One More Thing Is Killing Me

#Blog One More Thing Howard Kang, One More Thing Is Killing Me ,stop being busy ,Start being happy ,stop being too busy ,how to stop being too busy ,how to stop being so busy all the time ,how to stop being busy all the time ,how to stop being a busy fool ,how to find joy in your life ,how to find joy in your work how to find joy in your life again

Just One More Thing

“Are your ready?” “I’m almost done, just one more thing.” I turned only to be greeted by her skeptical expression. Which, considering the circumstances, was more than fair.

I had been saying I was almost done for maybe 20 – 30 mins. She narrowed her eyes slightly and asked, ”How much longer is one more thing going to take?” I knew she had me. Game, Set, Match. So, I closed my computer and we left.

Yes I Lost, Can We Move On

This post isn’t about me losing a struggle with my girlfriend. That happens all the time. No this post is about letting go, or rather not letting go.

We all do this. We want to read one more chapter before bed, we want to play one more level of the game, we want to watch just one more episode of Battlestar before we clean out the garage.

The space between action and infinite inaction is now and will always be just one more thing.

One more thing is what keeps us stuck in our old ways.
One more thing is what keeps us eating a whole bag of chips when all we wanted was a snack.
One more thing is what keeps us at work instead of spending time with our families and friends.
One more thing is what keeps us from making time to exercise.
One more thing is what keeps us from living our lives and from being who we could be.

Why do we do this?

I’ve struggled with this problem my whole life. It’s one of the biggest reasons why I’m late. It’s also one of biggest reasons I look back at my day and ask, “What the hell did I spend it on?”

one more thing is so attractive to me because I feel like the pay off is so close. Like a gambler waiting for his number to hit, I imagine if I do just one more task then I will feel done. And when I feel done, I can stop.

But Why?

Which made me wonder, why do I want to feel done? The world is filled with infinite wondrous things. Why would I ever want to feel done? But then I realized what comes before done.

Before done is this slow pressing feeling on my chest. This fear that I will never be done. That the subtle or not so subtle stress on my system will erode my mind and body so relentlessly that I will wake up twenty years from now a shell of who I once was.

So I walk from this fear, I run from this fear, and I work from this fear. I must stay one step ahead and the only way to do that is by doing one more thing.

Well I done with it. I’m done with doing one more thing. Instead, I’m going to do what I’m doing now and then I’m going to stop and decide what to do next. I may do another thing, but only after I’ve checked in and seen if it’s alive for me.

And here’s how I’m going to do it.

1. Take Breaks –

I have an ap on my computer called Time Out. It encourages me to take a 20 second breaks every 25 mins. And a 5 min break every 50 mins. This week I’m not going to skip those breaks to do one more thing. I’m going to take them when they happen.

When I take breaks, I have time to stop and see what I’m doing. It also encourages me to go outside and breathe fresh air. Technology is cool and but fresh air is the original productivity ap.

2. Walk or Run –

one more thing often carries me from 9am – 9pm without stop. But this pace wears on me until I feel burnt out. I know that if I break up my day I have more energy and focus.

This week I’m going to take at least 10 mins in the middle of the day to get some exercise. It doesn’t have to be epic. Just a few mins of movement to make my brain and body happy.

3. To Do It –

This week when something pops in my head. I’m going to put it in my to do list first. If it is the most important thing then I might do it, but nothing gets done without going in the list.

When I don’t look at what else I want to do, it’s easy to think that one more thing is the most important. But when I consider all that I want to accomplish I can make a wiser choice.

4. Eat the Frog –

I often leave the hardest task ’til the end of the day. There is always one more thing to do before it. But by then, I’m tired and less motivated.

So this week I’m going to look at my to do list and do the one I least want to do first. In addition, I’m going to do one of my new habits in the morning so I don’t stay up late to get it done.

5. Set a Time Limit –

because I have a lot to do, there is never a good stopping point. There is always one more thing I should do before I leave.

