leadership

by Toku on Meditations, Poetry

Be Still

With so much going on out there, now is a time to be still.

Take your coffee out in the morning, listen to the distant sound of traffic, and birds, and children.

Sit at night, with the lights all turned off and see how many crickets you can hear.

Be with people.

Listen to the sound of their voices lilting, hear their stories, their fears, their hopes, their dreams.

This is as good for leaders, as it is dear friends.

When there is nothing to do.
When you can’t see anyone’s smile.
When it feels like things are beyond comprehension.

Just be still.

And if you notice your own anxiety, or resistance, or grief emerging. Allow it to blossom into tears, into a desire to be held, into feelings deep in your stomach.

Be still with yourself.

Life is a mystery, one more apparent now than usual.
And just like an old detective, sitting quietly and observing the suspects.

Now is a time to be still, to listen, and to notice what you can.

 
by Toku on Meditations

Your being is more valuable

We tend to think about worth in relationship to what we do for people.

Beyonce deserves to make a ton of money because of the singing and performing she does. I can charge a thousand dollars per hour because of the kind of coaching I do. A brilliant programmer deserves to make $100k+ a year because of the code he writes.

But looking at worth as a function of the value of our doing isn’t truthful.

  • If you have children how much would you pay in ransom to get them back from a kidnapper? Assuming you were confident they’d be returned to you.
  • If your partner needed a life-saving procedure and it cost $50k or $100k what lengths might you go to get that money?

And yet if you look simply at what the people closest to you actually do, it’s often very simple.

  • Children draw crayon drawings, they snuggle, they play.
  • Your partner talks to you about your day, maybe cooks a meal or two, and gives you affection.

What makes them special isn’t what they do?
What makes them special is who they are for you.

Your children are the only people who can BE your children. If I came over and drew with crayons for you it wouldn’t be the same.

Your partner is the only person who can BE your partner for you. You won’t feel the same level of depth with a house cleaning service or assistant even if they do a better job cleaning your home and helping you manage your life.

It’s who we are for people that matter most. So much so that it’s almost impossible to replace.

Yet leaders forget this all the time.

As a leader, you obsess over what you’re doing all day, when what your team really needs is for you to BE a leader for them.

What matters is who you are for people.

As a leader who you are for people is presence, integrity, and a stand for their greatness. 90% of what you, 90% of the magic is being this for other people. 10% is what you do as you be this.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking your greatest value is in what you do.

Your real value is who you are for other people.

Learn to be great for them.

 
by Toku on Skillset

Leaders Live On The Edge

The human species became so dominant because of our ability to live on the edge. We evolved by venturing out the safety of the forest onto the plains to hunt, gather, and live. Yet so many of the leaders I work with consistently fall into the trap of hiding in a nest of comfort or getting lost in a wilderness of overwork. If you want to be one of the world’s most exceptional leaders you must master the art of living on the edge between comfort and catastrophe.

Here’s how I help my clients find their true edge.

Knowing where you live:

If you:

  • Used to be passionate about your work, but now you’re mostly bored.
  • Find that your achievements impress others but don’t inspire you.
  • Think about quitting sometimes and you light up with excitement.
  • Notice yourself always complaining about your employees, your industry, your partners, and the market.
  • Feel like you’ve been coasting for a long time.

You’re living in a nest of comfortable success.

If this is you, then stop pretending that what you’re doing is hard. I know that this will be scary and maybe people around you will wonder why you’re shaking things up, but extraordinary leaders are meant to live on the edge. It’s where they thrive, grow, and create things that shape the world.

Stop protecting your success and start asking:

  • What would be possible if I challenged myself to create something truly extraordinary?
  • What would I have do to multiply my current success by ten?
  • What am I ignoring?
  • What do I secretly want to do, but am pretending it doesn’t matter that much?
  • Where am I holding back?
  • What is my impossible goal?

If you:

  • Notice that it never feels like enough.
  • Bury your head in work whenever things get hard.
  • Find yourself bragging about how busy you are and how hard you work.
  • Can’t remember the last time you took a day off.
  • Never ask for help.
  • Take pride in all the sacrifices you take, even if you don’t always need to take them.

You’re crawling through the wilderness of overwork.

If this is you . . . STOP being a flipping martyr! No one is watching and no one will benefit when you burn out in the prime of your life. The world needs leaders who lead and create, not tyrants bent on progress at all cost. (We’ve already got plenty of those.)

Instead SLOW DOWN and ask yourself:

  • What would I do if I could only work two days a week?
  • If I saw my adult kids/nieces/nephews doing what I’m doing now, how would I feel about it?
  • Why do I continue to remain in a situation that is so stressful?
  • What am I afraid would happen if I slowed down?
  • What am I holding onto that I need to let go of?
  • Who would I be if I lost it all?
  • Is what I’m building the legacy/impact project that I really want to leave to my children/the world?
  • What if I said ‘screw it’ and only did what I love to do?

Please don’t just read this post and think, hmm those are some good questions. Ask these questions. Live into them.

The cost of avoiding your edge is not small. Most people live in a place of stagnation. They grow only until they find a careful equilibrium called ‘success’ and then they wither.

The path of the extraordinary demands that you keep the hunger of curiosity alive. It demands that you look at your life with fresh eyes. Stop pretending that how you are is the way you have to be. Find your edge, wherever it is, and endeavour to live there with everything you’ve got.