lonely I wonder if my heart is expressing its deep connection to the other human beings around me.

I feel a deep compassion and love. Yet my day-to-day experience doesn’t match the felt truth of inter-being.I live in a world with suffering beings one of which is me.

We are often caught up in our own agendas, our own ego games, and our own complex defenses to realize how deeply connected we all are.

This dissonance can amplify our suffering and lead to a feeling of disconnect and misalignment we call loneliness.

Nothing Is Amiss
Even though it is hard to bear. I think part of me knows that this deep feeling of longing, the well in the pit of my stomach, is not a sign of something wrong with me.

Rather it is an indication of inter-being in my life. Even my casting about for new friends and new romance, demonstrates a true desire to be connected

No Cure
I will not any particular cure or remedy for loneliness but rather a question.

How can I use the longing of loneliness to serve the dharma and strengthen my own heart?
How can we use the depth of this feeling to deepen our own connection to others and out understanding of suffering?

Accept It
Feeling lonely is hard no matter how you look at it. It is my own hope and deep wish that by acknowledging it as part of my reality and practice that it may offer relief to others who experience it’s effects.

Deep in my heart I truly believe that we love each other more than we are willing to admit. And sometimes it is only through this subtle pain called loneliness that we can realize the truth and power of this deep and abiding inter-heart.

This post was originally published in Ink On The Cat
ans subsequently published on The Under35 Project

UNEXECUTIVE

POWERFUL COACHING FOR POWERFUL LEADERS

mindfitmove

Do Less, Change More – 5 Minimalist Life Changers

Jeff Bezos & A Famous Dead Italian Woman Endorse Handwriting Sales Copy?

Life’s a Be Eye Tee Cee . . . – The 5 Phases of the Suffering Mind

Make It Up: How to Become an Expert at Anything

Rebirth: 3 Steps to a New You

A Extra Weekly Run Saved My Relationship

Does this make my abs look good?: The Top 4 Male Body Image Issues

Get Fulfilled And Change the World: My Interview w/ Richard May Founder of B>U

Adapt: The 3 Steps to Everyday Happiness

The Truth About Loneliness