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Your Life Is Art

February 23, 2021 By Toku

No one signs their name anymore. Not really. We make a half-assed squiggle with our finger on a digital screen. We scribble our name on documents, the letter collapsing and falling over.

I’m the worst at this. Except when I went to vote by mail. Then my signature was pristine, perfect, and crisp. I wrote it with care because it mattered. Because I knew someone was watching.

You might think that how you sign your name doesn’t matter. After all, the card company isn’t going to check it. The barista or waiter isn’t either. Even when I write “check ID” on the back of my cards almost no one asks.

And as a stand-alone occurrence, it probably doesn’t matter. After all I’m not singing the declaration of independence or the constitution.

Recently I started to notice this trend in myself, towards convenience, speed, and efficiency. It started to bother me. Because my life, your life is not a thing to be dispensed with, to be scribbled off.

Your life is art. Or it can be.

Last month I had a virtual date. At first, I thought I’d order us dinner. Maybe get some flowers delivered to her house. But then I realized that I could make art with it. So I made a website. Nothing too complex, it only took me an hour or so.

The website guided us through the date. I gave us a structure. The date itself became a form of art. I shared it with a couple of other people who were helping me out and they were both moved by it.

Over New Year’s weekend I went hiking. And the conversation I shared on that hike was art. It was about couples who go hiking. We spent a few moments together laughing and taking in the scenery. We weren’t concerned with the mileage or exactly how fast we wanted to go. The hike itself became art.

When I cook, I feel into the food. I cut the onions, making sure the carrots look uniform. I try to add different colors of sweet potatoes. I think about a garnish. So that when the dish is done, there’s texture, shades, and so much more. The food itself is art.

This is what it means to make art with life. Sometimes it’s dramatic, a bold gesture, a full on production. And sometimes it’s incredibly subtle, like how you sign your name on a digital pad.

Making art with your life is possible, here’s how.

1) Notice what you don’t notice:

There are places where all of us take things for granted. The way our love kisses us in the morning. The way you make your coffee. The way you brush your teeth. These places are rich repositories and opportunities to create art with your life.

Your relationships are filled with small moments of unconsciousness and routine. So simply start noticing what you don’t notice, what you step over, and what you take for granted.

2) Look at it from a new perspective:

There are things we get through and there are things we create through. We get through waiting for the plane to board. We create through writing a birthday card for someone we love. We get through washing the dishes. We create through cooking a special meal as a treat for ourselves.

Everything that is a ‘get through’ moment can become a ‘create through’ moment.

I learned this really well when I worked in the kitchen at the Zen Monastery I lived at for two years. In kitchen practice everything we did was infused with mindfulness and compassion. We cut carrots with love. We stirred pots with deep presence.

I swear you could taste it in the food. And you could certainly feel it as you cooked.

What we were doing was no different than what is done in commercial kitchens all over the world, but it felt different.

We took a perspective of wonder, curiosity, and attention to what we did.

After you notice what you didn’t notice, try to look at it differently. See if you can see it as an invitation into creation. Ask yourself how could I create through this?

3) Answer the question “How could I create through this?”

The next step is simple. You answer the question, with an I could.

I could write poems at the bus stop.
I could connect with my Uber driver.
I could draw a small masterpiece on the coffee shop Ipad.
I add a garnish to my dinner.
I could really connect with my beloved as we say goodbye.
I could be fascinated by my child’s day even if it’s so simple.

You don’t have to do all of these things. You don’t have to do any of them. This isn’t about finding what you ‘should’ do or the ‘right thing’ to do. That’s not the nature of art.

This isn’t painting by numbers.

You’re just looking at what you COULD do. If making art with your life is new, you can spend some time here. Just dreaming. Thinking of things to try. You can’t stay here, but it’s a good start because you’re opening up new possibilities for yourself.

Slowly carefully lovingly let yourself be open to what’s possible.

4) Try something . . . anything

Once you’ve gotten a few ideas one will call to you. For me, the one that scares me or lights me up and turns me on the most will speak to me. So now it’s time to try it out.

I’ll be honest at first you’re going to be a bit awkward and clunky. You may get some weird looks, but you should try it anyway. You’ll realize you can survive being a bit silly and absurd. And often it will go way better than you can imagine.

Not all art is a success, but that’s not the point of art. The point of art is to create something new, to express something, and to allow that something to blossom and wither in a moment.

So try something. It’s ok if it’s not the boldest thing, it’s ok if it is super bold, but just try.

