Being Who You Are, Is Holding You Back

Today instead of my normal post I’ve made you a recording all about being who you are is holding you back. You can listen, watch, or read below –


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Transcript Below – There is a land where all possibility goes to die, and the entrance gate to this land has the words, “This is how I am,” formed in wrought iron. Over and over again I hear from my clients,

  • “Well, I would do it this way, but this is how I am.” *”Well, I’d like things to change, but this is how I am.”
  • “Well, this is how I am, and this what helped me to be successful. Why would I do it differently?”
  • This is how I am.

But let’s just look for a minute at the underlying assumption behind this is how I am. How did you get this way? When did you become how you were? Were you born this way? Did you have some sort of karmic law that forces you to be this way?

For a long time, you peed in a diaper. And that’s how you were. And then you didn’t. For a long time, you were nervous about talking to girls or boys. And then, maybe you weren’t, or maybe at least you were a little less.

You never are any solid thing. You are an ever changing, constantly evolving, non thing. So instead of getting caught up in a world of this is how I am, here are a few ways to escape and reopen the door of possibility, for your business, for your relationships, and for your life.

Question 1: What do I get by staying how I am?

Often we think of these rules or laws that we paint on ourselves as being negative. But the truth is that you always get something from being how you are. If you didn’t get something, you wouldn’t stay that way.

People standing outside on a hot day with the option of air conditioning will usually go inside. They only stay outside if there’s something to watch or do, if there’s a parade, a show, or fireworks.

So if you’re staying a particular way, if you’re defining this is who I am, you must get something from it. You may know exactly what this thing is that you get, or at least what you think you get from staying how you are.

Before you decide to stay exactly how you are, understand exactly what you get from it. And then you can decide is this a good way to get the thing that I want.

**Question 2: What if you could keep this thing that you love, this benefit, without being the way you are? **

Think about all the people in your life, the people who achieve amazing things. Think about someone else you know who’s created this thing that you love. Maybe it’s safety, security, simplicity, success, money, or fame. Can you think of one person who’s able to achieve that thing who’s different than you?

If you can’t think of anyone, think about every human being in the whole world. Do you think that there’s at least one person in this whole world who gets this thing you want without being exactly how you are? Don’t worry about how they get it, just ask the question, “Is there one person in this whole world who is able to create this thing that I want to create, without being the way that I’m attached to being?”

The answer is yes, and you have to admit that it must be at least possible for you to be different and still get what you want. And if that possibility exists it’s possible for you to discover that way too.

Question 3: If you were able to break the laws of yourself, the laws of physics, if it were possible for you to get what you want and change, what would that mean for you?

What would you become able to do? Don’t worry about whether or not you would want to be able to do that thing you would become able to do, just worry about what you would be able to do.

For example, I had a client one time that really struggled to hire good staff. Struggled and struggle and struggled. He always said, “It’s really hard to hire good staff. It’s so difficult, people want so much money, the economy’s really difficult.” He had a million reasons why he couldn’t hire someone that could do the job well, couldn’t hire someone who was amazing.

So I asked him a simple question, “What would change for you if this became possible?” And he realized everything would change for him. If it was possible, he could have a staff that he loved, supported. He could relax in his business. He could start to enjoy the process of managing.

So think about what would be possible if I could break the rules of yourself, even break the laws of physics, and change the way you see the world?

Because as you start to see what’s possible you will begin to become more motivated to find ways that this could happen instead of being fixated on all the reasons it couldn’t.

Question 4: Last, but certainly not least, how would you behave if it was possible to create this change in yourself and in the world?

What might you do differently? What could you try? What could you experiment with?

Setting aside whether you know if it would work or not, or anything else, what could you try? What would you do if this way of being was possible?

This client could start treating his employees as if they were the right employees. He could start nurturing them, he could get excited about management, he could relax around his business. And as he began to tell himself that it was possible to hire amazing people.

Not only was it possible, he realized had already done it. His people were amazing; they just needed to be nurtured in the right way to fully realize what was possible. And just that one small change in attitude changed the way he felt about his business and the way he showed up as a manager.

If you’ve felt like, “Man, I wish I could trust my team,” then start by just trusting your team. Take the action of someone who trusts their team.

If you’ve thought, ” I wish I could create something of value. It would be really cool if I could create something of value that could make money for myself without having it be insincere. Wouldn’t that be cool?” Then try that. See what it’s like to try to create something of value, that’s also sincere.

There’s a place where all possibility goes to die. And the gate to that place reads, “This is how I am.”

You are not a solid object. You are not the laws of physics. What makes human beings so amazing is the endless flexibility, the endless possibility that they create every day of their lives.

That’s why our economy’s so vibrant, that’s why we have so much amazing art, that’s why love takes on so many different forms.

Stop living in the land of this is how I am. Instead, live in the land of I wonder what would happen if?