I’ve been thinking a lot about the choice to let go of something. Hope, people I care about, how I want things to be…
SOMETIMES LETTING GO SEEMS EASY
I recently took Facebook off of my phone and Ipad. I rarely go on to check it, just to post and share.
This didn’t feel that hard to let go. I notice an urge to go back and check it sometimes, but generally I just don’t, it’s that simple. If I can survive the urge I stay with letting go.
SOMETIMES IT FEELS HARD BUT GETS EASIER
Recently my amazing assistant told me she wasn’t happy. At first, I tried to figure out a way to get her to stay but I don’t want someone to work for me if they aren’t happy. So we agreed to give it the weekend.
Over the weekend I stayed up SUPER LATE working really hard out of fear and panic. But I eventually saw what I was doing. I relaxed. I accepted. I let go.
So on Monday when my other assistant said she was quitting too it was fine. I felt some fear and I accepted it. I ended up talking to the last remaining member of my team on Wednesday of that week and we got clear it was time for him to move on as well.
I let them go. I was scared. I was sad. But it just felt like what wanted to happen. I relaxed and let go.
SOMETIMES IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE
There are a few things in my life I continuously struggle to let go.
The need to try really hard.
Remembering my ex.
Dreaming about my future partner.
All of these feel impossible to let go of. Especially in the moment.
Pushing really hard is easy for me. Life has often felt like a bare knuckle boxing match and I just need to punch my way through.
Over and over I see myself doing this and I let go, but it comes back again and again.
I’ve sort of given up on the idea that this will ever go away completely.
Every time I feel resistance, I feel sadness. Part of me wants to reminisce, part of me wants to let go, part of me wants to feel grief.
Slowly I let go but there’s often pain. Even in the clarity of the path ahead.
Finally I often dream or fantasize about who I might be with next.
The simple feeling of peace waking up next to someone.
Again and again, I try to let these go.
These are especially difficult because the fantasies often feel really good.
Sometimes they’re painful because it makes me feel even more lonely now.
But slowly I let them go.
MOMENT TO MOMENT
Moment to moment these things seem like they never move at all.
At times I feel overwhelmed and hopeless.
But when I look back I see them slowly shift and melt.
I work less hard than I used to.
I go long stretches without thinking about my ex.
I forget about the fantasies and am just here in my life.
In these moments patience is the hardest thing for me to muster
I want to let go faster.
Which generally has me hold on harder.
But slowly, gently. I am learning to let go.