dharamtrainer

by Toku on Mindset

Why didn’t I exercise over Thanksgiving?

The holidays break up our routines and tug at our heartstrings. They have bring up old memories as well as old insecurities. For many people this season is a season of pitfalls and minefields for health vows. Here are 4 tips on how to navigate the holidays and maintain mindfulness around living a balanced and healthy life.
1. Cook more veggies: For thanksgiving many people have a CARB FEST. The problem with this is that carbs have tons of excess calories and they tend to make us sleepy and lethargic. You know all the stuff about tryptophan in the turkey? Bogus. They have done studies and the reason you get so sleepy is the massive intake of carbs. Instead try cooking more veggies. This year I sautéed kale with golden raisins and my uncle grilled fresh asparagus. Half of my thanksgiving plate was veggies and I didn’t have to take a nap after dinner. If you are going over to someone’s house, offer to bring some veggies along — you will likely be one of the few people touting leafy greens.
2. Make plans to exercise: If you can exercise with your family, great. If not, include your exercise in your plans with your family. Family stuff has a way of expanding to take up the time you have, so set clear intentions and tell your family what those plans are. You are more likely to follow through.
3. Don’t drink too much: I made this mistake. My family is not a big drinking family, but when everyone else is having a beer, it’s easy to go along. I rarely drink, but when I was home I had a cocktail almost every night. Because of this I tended to wake up later and a bit groggier.   You can be festive without imbibing and you are much more likely to wake up early and go for a run. It’s OK to have a drink or two, but an every other day rule might be the best policy.
4. Get enough sleep: I know you want to see your friends, and your extended family probably wakes up earlier than you normally do. Going to bed early every other night will ensure that you get to stay up and enjoy that late night discussion of metaphysics with your cousin, or hear things you never knew about your uncle. It will also make sure you get enough sleep and thus have enough energy to exercise.
Take some time this week and create a plan for how you are going to get through the holidays mindfully. Don’t forget to give yourself more slack than normal. The goal is to maintain awareness more than any strict rules that will be hard to stick to.  If nothing else remember this one simple rule: the holidays only last 1-2 months, just make it through ‘til January 2nd and then commit to starting back into your old routine.

 
by Toku on Mindset

The art of not caring too much.

Seal on a Beach

My United States of Whatever

So it happens to all of us. Work gets crazy busy, we don’t have enough time to exercise, we can’t see our friends, and things just won’t stop.

Stress can make any of us lose it a little bit and the long term health consequences are real. Stress causes all sorts of chronic illness and leads us to engage in unhealthy habits like overeating, drinking, and using drugs.

Hectic times can’t be avoided, but there are some. Here is one practice that is vital if you want to navigate these waters with as little stress as possible.

Preferences

Hold your preferences and opinions lightly: Ok, so this is one of the toughest practices to develop as a habit, but it’s probably one of the most transformational.

Everyone, and I mean everyone has some perspective on everything that gets done. Even if that perspective is ‘I don’t care.’ Very often people think there way is the best way.

Usually there are several good ways to do something, but we start to identify with our way and then we get upset when things are done differently. Our way becomes us. An attack on our way, becomes an attack on us.

It’s Not All About You

Now the truth. Our way, maybe it’s the best, maybe not, but mostly it’s just one of many opinions in the universe. Also it’s probably not an especially important one.

Now an opinion on whether or not you should give birth to a child, or kill living beings, that is an important preference. Mostly though our preferences are for the way we put silverware in a dishwasher, or the proper way to put on a roll of TP.

I have learned to let go of many these types of preferences. They just don’t really matter that much in the long run and when they are challenged, I go, “You know this isn’t really worth getting upset about.”

It’s a relief to do it, because then I’m not holding up this big sense of self. I don’t have to lug around my silly ego manifested in 1000’s of little tiny preferences and opinions. Life becomes simpler, but I don’t lose my sense of power or self worth.

As Long As It Matter

When something really matters to me I speak up and I speak up loud. When this happens people listen, because I don’t  speak up about just anything. When I speak up I know it’s important because I’ve let go of so many unimportant preferences go. Things that drove me up the wall and things I’ve fought about with ex-partners are no longer a big problem in my life.

So you may be wondering how to practice letting go of preferences. First, just notice when your preferences are coming up and pay attention to if they are really important or not. Next when something rubs you the wrong way learn to breath and let it go. Then repeat until you are getting really reactive then take a break. Finally, learn the difference between boundaries and preferences.

Boundaries

Boundaries keep you safe, but preferences keep you trapped in reactivity. While trying to let go of preferences notice those that make up your sense of integrity and well being. Part of the way you find you boundaries is by letting them get crossed. When I let go of preferences often I find that some preferences think are important, aren’t and some that I saw as silly, are actually important to me.

Experiment and don’t be afraid to talk to someone about getting reactive. It’s not the getting reactive that is the problem, it’s the stewing about it. Letting go of preferences isn’t the same as holding it all in. The key, as always, is paying close attention to the little tricks our mind plays.

Letting go of preferences and opinions is a hard practice, but now that I have done it for years I can stay calm and cool in many situations. People tell me that I’m such a calm person and I’m convinced the reason why is that I have learned to hold myself lightly.

MindFitPractice

Try letting go of preferences this week. Start with some silly ones and go from there. Put the silverware in the ‘wrong way,’ roll that TP from the underside, and mostly have fun with it. When we see how silly we have been all these years it’s less embarrassing, then hilarious.

Thanks for reading and Be Well
Gentoku

 
by Toku on Mindset

I wrote this on my IPhone

06_archimedes_35438535_620x433I had a conversation with a friend recently about whether or not she should purchase an IPhone. I listened as she justified and unjustified the purpose of the purchase. She listed reason pros and cons about having or not having one. This is a pattern I have noticed often in my self and others.

It’s funny that we do this. We decide we want something and then our mind goes into overdrive trying to figure out how to make sense of the desire. It comes up with reasons to agree with what we already want, in part to hide that really we just want it. Often we want it for simple reasons like peace, joy, and fun, but we feel we have to justify it.

When I reflect on what this mindset, I can see this little story and it goes: “I’m not that special I don’t deserve x,y,or z, unless I can justify why it might make me special or a least mitigate my unspecialness.
By not letting ourselves treat and reward ourselves we perpetuate the mindset of not being worthy.

This past year I wanted to buy a new fancy road bike, but felt I had to justify it. After listening to me go through this process, my good friend Lashelle told me , “It’s ok to just want something nice.” I realized she was right and it felt so liberating.

I did buy the bike and instead of feeling like I was buying it to fix something wrong with me, I felt like I was buying it to celebrate all the hard work I had done. Just a small shift in my perspective allowed me to let go of that negative self talk just a little bit.

Take some time this week to celebrate yourself. You don’t have to go out a buy something big or fancy, but take a few minutes to celebrate all the things you do to help other and yourself. In buddhism this is called reflecting on virtue.

Very often we don’t give ourselves enough credit. So give your self a pat on the back already.

Thanks for reading and be well,
Gentoku