This week when I decide I need to go, I’m going to set a time limit. And then I’m going to set an alarm. When the alarm goes off, I’m going to leave. Instead of delaying, I’m going to embrace the practice of stopping on a dime and letting go.

6. Get To Bed –

One of the worst time for me to one more thing it, is at night. On Sunday night for example I one more thinged it ‘til 2am. It never seems like a big deal, but losing sleep eats into my day and drains my energy.

So this week, I’m not going to one more thing it before bed. I’m going to stop working by 11:30 and be in bed by midnight. I’m going to go to decrease that by 15 mins each day. And most importantly I’m going to get to bed at a decent hour on the weekends when staying up is so tempting.

My Vow

This is my vow to you. I will fight against one more thing this week and I would love it if you joined me. One week from now, I’ll let you know how it goes and I hope you will do the same.

Our lives are too short to be caught up in an agenda of momentum. Instead it’s so important we give ourselves the space to take a step back, stop doing one more thing, and start doing the right thing instead.

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How I Stopped Being Busy and Started Being Happy

 how i stopped being busy and started being happy ,stop being busy ,Start being happy ,stop being too busy ,how to stop being too busy ,how to stop being so busy all the time ,how to stop being busy all the time ,how to stop being a busy fool ,how to find joy in your life ,how to find joy in your work how to find joy in your life again

How I Stopped Being Busy and Started Being Happy

My to do list could make a grown man cry (and it almost has a few times.) I’ve woken up mornings to find my head spinning with all I need to do. And I’ve spent many nights feeling more worn out then accomplished.

I’ve used habit tracking aps, productivity tools, and focusing techniques. Yet, none of these things created the tiniest bit of space between myself and the feeling of being too busy.
But it wasn’t until recently that I realized this was a problem.

I was talking to a good friend of mine who happens to be a Zen priest. He was asking about my business and I kept saying, I should do this and I should be doing that, but I’m just so busy.

After a few minutes of listening to this he asked, “Why are you so busy?” And I replied, “Because I have to be.” He smiled back and asked, “And who decided you need to be so busy?” It was one of those moments that makes me love and hate having him as a friend.

The question put me on my ass. I reeled for a several minutes trying to justify my previous position, but he kept bringing me back to this basic assumption.

I watched as I connected busyness with almost anything I could think of. Being busy means being successful. Being busy means being productive. Being busy means being competent.

And each time I discovered that none of these things justified or explained why I was busy. Until I finally realized that being busy was just an excuse.

Why we think we should be busy?

1. We think we should be responsible

We think that responsible people are busy. Maybe our parents were this way or maybe we know someone who we admire who is always busy. So, in an attempt to be like them we fill our lives with things to do.

But being responsible isn’t about being busy. It’s about taking responsibility for our lives and following what brings us joy.

You may wonder why anyone would take out the garbage or do their taxes if they only focused on what’s joyful. If garbage fills my house or the IRS audits me that won’t bring me a lot of joy.

So, even though those things are hard I can still face them. And in fact when I focus on what’s alive for me I find have more energy to deal with the challenges that life has to offer.

2. We think we are working hard

I used to write, “I will work hard” as part of my daily vows. But I realized that working hard wouldn’t get me to where I wanted to go. Don’t get me wrong working hard and being determined is important, but if I work hard at being busy, my life doesn’t blossom, it withers.

So instead, I write I will work for joy. This doesn’t mean I’ll feel blissed out all the time, but it does mean that my aim is different. I don’t work just to say I’m working hard. I work hard find the joy in everything I do.

3. We think we should

We are a shoulding society. We should all over ourselves all the time. You should be working out more, you should be reading the classics, you should be eating more protein, you should have a six pack, you should be busy, etc.

But shoulding ourselves doesn’t actually lead to joy. It only leads to increased pressure and anxiety. So, I’ve tried to stop telling myself what I should do. Instead, I try to follow what my heart is calling me to do.

