Accept It or Change it: Eliminate Suffering In Your Life

If the world were full of angels, or robots, or digital avatars things would have the possibility to be perfect. But the world for good or for ill (and often both) are filled with humans. Humans have the potential for other worldly creativity, love, passion, dedication, sacrifice, and possibility. But they have the equal potential for stagnation, hate, boredom, laziness, selfishness, and scarcity.

You can look at your own life and you can see both. Elements, moments, events, etc that show your divinity, your endless possibility . . . AND failures, bad habits, shameful episodes that show your frailty, fallibility, and even your dark evil parts.

Because of this we often encounter other people and people-created institutions that annoy or frustrate us. The DMV, tax bureaus, bosses, retail stores and clerks, and all sorts of other things. We often wish these things worked differently and so we commit a two way sin
We refuse to accept things the way they are
We have no clear commitment to change these things.

This is where suffering comes in. If we can accept things, even if they are bad, we can be at peace with them. Even if this takes time and work, acceptance is a powerful human trait.

And of course, there are some things we don’t want to and probably shouldn’t accept. If we’re unwilling to accept something our only other choice is to commit to changing it. If we don’t, we’re essentially committing to suffering.

Because A – Things don’t usually change on our time table and B – when we refuse to accept things that we aren’t working on we tend to get very whiny and victimy about those things.

Committing to changing something is daunting because a true commitment to change requires we meet the thing we want to change fully where it is and become responsible for it being or occurring differently to us regardless of other people, situations, circumstances, history, or habits.

And this is hard because we like to blame other people for showing up as humans (even as we ask forgiveness for how we show up that way) is one of our favorite things to do.

But all progress is dependent on people doing just that. Seeing what they can’t accept and working to change it despite the obstacles that arise.

So we’re back to our BIG choice again, do you accept it or do you commit to change it?

Because even if it doesn’t change, working to change it can give you meaning, drive, hope and possibility. And even though acceptance might be hard, accepting something that is can liberate you from the suffering attached to it.

So you’ve got to pick. Change it or accept it. And no matter which you choose, you will be literally creating your world from choice rather than from the resignation that suffering so often causes.


The Essential Unexecutive 2015

Spending a little time reflecting on each year in an important practice for those who want to create the impossible. Which is why after reading a post by my friend and client Leo Babauta, I decided to share with you what I’ve done this year as well as what each experience taught me.

This year I did alot:

I gave a TEDx Talk –

  • In May I gave a TEDx Talk titled, “Picking Role Models That Matter” at the TEDx Women’s Conference In Zurich Switzerland.

  • What I learned – To prepare for something really epic, you have to practice beyond the point of comfort until you achieve a familiarity that makes your delivery seem natural.

I attended four conferences, –

  • This year I returned to the World Domination Summit as I’ve done in years past, but I also went to some new events including:

  • What I learned – There is nothing like meeting people in person. These conferences helped me make new friends, connect with new clients, and got me excited about trying new things. I love connecting online, but if you can it’s always better to be with real people in real time.

I was named as a 25 Up and Coming Entrepreneur to Watch

  • I love the Fizzle community and was honored to be nominated and selected as the only coach among this group of amazing and exciting entrepreneurs.
  • What I learned – Unfortunately getting featured made me a bit of a lightning rod and I had to defend myself against an attack from a fellow Fizzler, who thought I had mistreated him. It was a good learning experience in how to handle an unhappy potential customer. I taught me that getting honored is great but it may not have a big impact on your business and might attract the ire of others. Still, it’s always nice to be recognized for all the hard work you’ve been doing and I’m very grateful for the guys at Fizzle for choosing me to be a part of this illustrious group.

Jane and I moved into a new apartment –

  • Maybe this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it’s been a long time dream of mine to live in a snazzy urban apartment, and this year that dream came true.

  • What I learned – Buy cheap rugs. Not only is it easier to find a cheap rug without hours of deliberation, but when your cat destroys it, you’ll be happy you can get another one for the same low price.

I retired my original brand and site MindFitMove

  • I used Mind Fit Move for 3 years as I was figuring out my business and my life. The site and the brand served me well. But as fitness faded as a central part of my business and my primary audience shifted, I needed to let go of it and find something that fit my brand better.

  • What I learned – It’s hard to let go of something you built, but it’s better to put something up and get started than trying to make things perfect before you begin. Sometimes in life you have to kill your digital children for all the right reasons. It’s bittersweet but necessary if you’re going to keep becoming the kind of person who grows and changes.

I joined 4PC

  • 4PC is a community of the world’s top 4% of coaches. Joining this group was a big commitment for me and something I thought about all year. The people in the group are amazing, inspiring, and at times a little intimidating.

  • What I learned – People don’t often talk about this but when you change things, the results aren’t always immediate. Sometimes you have to pass through a dip until you start playing the kind of game that will take you to the next level.

On top of all that I :

  • Worked with some of worlds most breathtaking clients. (I seriously love you guys)
  • Made some amazing new friends including one I’ve gotten really close to (I’m looking at you Kyle )
  • Had fun and got support from my dear friends (including My Ginger Princess Jane, The Bad Movie Alliance, My Fam, Josh Sabraw, Corbett Barr, and too many others to mention)
  • Worked with some amazing coaches including Danielle Ross, Jason Goldberg, Jennifer Blankl, Jeff Riddle, and Leo Babauta (who coached me on my writing)
  • and I did a bunch of Podcast interviews ( Here’s a list ).

Looking back on this year I’m amazed at what I’ve gotten done, all the inspiring people who’ve shaped my life, and all the amazing people I’ve been able to serve. Thank you to each of you who have joined me on this journey and I really excited to see what’s coming next year.

My Top Posts of 2015

Here are some of my favorite and most popular posts in 2015
1. How To Go Minimalist With Fulfillment
2. How To Instantly Find The Work You Love (in 40 years or less)
3. Your Vulnerability Superpower
4. Are You Letting Hidden Fear Control Your Life?
5. How To Create Deep Connections
6. Do You Need A Coach
7. How to Enjoy Your Life 99.99% More of the Time
8. The 20-Day “I Love You Man” Challenge
9. How To Fight Terrorism With Compassion
10. Finding Peace On The Eve Of Something

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