5) Learn and refine

Now that you’ve created something and put it into the world, refine it. Draw a different kind of sun on the coffee shop Ipad. Add a smile to your present goodbye kiss. Ask your kiddo about their day at dinner instead of when they get home. Try rosemary instead of thyme as the garnish.

Artists don’t just paint one painting and stop. They create and recreate. They try again, they add something else, they take something away.

The reason why learning and refining are so important is that they help you move from a moment of expression to a practice of it. Instead of making art an event—like an anniversary dinner—it becomes part of the ritual of your life.

This is the final step and it is the one you have to keep making again and again.

I realized that you might be wondering why you’d want to do this?

Why not just have a nice dinner with your partner once a year?
Why not just squiggle my name on an Ipad?

For me, the reason is simple. Life is the most rare and precious commodity you have. Especially your life. You’ve only got so many days, so many moments, so many chances.

It’s like you’ve got a box of crayons and they’re wearing down all the time and you never really know when you’ll get to the bottom of them.

So what do you want to do with them? You can squiggle your signature. Die of boredom waiting for the bus. Resent and cling to routine out of a need for control.

Or you can make art with them. Over and over again I’ve chosen art and I’ve seen the people around me who I most admire do the same.

So please choose to make art. It can be simple even mundane art. But even then, it will still be art.

And at the end of your life you’ll be so grateful that you chose to create through it.

Filed Under: Poetry, Mindset Tagged With: art, art is life, beauty, cooking, creating art, creating art anywhere, finding the beauty, finding the beauty in the mundane, future, gratitude, happiness, how to be good at art, how to be happy, how to be positive, how to cook with love, how to create art, how to have a great life, how to make art, how to use crayons, language, life, life is art, life is beautiful, love, mind and body fitness, transformation, trying new things, your life is art, zen habits, zen monk

Day 6: People Are Amazing

January 27, 2015 By Toku

Some days it feels like you’re all alone. Some days it feels like you versus the world and the world is kicking your ass.

Today is a day like that for me. Today I’m struggling to face myself and my life when all I really feel like doing is crawling under the covers, ordering a huge pizza, and bingeing on some crappy mind numbing Netflix show that is of no redeeming social value whatsoever.

And then I don’t. I don’t hide, I don’t quit, and I don’t succumb to my dark desires for digital televised self loathing. And it’s not because I have an endless supply of happiness, or gratitude, or Zen-like calmness. I wish I had those things, but I don’t.

Instead I avoid falling in a pit of despair because of one very simple and important thing: Other people.

When I’m feeling down, I reach out. I tell my closest friends that I’m having a bad day, I talk to my partner about my confusion and the deep desires in my heart. I sit with my Buddhist sangha, and I pet my cat (if she let’s me). I bitch, moan, and cry but I don’t do it to an empty room. I do it to someone, anyone who will listen.

The Biology of Loneliness
As humans it’s our biological nature to fear solitude. Back in the jungle book days of our species being alone meant death. We developed a need for other humans that was deep and lasting. And this deep need served us well for centuries as we lived in tight knit communities, huddled around fires, praying that we would be safe from the beasts hiding in the shadows.

The problem is that in the modern world our tribes have become fragmented. We no longer see the tight bonds we share. And we’re too willing to accept a televised approximation of a relationship instead of investing our time and energy into the real people all around us. And why not? Televised relationships are so predictable, the story archs so archetypal, and the drama so engaging.

Real people are boring, have problems, aren’t air brushed, and get sick and die at unexpected times.

But if you’re going to create lasting happiness in your life you have to learn to pay attention and appreciate all those pink little bags of blood that make up your life. Yes it will mean you have to learn to be patient, listen, and compromise some level of control and preferences.

But I assure you that it’s totally worth it. When you take the time to be aware of, thank, and love the people around you for who they are, you’ll find they hold and cheer you up when you need it most. People are amazing and it’s about time you started treating them that way.

Happiness Challenge #6

1. Practice: Make a list of 5 people who’ve had a positive impact on your life recently. Make sure to include at least 2 people you know well and 2 people who you may not normally thank or express kindness to.

  • Think about how these people have helped you and the support they offer you.
  • Close your eyes and feel their support as it holds you up.
  • Then write out an email, letter, or note to each of them telling them thank you. You can either do one a day for five days or do them all at once, it’s up to you.
  • Then send the emails, mail the letters, and drop off the notes.
  • Once you’ve done this let go of any expectations of the replies you hope to get.
  • Let these thank yous be like ships of love you send out without hope they will return. Feel what it’s like to appreciate those around you without expecting anything back.

