confidence

by Toku on Skillset

Make It Up: How to Become an Expert at Anything

A guy who is an expert, become and expert, make it up, winging it, mindfulness, mindful fitness, mind fit movePreperation Makes Perfect?

We often mistake perfect preparation for perfect performance. Preparation is important, but it can be limiting.

We get fixated on an idea when we prepare or over prepare. We get an image in our minds of how things are going to be. And we think to be happy it must happen exactly like this.

The Best Laid Plans

Let me give you an example. We’ve begun planning whole classes in yoga school. We were assigned to write three sequences around a peak pose and teach them to our partner.

So, I wrote each sequence with care. I made sure they were balanced and challenging. Then I spent some time reviewing each sequences. I felt ready to go.

Game Time

When I met with my yoga schoolmate the first sequence went great. I was clear, confident, and she responded well. But the on the second sequence things got confusing.

I was reading the sequence off Evernote on my phone. Somehow, I scrolled incorrectly and realized that I was teaching part of the first sequence again.

I wasn’t sure what to do. Do I stop her and go back? Do I keep going? Do I do the first sequence again?

Act With Faith

In that moment, I could have gotten anxious, stumbled over my words, and given up. The image of how I thought it would go wasn’t matching reality.

Instead, I put down the phone and taught a modified version of the second sequence. I made sure she was balanced on both sides. I added some things in. I left some things out.

Later I apologized, but she told me she hardly noticed. I was able to do this because I wasn’t attached to the outcome.

What the Pros Do

Now, I’m not an expert yoga instructor, but this is what an expert would do. What makes an expert an expert isn’t their ability to follow a script.

It’s their ability to rely on their experience and have faith in themselves. Acting on this faith means stepping forward with the confidence that things will work out.

Mindful Movement

This is what being mindful in movement is all about. When we become curious about our bodies and movement, only then can transformation happen. Talking about engaging the core is nothing compared to actually feeling it engage.

But we must pay attention and move with careful confidence. If we do this, then we can become experts of ourselves. Moreover, this knowledge becomes the ground for our ability to help others.

MindFitMove Practice
Pick an upcoming race, event, conversation, or assignment you have.
Decide what would be a reasonable amount of time to spend preparing.
Write down what your intention is for that activity.
Just one sentence, no more.
Get to work; set a time and track your progress.
Once you hit the allotted time stop preparing.
Just before you start your race, event, conversation or turn in your assignment, read or recite the following:

Letting go of the outcome, I will – Your activity –
(run this race, talk to this person)
With the intention of – your intention-
(improving my health, being kind)
I have faith in my ability to respond with skill.
Being present is the best preparation.

If you try this out let me know how it goes.

Let’s Talk: How do you like to prepare?
Comment below and let me know.

 
by Toku on Mindset

How Flipping A Coin Made Me Perfect At Yoga

Guy jumping in yoga poseI’m failing at yoga.
I mean totally blowing it.

My warrior two looks like warrior one. And my warrior one looks like someone broke off the top a bowling trophy.

An Endless Path
The other day a classmate observed that the path of Yoga is endless. We are always working towards greater subtlety and clarity. When he said this, I felt a lump in my throat.

In Yoga school, I am a neophyte extraordinaire. I’ve only practiced with a well-trained teacher for a few months.

Before this, I did mostly guerilla Yoga. It was fun and loose, and my teacher had studied at Youtube academy. I loved Yoga, but I didn’t have a lengthy, formal education.

They’re Pros
Most of my classmates have been practicing for years if not decades. I find their knowledge, skill, and flexibility to be humbling. I often feel like Bambi caught in a forest fire.

Still, Yoga’s not a competition right? Well I’m an American male so everything can be a competition. So there, I was in class thinking about how bad I was at this infinite art.

Then it struck me. There is another side to this coin. The side that sees my yoga as perfect.

Two Sides
There are two sides to every situation: the side that takes an ideal and compares us to it and the side that always sees wholeness. The first side we see all the time. The second side is hardly looked at.

No one can do my Yoga except for me. No one can face my body’s challenges except for me.

My whole life; karma, dharma, and everything else has brought me here.

Every step I make is a step on the path. I may stumble and fall, but I must walk.

There is no me some place else that’s doing it better. There is only the me that practices here and now. There is no moment other than this one and this moment is perfect.

MindFitMove Practice
Reflect on these three questions.
What if everything I do is perfect as it is?
What if everything everyone else does is perfect in this same way?
What if I could see this perfection in every moment?
How would it change my life and how I live?

 
by Toku on Skillset

Talking Your Way Through A Mindfield

Man walking through mudSpeaking In A Minefield
Speaking is like walking through a minefield blindfolded. We are so focused on ourselves we often fail to see that our words have blown up. Our meaning has been scattered to the winds but we are none the wiser.