4. We are afraid to stop

For a long time I wondered what would happen if I stopped being busy? And the thought is a little scary. Who would I be? What would I do?

I realized that if I stopped being busy I’d have to face myself. I have to see what really going on in my mind. I’d have to feel the fear of failure, the pain of loneliness, the ache in my heart for a more compassionate world. And if I felt these things, I’d have to deal with them.

So instead of dealing with them I just kept moving, trying to stay one step ahead of the demons in my heart. But I realized if I was really going to embody my life I needed to give myself the space to feel all these things. I had to face myself if I was ever going to become who I wanted to be.

How to stop

Once I saw all of this I was stuck with the question of how to stop. I knew I didn’t want to waste my time watching TV all day. But I also knew that just doing for the sake of doing wouldn’t work either. So I came up with 5 Simple Rules to help me live a less busy and more full life.

1. Know What You Are Called to Do and Do It

Knowing what you are called to do is different then knowing what you want to do. What I want to do changes by the second, but what I’m called to do is different. My calling doesn’t change moment to moment it evolves slowly overtime.

The mistake I made for a long time was thinking that a calling was like a destiny. I thought that I was destined for some role, but I had no idea what that was. So I searched and searched and could never find something that fit. Eventually I realized that a calling isn’t a destiny it’s a beckoning, it’s an invitation. It’s not the destination it’s the journey.

The key to finding and following your calling is to let go of how it looks and follow how it feels. Make a list of the five to ten most important things in your life. That list is what your life is calling you to focus on. If it sings in harmony with that list, follow it. If it clashes, find a way to let it go.

2. Let Go of Should

If you are doing something only out of obligation, stop. This doesn’t mean abandon your responsibilities. It just means stop investing time into things that make you unhappy.

If it makes you happy and it’s not hurting someone do more of it. If it’s hard, but it’s helping you grow then keep at it. If it’s something you have to do, but it feels like a should, find a way to turn that should into a connection with your best self.

I don’t try to tell the truth because I should. I do it because care about integrity. I don’t write because I should post three times a week. I write because I love creating and helping other people.

3. Face your fears

If it feels safe, you probably aren’t growing. That doesn’t mean you should be running through your day screaming. It just means that you have to find your edge and push it.

I know that if something scares me I’m on the right track. So, I try to do one thing everyday that scares me. It’s usually not something huge like fighting of a pack of rabid baboons. Instead, I do things like contact people I admire or tell someone how much I care about them.

These small acts help me trust my self to face what I have to do. And it also teaches me the world isn’t as scary as I thought.

4. Follow your heart

Your brain is awesome at paying your bills but it sucks are running your life. Whenever I have to make a big choice, I let my heart lead the way and let my brain fill out the details.

Your brain has evolved to keep you alive, which is great if you are being hunted by rabid baboons, but bad if you want to find joy.

Your heart on the other hand aches for you to be connected. It longs for you to be generous, and to appreciate your life. Your heart wants you to find joy.

When it comes to the choices, give yourself the time and space to listen to your heart. If it doesn’t come alive or calls you to do something else, paying attention to it could save you a lot of time and pain.

5. Have Deep Faith

Letting go of being busy can feel a little like stepping into the abyss. The comfort of my endless to do list was that I could map out my whole life on based on what it contained.

I often make myself busy when I’m terrified I’m going to fail. I’m afraid that if I don’t keep going it will all fall apart. And when I stop, it feels like anything could happen.

But what amazes me again and again is that in the space after busy lives a deep faith that things will be ok. Maybe they won’t look how I thought they would. And usually things don’t go according to plan. But part of being alive is accepting the unknown.

I’ve found is that deep faith is there when ever I look for it. No matter what the situation is. The key is to be willing to stop and feel it.

I invite you to join me and make a promise to stop being busy. We can take these few simple rules and start putting them into action in our lives today. We can let go of the things that fill the day and instead fill our days with joy.

I know it may not be easy, but in the end, I think it will be worth it.