2. Reflect: After you’ve written or sent your messages, pause and notice how it feels.

  • What questions pop into your mind?
  • Did you feel shy about saying thanks?
  • How does saying thank you make you feel about your own life?
  • What does it make you feel about how you support others?

3.Share: As always share one or all of the ways below.

  • Write a Blog Post: Share one of your letters openly or what your experience was as you wrote them or after you sent them. Make sure to post a link in the comments or on Facebook.
  • Share on Social Media: Share your list of amazing people and why they rock, share something this challenge helped you see, or share why saying thanks was hard for you. Remember to share with the tag #30dayhappy and in our facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/30dayhappy)
  • Share in the comments: If you do nothing else please share in the comments. Share a question you had or the people you wrote to, or something you liked or struggled with during the challenge.

Filed Under: Mindset Tagged With: happiness, how can i be happy, how can i be happy with my life

Adapt: The 3 Steps to Everyday Happiness

March 22, 2013 By Toku

Adapt A Chameleon Mindful Fitness mindfitmove Learn to adapt what is mindfulness?
Fixed Ideas
Fixed ideas are the source of 90% of our suffering.

It goes like this:
– We get a picture in our head.
– Then we look at the world.
– We compare.
– We realize they don’t match.
– We get sad.
– We get angry.
– We get frustrated.

But it doesn’t have to be like this. We can learn to work with these fixed ideas. We can learn to adapt.

The Audition
When I was a high school senior I went in to audition for a play. I was sure I was perfect for the lead.

I had spent 4 years in the drama program. I had prepared for the part. I knew was going to get it. They owed it to me.

As the auditions progressed, I kept waiting for my chance. I read for a few other parts. But I wasn’t getting called for the lead.

All of a sudden the audition was over. I was devastated. I did get a part, but it wasn’t the lead.

You Don’t Deserve Nuthin’
Looking back, I realize I wasn’t right for the part. Even if I had tried out, I wouldn’t have gotten it. It just wasn’t me.

But at the time, it was hard. It was hard because, I had formed a fixed idea. I thought I deserved the part.

After I was over getting upset, I realized a hard truth. You don’t get something just because you think you deserve it.

It was a tough lesson to learn. But once I was able to let go of that idea, my life became much easier.

You can’t just flip a switch and get rid of all fixed ideas. But, you can learn to be more flexible, to adapt. And if you do you’ll be happier everyday of your life.

The 3 Keys to Everyday Happiness

1. Hold Your Preferences Lightly
Ever heard that story about the band that demanded a bowl of brown M&M’s at every show? Crazy right?

Yet, we all have our own version of this. Little idiosyncrasies that we ‘need’ to be happy. I once got into a fight over the proper way to load silverware into a dishwasher. (handles up and pre-sorted obviously)

The truth is unless it’s a food allergy you don’t need it that way. You just like it that way. It’s just one preference in a universe of preferences. You’ll be much happier if you learn to hold it lightly. Or even better let it go completely.

2. You Can’t Should’ve Done Anything
You can replay that conversation again and again. You’ll never be able to go back and say the right thing. If you need to apologize do it and move on.

Once it’s happened, it’s happened. Accept responsibility for your part and work to do better next time.

Don’t waste time with arguments in your head. Holding onto the past is not adapting. Look, learn, and then let it go.

3. When It All Falls Apart, Let It Go.
Yesterday, I got locked out of my partners house… twice. Both times, I left my computer at her house. So, I couldn’t get any work done.

I could’ve gotten upset, but instead I just took the day off. I did some foam rolling, took a long shower, and did a short tempo run.

It was a great day, because I accepted that I had no control over the situation.

If your flight is delayed, if your car breaks down, take whatever action you can and then relax. Worrying doesn’t speed anything up.

As the Dalai Lama Says “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”

MindFitMove Practice
1. Pick one preference, one small mistake, or one mishap to let go of.
2. Look for the fixed idea that you’re holding onto.
3.Realize that just because you think it’s true doesn’t mean it’s so.
4. Let it go.
5. Notice that you haven’t let it go.
6. Let it go again.

Let’s Talk:
What weird preferences do you have, that you have a hard time letting go?

