criticism

by Toku on Mindset

Be Gentle … It’s My First Time

First Kiss

Picture from Tampa Band Photos

Do you remember your first time?
The anticipation, the subtle scent of perspiration, and the heavy breathing. Maybe you were with someone you cared about, but maybe you felt alone.

I felt this way, my first time. It was exciting, challenging, and sometimes confusing. I thought I knew what I was doing, but it was more than I had expected.

Afterwards I was tired, sore, and sweaty. I felt like I had accomplished something. I remember thinking; I’ll never forget this. I’ll never forget, the first time, the first time I did Cross Fit.

The First Time
Just accept it. The first time you do anything, it’s going to be hard. Some people are naturals, but more often, they’re naturally awkward.

Don’t worry! There are many great things about doing something new. Here are a few things to focus on when you try something new.

The Basics
See that woman at the yoga studio doing prasarita into a headstand. She looks pretty cool right? Think about how cool you would look. Maybe I’ll just try to … STOP! You aren’t that woman.

The best way to start is with the basics. Don’t do complex workouts or heavy weight lifting. Learn the basics and build from there.

Learning bad form increases your chance of injury and limits your ability to go further in your practice. A strong set of fundamentals, will help you achieve more ,whether it’s in weight lifting, yoga, or cross fit.

Ask Me Anything
Who wants to be the guy/girl who doesn’t know anything? You want to be in the ‘IN’ crowd,

The only thing worse then a neophyte, is a falsely confident one. When you are new, let yourself be helpless. People like being treated like experts.

Ask a thousand questions. You never know what might help you and another student afraid to ask.

Notice Negative Thoughts
Starting something new activates your inner critic. Your inner critic is the voice or the part of you that tells you you’re screwing up.

Notice this voice arising. It will say you are awkward, slow, and crazy to try something new. Don’t listen to it, but don’t ignore it either. Just notice it, realize this voice isn’t you, and let it go.

Your inner critic wants you to do well. But it only has one tool and that tool is criticism. By noticing what your inner critic is saying you can work with it.

Be Proud
Be proud of yourself for starting something new, especially if you are over the age of 30. Many people’s lives shrink as they get older. The only way to counter act this is to make trying new things a habit.

I’m not suggesting you pursue novelty, but learning new things is a great way to help us pay attention and appreciate all life has to offer.

MindFitMove Practice
– Pick something to try and do it.
– Sign up for an introductory class, join a meet up group, or find a local yoga shop.
– Don’t invest big money, but make a small commitment to get started this week.
– Make your initial commitment small but consistent.
– You may discover that you don’t like it, but that’s ok.
– You’ll have more time to explore something else.

 

 
by Toku on Mindset

How Is Criticism Is Good For You?


Criticism is one of the hardest things to hear. However, criticism doesn’t have to be all negative. If you able to hear it with mindfulness, criticism can be a chance to see yourself and your ‘criticizer’ on a deeper level.

Criticism >= Stomach Punch?
Recently I was talking with a senior member of my spiritual community. While we were talking my business, the Mindful Fitness Movement, came up.

He expressed concern about how I talked about my time at the monastery. He suggested it was inappropriate to list the 2 years I spent at the monastery on my business website.

The next thing I knew I found myself getting defensive and reactive. What I heard him saying was, “I had no business trying to help anyone at all.”

I was able to explain why I listed the monastery on my site and leave the conversation skillfully.  Still, I left feeling very agitated.

3 Windows Of Criticism
Later after I calmed down I was able to look at what I call the 3 windows of criticism.

1. Their Truth – This is your best guess at what the criticizer is expressing. My best guess was, “Training at the monastery is a sacred tradition. I want to honor that tradition.”

2. My Fear – This is the fear that the criticism triggered.
My fear was, “I’m afraid my spiritual community doesn’t support my work. I’m afraid the person I respect thinks I can’t help people. What if he’s right?”

3. The Value – This can be a shared value or two separate values that each of your is trying to support. The value I saw was, “We both want to honor and support a tradition that helped us find peace and meaning.”

It is hard to hear a person’s values through their criticism. But it’s important to try and see what they care about.  Even if you don’t support how they are trying to meet those values.

MindFitMove Practice:
Think of an occurrence in your recent past where you felt criticized. Then follow the steps below.

1. Write down what you remember the person saying. (Try not to interpret or write assumptions)

2.Write down what your reaction was in words and/or thought. 

3. Write down the feelings that came up for you when they said it.

4. Write down Their Truth, Your Fear, and The Values you were both holding.

Once you have gone through these steps it’s up to you to decide which if any action needs to be taken. Often when we receive criticism our willingness to hear and understand the person is enough to make the difference.

Remember that it’s not about blame. It’s about finding a way forward that honors both of you.