Do You Know When Help Isn’t Helpful?

Do You Really Want Help ?

There are many times in my life I have reached out to others asking for guidance, direction, or assistance. I did this because in that moment I thought I needed those things. I thought that if someone would pause and give me their time and energy, I would feel better and maybe even give me the help I needed to make a change. And sometimes when I asked for help this is what happened. But there were other times when no matter how much help I requested nothing got better.

The Break Up

I remember one time when I was thinking about breaking up with a girlfriend. And even though every friend I asked suggested that I’d be better off without my partner, I wasn’t satisfied. I think I heard 50 different versions of how poorly we were matched, how overly dramatic our fights had become, and how we’d both be better off alone.

But despite all of this advice, council, and perspective, I couldn’t find relief. You see while I knew that every piece of advice I’d received was helpful and accurate. The truth was, I didn’t really want to change. Sure, I knew that I’d likely be better off on my own, but I wasn’t willing to face the pain of losing the relationship.

And so I stayed. I stayed in the relationship, the fights, and even more interestingly, I continued asking for help.

I knew enough to realize I was in a bad way, but I also lacked the strength to make a change. That’s why while asking for help can be really helpful, in some cases it can becomes an excuse for not taking action to make the change we already know we need to make.

Ask Yourself

So right now take a minute and ask yourself what changes have I  been talking about for a long time? Focus especially on the changes you’ve researched alot, but haven’t actually done anything about?

Maybe you’ve been thinking of writing a book. Maybe there’s an old friend you’ve been meaning to call. Or maybe you’ve been discussing cutting sugar out of your diet.

But no matter what the change now might be a good time to consider that the problem isn’t that you don’t have enough information, but rather that you are afraid. Afraid of being someone new, of letting go, and of facing this hidden part of your life.

Consider what it would be like if you stopped asking for help and just took the first step to making that change. Your heart isn’t waiting for the perfect piece of advice to come along. Your heart is waiting for you to show up, take action, and be the person you’ve always known you could be.

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