Here are three communication mines we face, as teachers, students, managers, and employees.

1. Confidence
The correct amount of confidence is tricky. Have too much confidence and you lose connection. Have too little confidence and no one listens.

You have to be honest about what you don’t know. At the same time, you have to feel ok about your limitations.

When I work with my teaching partner in Yoga school, I notice that I’m most effective when I’m calm, but not cocky. Whenever I think I know exactly what to do, I lose her.

Confidence has to do with our ability to be aware and present. When I’m attentive and focused, I give clear directions.

Life is more than just knowing it all. Experience is great but only when it gives us more space to be present.

2. Projection
We usually project what we want to see. We miss all the things that make others unique. Without this data, we can never connect with them.

Nevertheless, I’ve found some projection is necessary for effective communication.

When directing someone into a Yoga pose you have to project your own understanding of the movements onto your student. At the same time, you have to hold an awareness of how your words are affecting their body.

This balancing act is present in all communication. If we notice our words losing impact it’s great to check in on how we are projecting and whether or not it’s working.

3. Frustration/confusion
As a teacher, my students don’t owe me anything. As a friend, employee, or even manager the same is true.

Having authority can lead us to believe we are entitled to be listened to. However, this attitude is rarely helpful.

Instead, we must try to make our communication accessible.

When I was working with my Yoga partner I noticed frustration arising when I gave a direction and she didn’t do anything.

She may have been following the instruction already. She may have not understood. She may have thought my directions were wrong.

Why she didn’t move doesn’t matter. My job as her teacher is to make my directions work for her. This asks me to I invite rather than command her to act.

In every situation, we should always work towards invitation. This has more to do with the attitude we bring than the words we use.

The key is remembering that we are indebted to our listener. They have given us their attention. We must repay this gift with the calm attention and clarity.

MindFitMove Practice
– Think of something you’d like to communicate to someone: A partner, friend, co-worker, student, or boss.
– Take a few minutes and write out exactly what you want to say.
– Then put this aside for a couple hours or a couple of days.
– When you come back too it read it out loud to yourself.
– Try reading it with confidence and then with uncertainty.
– Try reading it imagining their face in a scowl and then in a smile.
– Try reading it as a demand and then as an invitation.
– Then reflect of these tests and rewrite the phrase.
– Finally try expressing this idea to them keeping in mind the 3 mines you learned about in this post.

 
by Toku on Skillset

The 5 Simple Steps to Facing Fear

Litany against fear- From DUNE a book by Frank Herbert
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye and see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.“
Whenever we try to change our lives fear arises. Sometimes it arises because we stumble on the path: “I gained a pound back. What if this is where it all falls apart?” Sometimes it arises because the future is unknown: “If I transform into someone new, who will I be?”  Starting a new exercise practice, changing the way we eat, taking a new fitness class can all be a catalyst for fear, but it doesn’t have to derail us. There are ways to practice with fear and use them to connect with our hearts desire.
1. ACKNOWLEGE THAT YOU ARE AFRAID
Everyone and I mean everyone gets afraid from time to time. Some people are better at hiding it, denying it, or compartmentalizing it, but everyone experiences fear. Resistance to fear is the first barrier to facing our fear.
We want to deny that we are afraid. Most of us are afraid that we will fail, fall flat on our faces, be embarrassed, gain all the weight back, lose the girl/boy, become a source of shame for our family/friends, get terminally ill and die alone and unloved. We try not to think about it because if we do it will come true, or perhaps we’re afraid that we will see it is already true.
Just say to yourself. I’m afraid.
2. FIND WHERE YOU FEEL FEAR IN YOUR BODY
Where do you feel fear? Is it a tight feeling in your chest? Is it butterflies in your stomach? Are you clenching your jaw? Squeezing your fists?
No matter where you feel it, try to go into the sensation. What is the texture of it? What color is it? Is it related to any other part of your body?
Take a piece of paper and describe it in as much detail as possible. If you notice yourself thinking of the content of fear, stop, and go back into your body.
3. ONCE YOU’VE DESCRIBED FEAR GET GROUNDED
Don’t stay in that fear response forever. It can be very tiring. Instead do something grounding.
  • Things that people find grounding
  • Exercise, exercise, exercise
  •   Taking a walk outside
  •  Eating a piece of fruit
  • Focusing on the bottoms of your feet
4. TRY TO SEE THE WHOLESOME DESIRE THAT IS SOURCE OF FEAR
Most fear arises from wholesome desires. Our strategies for dealing with fear or the desires that cause fear can be unwholesome, but the fundamental need underneath is usually wholesome and universal.
We want to be loved, appreciated, accepted, and acknowledged. We want to be free, autonomous, joyous, playful, and independent. We want to contribute, nurture, and be part of a community. We want beauty, peace, ease, clarity, order, and predictability.
We might not need all of these at the same time. We might have different ideas about what these would look like, but everything on that list could be needed by anyone.
Try to see what that wholesome desire is for you. Your fear often arises from not having these universal needs addressed.
5. FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR GETTING AFRAID/HOLD THE ONE WHO IS AFRAID
Often we reject and criticize the part of us that gets afraid.
Imagine if you were a child who was afraid.  Now imagine a parent or teacher criticized your fear, mocked it, and rejected you because of it. Would you feel safer?
Forgive yourself for being afraid. Forgive the part of yourself that is afraid. Visualize yourself as a child. Or if that’s too hard, visualize the part of yourself that is afraid as a child.
Then comfort them. Tell them what you would tell a child that is afraid.  Imagine holding them in your arms patting them on the back. Try putting your arms around yourself and rubbing your own shoulder. Say “it’s ok to be afraid.”
We all experience fear. Fear can be a door into our own hearts and the hearts of others if we are willing to stay with it and walk through it.

