December 7, 2021 by Toku on Mindset

The Four Stages of Change: Navigating Change

Change in people follows a predictable pattern. Understanding this pattern can help you understand where you are in the change process and how to move to the next stage.

Stage 1: Unconscious to conscious

The first stage is going from unconscious to conscious.

In recovery work it’s called admitting you have a problem. In meditation, it’s called noticing when you’re thinking.

Sometimes this happens because you’re forced to wake up to something you didn’t notice before. Sometimes this happens because you want to change and you start looking. No matter how it happens before you can shift something you must become conscious of it.

How to know if you’re here: There’s a problem you’ve been avoiding. You know you need to deal with it, but you’re afraid to admit it to yourself or someone else.

How to move on: Share what’s going on with someone you trust. Ask them just to listen and reflect. Sometimes telling someone else can be really powerful and healing.

Stage 2: Fixing to Facing

The second stage is going from fixing to facing.

Once you notice something you’ll start seeing it everywhere. You’ll want it to be different but you won’t really know what to do about it. You’ll try to control, suppress, or hack your way around the problem. This generally doesn’t work very well. Some of these solutions will work for a little bit but usually you are just fixing something in the short term. It doesn’t really change things.

A lot of people get stuck here, just noticing something and fixing it so they can forget. This is why beer was invented.

If you’re really committed to change and you’ve got good support you’ll eventually move beyond this. You’ll realize that you can’t just fix what’s happening, you have to actually look at what’s causing it. You’ll have to change how you relate to it and address who you’re being that’s making this problem show up again and again.

How to know if you’re here: You see repeating problems showing up in your life. You try to stick a bandaid on it but the problem keeps coming up.

How to move on: Get some support to distinguish the problem and what’s actually causing it. Work to figure out how you have tried to fix it and what it would mean to stop creating this problem in the first place.

Stage 3: Problem to a Possibility

The third stage is going from a problem to a possibility.

Once you have fully faced your problem you have a chance to truly transform it and yourself. Most people who are stuck in fixing are focused on what they don’t want. They don’t want to smoke anymore, they don’t want to be single, they don’t want to have a cluttered inbox. All of this not wanting has you fixated on the problem.

Something magical happens when you start to think about what you DO want. You want to feel healthy and vibrant. You want to create an incredible relationship. You want to answer people in a timely manner.

When you start to focus on what you want instead of focusing on what you want to avoid, things begin to shift. You’ll start to realize that there are many ways to start creating what you want. You’ll get inspired by what your goal is instead of discouraged by your setbacks. You’ll start to get supported in creating what you want and things begin to feel a bit easier.

How to know if you’re here: You have a problem you want to resolve and you’ve begun to look at what’s been causing the problem, but you notice yourself focused on what you don’t want rather than what you do want.

How to move on: Get clear on what it is you’re creating. If you can’t let go of anything you’re averse to and try to figure out what your true desires are. If you need to get support to start coming up with some ways you could create what you want.

Stage 4: Proposing to Practice

The final stage is when you stop proposing dreams, visions, and ideas and you start taking action in alignment with what you want.

You don’t just talk about doing it tomorrow, you start doing it today. You are willing to do it imperfectly. You are willing to gesture towards what you want to do. You start doing it (whatever it is) because you know nothing changes by thinking about it. Things only change when we’re in action, when we live into our commitments one awkward step at a time.

How to know if you’re here: If you’ve come up with lots of possible solutions, but you’re not implementing them or you do implement them but as soon as you hit a bump in the road you backtrack. You find yourself looking for new tools and techniques in the hopes that by acquiring some sort of new knowledge you’ll be able to overcome the problem.

How to move on: Get into action! Find an accountability buddy or hire a coach to keep you accountable. Think of all of your actions like an experiment, your #1 goal is to try things so you can learn what does and doesn’t work. Try to respond to failure with the phrase, “How fascinating!” instead of “I suck”. Finally, keep going until you find a way through, this phase is all about persistence, persistence, persistence.

These 4 stages are what I’ve seen myself and others go through again and again. Sometimes people jump a stage, sometimes they fall back, but no matter where you are, learning how to see what you’re missing, face what you’re avoiding, focus on what you’re desiring, and practice what you’re creating can help you achieve way more than you could ever possibly imagine.

Go forth and get to work!

July 2, 2015 by Toku on Skillset

Build A Future You Can Be Proud Of

You always say you want to change your habits, get more leads, write a blog, create a lovely home, and have better relationships. But you struggle to make these things happen.

Then you look around and try to figure out why it isn’t happening. You think, “Maybe I just don’t have the right information.” So you go off and read another book.

You think, “Maybe, I’m just not motivated enough.” So you listen to Tony Robbins to pump yourself up.

You think, “Maybe, I’m just too busy.” So you tell yourself that you’ll get started when things slow down (which they never do).

“Maybe,” you think to yourself, “Maybe…”

The capital T – TRUTH
The only thing that’s standing between you and change is consistency.

You can make all the excuses you want, you can look for better information, or you can try to find a hack, but nothing – and I mean nothing – will help you be more successful in life and love than putting in the unglamorous and consistent effort.

It’s less about the one big day you make it and way more about all the little days you wake up and do the work, even if you don’t think you’re making any progress.

Stop looking for shortcuts. Stop making excuses. Instead decide that tomorrow you’re going to wake up and get to work. You’ll be amazed at how much progress you’ll make.