Photo Credits

Filed Under: Mindset Tagged With: adapt, Adapt: The 3 Steps to Everyday Happiness, devastated, fixed ideas, great day, happiness, idiosyncrasies, it all falls apart, let go, mindfitmove, no control, not getting what you want, practice, preferences, the past, what you deserve

Do Stuff You Don’t Like

February 1, 2013 By Toku

Do Stuff You Don’t LikePicture of Ship Wreck Door Hanger

I hate doing stuff I don’t like. I know BIG REVELATION, right?

I made a career out the pursuit of novelty and the art of avoiding challenges. I have a resume with over 30 jobs to prove it.
(Curious? I’ll list them all at the end of this post.)

My Life

Most of my life I have sought out the, illusive “cool job”

I always thought I was ahead of the game. I thought, “ If I’m willing to go anywhere to find happiness, I‘ll be happy.”

I would look around and find a cool job. I would purse it with vigor. I wouldn’t stop until I got it.

Once I got it, I would study it and break it down. I’d bask in the glory, because I had the coolest job in the world.

Damn You Impermanence
But, nothing lasts forever.

Inevitably, the novelty would wear off. Then I would be stuck in a job that was hard, that I didn’t care about, and that bored me to tears.

I went through this cycle repeatedly:
· Idea/Pursuit
· Acquisition
· Excitement/Love
· Stagnation
· Boredom/Frustration
· Abandonment

Eventually, I started to lose hope.

Maybe, there wasn’t a perfect job out there. Maybe, I didn’t have a calling in life. Maybe my life was pointless.

I kept looking for the perfect thing. Alas, the idea in my head never matched the reality on the ground.

One Important Thing
So, what did having all these jobs teach me?

No matter how many jobs you have, No matter how many times you change careers, you always have to do something you don’t like.

This lesson took me forever to learn. But, it taught me how I could work with doing things I don’t like.

KWITYERBELLYAKIN
This phrase is on a plaque in my childhood home. Translation? Quit your bellyaching!

This is the key to doing things we don’t like

As long as we bitch, moan, and complain about something, we can’t accept it. Complaining = Resisting, Resisting = Misery

When we accept:

  • We stop resisting.
  • We acknowledge a hard fact.
  • We set the intention to work with it.

I’m not suggesting you just give up and say, “OK, I’ll just keep the job I hate. Acceptance and discouraged surrender are not the same things.

Instead, we must accept that there will always be things we don’t like to do.

Great Wall

Border of Difficulty
Your border of difficulty lies at the edge of your resistance zone. Every time I do something that’s hard for me, my border of difficulty expands.

If I avoid what I don’t like my border of difficulty shrinks.

If I lived like this, by the time I’m my parent’s age I’ll be in a tiny box. My own resistance will surround me.

Choose Your Own Adventure
We have a choice. We can choose to resist and suffer and give into this cycle or we can choose to live our life.

We must embrace those hard things that make life better. We have to find what motivates us, when it’s no fun.

For me that thing is teaching, mindfulness, and fitness. Running my own business, I do things I don’t like all the time.

But I love working with people. I love helping people change their lives. So, for me it’s worth it.

MindFitMove Practice
Now it’s your turn.

Just answer this one question:

What makes or would make doing what you don’t like worth it?

Thanks for reading here is my job list (In reverse order):

  • 1. Founder of the Mindful Fitness Movement
  • 2. Political Phone Bank Manager
  • 3. Field Organizer for Political Campaign
  • 4. Enrichment Teacher At A Preschool
  • 5. Head of marketing at a Zen Monastery
  • 6. House Manager at a Mississippi Studios
  • 7. Ticket Taker Mississippi Studios
  • 8. Ski instructor at Timberline
  • 9. Merchandise Rep for Phil Vassar
  • 10. Merchandise Rep For Nashville Merch Company
  • 11.Business consultant
  • 12. Shipping Room Worker
  • 13. Stage Manager for the Gin Blossoms
  • 14. Guitar Tech For the Gin Blossoms
  • 15. Retail clerk,
  • 16. President of Indie Music Organization Start Up
  • 17. Manager of Artist Development Dist Company
  • 18. Rep for On Site Marketing firm
  • 19. Office Assistant
  • 20. Rep for Reggae Record Company
  • 21. Greenpeace Canvas Team Leader
  • 22. PIRG Canvasser
  • 23. Glass Art Salesman
  • 24. Paid High School Wrestling Coach
  • 25. White House Gift Shop Clerk
  • 26. Men’s Clothing Sales Rep
  • 27. Server at Joes Crab Shack
  • 28. Host At Romano’s Macaroni Grill
  • 29. Car Detailer
  • 30. Ran a Sumo Chicken Boxing Ring
  • 31. Baby sitter
  • 32. Bag Boy at Kroger