 
by Toku on Mindset

The Most Important Factor – The Archer

I took a yoga class today and the teacher talked about how we are each: an archer, aiming for what we want to become; an arrow, the thing that is moving towards the target; and the target, that which we are aiming at becoming. I’ve always found this idea beautiful. The tension between the three subjects and the unity of them feels true to my experience of transformation. In honor of this metaphor, I’m going to write three posts that will focus on how to embody each aspect of this classic spiritual triptych.

What does it mean to be the archer?
We are the archer when we set goals, but it’s important to remember that a good archer does more than just aim. An archer takes into account all the factors that will get the arrow to the target.
For shooting an arrow (a topic I am woefully ignorant about) the archer might consider: distance, elevation, tension of the bow, type of arrow, type of target, or many other factors.
In addition, she also needs to be aware and calm. If she is unaware she won’t notice small changes in the wind, the way humidity affects her bow, etc. If she is not present she is not likely to be focused and will not execute well.
The archer must also be calm enough to act. If she is very nervous, her hands may shake, and her shot will be off. If she is not calm and present, she will not be able to release the bow at the right moment. The act of shooting is as much an act of intuition, as it is an act of the thinking mind.
She must also be confident enough to let the arrow go when she feel like it is right. Is she lacks the confidence to act, the arrow goes nowhere.
When we set forth a plan to transform our lives, whether engaging in a fitness practice or any other type of practice, it is essential that we act as the archer acts.
First, we need to consider all the variables that are apparent. What information do we know about our bodies, lives, and karmic tendencies that will affect our effort to transform our lives.
I know that I am very disciplined when I have a clear plan. When I decide to take on a practice, I need to make a clear plan and check myself against that plan often. If I don’t do this I tend to wander away from the path without realizing it.
Second, we must start to execute our plan, but to be aware with what arises. If fear arises, we see it, acknowledge it, and meet it with courage. If dullness arises, we see it, we acknowledge it, and we add more energy.
No matter what arises we acknowledge it and work with it. Unseen factors always arise and aren’t a problem, unless we are unwilling to see them, acknowledge them, and respond.
Finally, we must learn to be calm and confident in pursuit of our goal. To be calm, the best thing we can do is mediate, pray, take a bath, or engage in self care. It also helps to talk to friends, get support from trainers or coaches, and realize that true change takes time.
Too often transformation work is fueled by impatient, disorderly, critical thoughts. This fuel will get you so far down the path, but ultimately it’s dirty fuel. We must learn to be patient and forgiving of ourselves.
To build confidence, we need to affirm our goals and celebrate even our smallest victories. I write down my goals daily starting with, ‘I will’ or ‘I vow.’ Through this practice, I am able to see the arrow reach the target before I even pull back on the bow.
I also try to celebrate each step of the process. I reflect on the virtue of getting myself where I am, the virtue of setting goals, and the virtue of making a plan. In this way, I already feel the momentum of transformation before I let my arrow fly.
When we embody the Archer in this metaphor, we embody all that is potential in our lives. We look closely at the mechanics of change, and set forth the path we hope to travel. But being an archer alone is not enough.
We must do more then plan, reflect, and be confident. In the next post in this series I will discuss embodying the arrow; the self that is dynamically moving towards our goal.