Tips for Transformation In Relationship
I started saying, “You know it might be helpful if…”
But she interrupted me, “I know what you’re going to say; you think it would be better if we ran alone.”
I knew I had hit a nerve.
We both knew my goal pace was faster than hers. But maybe it came off sounding like my goal pace was to get away from her.
No matter what, it was clear we had to come up with a solution. We did eventually, but I’ll come back to that.
Changing your life can be hard on your partner. No matter how supportive they are, it tends to create tension.
It’s wonderful that you’ve started meditating, exercising, or learning a new language. But this shift can bring up fear for your partner.
This fear is very natural. Most people have had a relationship end, soon after their partner changed in some way. Even though that may be the last thought in your head, your partner isn’t in your head.
Your partner may feel neglected in your quest for a better self. They might be scared by the new direction of your life. They may wonder if there’s a place in it for your relationship.
This fear can bring up some of these thoughts:
- All he talks about is triathlons. Am I not good enough?
- Does she think she’s better than me?
- More vegetables? What’s wrong with what we cooked before?
- I feel like every time he leaves for a run he’s judging me.
- If she wants to do new things, maybe she will want to be with a new woman?
You Need Back Up
Making changes are hard enough without having your partner sabotage you. So if you are going to be successful. You will need their help. Or at least their passive consent.
So here are the keys to making your journey of transformation jive with your relationship.
Make sure you acknowledge the things you love about your partner. Let them know you appreciate how they contribute to your life. Pay special attention to the little things they do that may go unnoticed.
Let them know you aren’t judging them for not being vegetarian or for not working out. Let them know you love them and that you are changing so you can be a better person and partner.
Don’t Get Preachy
Don’t get preachy about your new changes. Just work on yourself. If your partner sees it working for you, they might ask for support to make their own change.
Be Clear on Why
Explain to your partner why you are making these changes. If you are clear about your intentions, it will assuage many of their fears. It may even garner their support.
Make time and space to spend time together. This how my partner and I found our solution.
We would do our long run separately, but we would warm up and cool down together. We would also do a bonus ‘Togetherness Run” on Friday so we could spend time talking about our week.
If you are in a relationship, have a family, or just have a less active friend, sit down and talk about a healthy way to spend time together.
Share ideas like going on a hike, going for walks, and see what sounds good.
The goal is to find a healthy way to get active and spend time with each other.
Make an effort to meet them where they are. You aren’t likely to convert your partner to CrossFit, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find something that will make you both happy.