Filed Under: Skillset Tagged With: adventure, border of difficulty, cool job, cycles, Do Stuff You Don’t Like, happiness, hard things, impermanence, intention, mindfitmove, mindfulness, motivation, my life, novelty, resistance, whiny, worth it

Just Be Ordinary

January 21, 2013 By Toku

Dedicated to Martin Luther King
an ordinary man who 
changed the world
Just Be Ordinary
 
Our society worships celebrity. It seems wherever we turn we are being told that we must be on TV to be exceptional. In reality, you are actually more interesting, meaningful,  and special than most celebrities. I know, because I’ve met, lived, and worked with them.
Fame
I worked for many years in the music business. I met famous people and even worked with a few ‘celebrities.’
Here’s what I learned about fame:
 
1. Authenticity is rare: Many famous people are very private and isolated. The reason is most people kowtow and kiss up to you. It’s hard to know if someone likes you or just likes your status.
2. Honesty is rare: Not many people will tell you how it is. They want to groom your ego. This may sound great. But people need honestyto develop trust and maintain sanity.
3. Deep satisfaction is rare: Fame is a game of comparison. There is always someone more famous. There is always a bigger tour. Even though they are catered to, very often ‘famous’ people aren’t happy. 
 
Whether or not someone is famous it’s their ability to be ordinary that sets them apart. By far the most amazing people I’ve ever met have been ordinary people first and last.
What does it mean to be ordinary?
 Being ordinary is about being human. Being ordinary is realizing that talent alone doesn’t make greatness. Being ordinary is a vital step on the path of transformation.
Being ordinary doesn’t mean resigning yourself to fate. It doesn’t mean giving up. Being ordinary means relying on your humanity.
What makes people like Mother Teresa, Ghandi, and Martin Luther King amazing is how ordinary they were.
None of them were super human. They were ordinary people who were devoted, passionate, and wouldn’t give up.
Don’t Be Superman
Trying to be super human doesn’t work. Just look at Lance Armstrong, or Barry Bonds. What If they had accepted their lives and their abilities without enhancement?
 Would they would have been amazing figures of sport? Probably. Maybe not as amazing, but they would have achieved great things.
But instead they tried to be something more and ended up being something less.
Being ordinary is about embracing the everyday. It’s about affirming our life, just as it is.

 MindFitMove Practice

Embracing the ordinary is a skill. Here are 3 tips to help you be more exceptionally ordinary today:
 
1. Stop Comparing
We only get into trouble, when we compare ourselves with others. Ordinary life can seem disappointing compared with a semi-scripted television show. But ordinary life isextraordinary.
That’s one problem with comparison. When we compare, we always find ourselves lacking. When we compare we put others on a pedestal.
I would encourage everyone to stop comparing. Only compare if it motivates to go further. Just remember it usually does the opposite.
Run your race. Train the way you need to. Don’t worry about what that other person is doing at the gym. Focus on the work you have to do. Because only you can do it. 
 
2. Practice Satisfaction
 In the U.S. it seems like being dissatisfied is a pass time. We proclaim our preferences loudly and proudly. We complain, we sue, and we act offended.
We don’t have to do this. Instead, we can learn to be satisfied with less. When we learn to be satisfied, we learn to be content.
However, we have to practice satisfaction.
Try being satisfied with the substitute yoga teacher. Try being satisfied without your iPod on a run. Try being satisfied with your performance, even if it isn’t perfect.
3. Express Gratitude
Write down one thing you are grateful for everyday. Sit down with your partner, friend, or family member and tell them  why you are grateful for them in detail.
Say thank you to servers, bus drivers, and most importantly yourself.
Thank yourself for running, for doing your best to eat right, for trying something new, and for transforming your life.
These 3 simple things will change how you look at your life, how you feel about your life, and how you live your life.
Be amazingly ordinary, because it takes many ordinary people to change the world. It takes one ordinary person to transform their life. That ordinary person is you.

Filed Under: Mindset Tagged With: authenticity, compare, devoted, everyday, Fame, gratitude, happiness, hero, honesty, humanity, Just Be Ordinary, lance armstrong, martin luther king, mind and body fitness, MLK, satisfaction, super human

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