October 21, 2014 by Toku on Mindset

Sometimes You Fight Slug Monsters

Why I didn’t post a blog today:

An Essay By Toku The Martyr of The Slug Monster War

Somedays everything comes easy. You sit down at your computer to work and it’s like magic. The words flow, the ideas congeal, and you become a veritable ass kicker of clear and succinct prose.

And then there are the other days where you stub your toe, you space the super important phone call, and writing or working feels like an epic struggle against gargantuan slug monsters that latch themselves to your brain and extract every decent idea you have while they slowly drip self doubt and hopelessness directly into your blood stream.

For me today was one of those days.

But that’s ok.

The key to being happy and mindful is knowing that these days happen.

And that even though the slug monsters won today, tomorrow is another day and another chance to fight the evil hordes of doubt and unclarity, and more likely than not emerge victorious.

Please remember we all have bad days.
Sometimes it’s just your turn.

Photos

April 23, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

Have You Made The One Choice That Changes Everything?

One Choice
There is one choice that can change everything about you.

It’s not choosing positive thinking, or a new workout regime. It’s not choosing which job to take or whom to date. These are all important choices but this choice is bigger.

It can change all of those things and more. It’s a revolutionary choice. It’s a dynamic choice; a choice that sets you apart from the crowd; a choice that stands at the center of your life.

The problem is it’s not an easy choice. It takes sacrifice, but it’s worth it. It’s worth almost anything you give up, because this choice is the first step to lasting transformation.

This amazing, rare, and hard choice is the choice to take responsibility for your life. You may think you’ve already done this. But lets look at what this choice is and what it isn’t.

Taking Responsibility Is Not About:

Blaming Yourself
Taking responsibility means empowering yourself. Whereas blaming yourself, means becoming a victim.

Responsibility isn’t about being perfect. It’s about accepting our imperfection and taking a step towards a whole way of being.

When you blame yourself, you become your faults. When you take responsibility, you become your potential for change.

Taking Control
Much of what happens is out of our control. It’s hard to accept but it’s true. And taking responsibility isn’t about trying to change that.

When we take responsibility, we just shift focus. We let got of the uncontrollable. And instead work to guide our own hearts and minds.

When we focus on our own growth, we find that the uncontrollable doesn’t change. But our relationship to it does.

Taking Responsibility for Others
No matter how hard we try, we can’t change anyone else. Taking responsibility isn’t about changing other people.

It’s about owning our own path. When we live our lives in integrity and faith, we give others the chance to do the same.

Taking Responsibility for the World
The world can be a crazy place. It’s worthwhile to have compassion, but we have to realize we aren’t responsible for the world’s problem.

We are only responsible for our inner peace or inner chaos. Wanting to change the world is wonderful. But before we can change the world, we must change ourselves.

Taking Responsibility Is About:

Owning Your Words
The first step to taking responsibility is owning what you say. Too often, we use language that blames others and disempowers ourselves.

Instead of saying, “I have to,” say “I choose to.” Everything we do is a choice. We may not like the other options and some choices are hard, but denying responsibility won’t help.

Instead of saying, “They made me,” say, “When they did x I chose to do y.” Reactivity happens, but if we want to be skillful, we have to own our reactions.

When we own what we say we start to see where we can make a change.

Owning Your Actions
Once you start owning what you say, you’ll find you almost have to own what you do. Our lives are made of everything we choose to do and not do.

By taking responsibility for our actions, we gain integrity. We also begin to gain insight into why we act the way we do. In this way, taking responsibility for our actions becomes the foundation for changing our lives.

Owning Your Thoughts
It all starts with your thoughts. If you don’t think it, you don’t do it. You can’t always choose what thoughts arise, but you can choose which ones to indulge.

Ask yourself, “Is this a helpful thought?” If it is, go for it. If it’s not, don’t put any more energy into it.

At first, this will seem impossible, but with practice, you can learn to let go of unhealthy thoughts and generate supportive ones.

Creating a Foundation for Respect
Once you start owning your words, actions, and thoughts something changes. You begin to respect yourself in a new way.

When you respect yourself, others will respect you as well. The best part is this respect isn’t based on power. It’s based on having a good heart and integrity.

This kind of respect can’t be manufactured. It has to be grown organically from a strong center of responsibility.

Making Transformation Possible
When we take responsibility, we begin to see who we are. Once we know this, we can choose who we want to be.

By taking responsibility of who we are, our light is able to shine through. Excuses, blaming, and complaining only hide that true light.

Don’t indulge them. Choose to shine.

January 14, 2013 by Toku on Mindset

Be A Bad Student.

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Be A Bad Student.

I was a bad student.
I regularly got kicked out of class for talking back. I got sent to the vice principal’s office. I almost had to repeat fourth grade. In high school I failed geography and German.

Mix and Match
All my life, I’ve been a mix of a good student and a bad student. In some classes I was attentive, creative, focused, and in love with the subject. In other classes I was bored, distracted, and didn’t respect my teachers.

My math classes were like this. In other subjects I was in honors classes. With math I was in the regular classes. I lacked a natural aptitude for math, but I did ok. Until my senior year …

Things Change
In my senior year I had an amazing math teacher, Mr. Stelmaszak. He was different than other math teachers. He was like a cross between Rain Man and Kramer.

Mr. Stelmaszak was excited about math. And he wanted us to be excited too. Amazingly, he helped me enjoy doing math.

So I studied hard, really hard. And that semester, I was awarded ‘most outstanding trigonometry student.’

It wasn’t because I was great at doing the homework. It was because I fell in love with the subject. Even better, I learned more than just trig that semester.

I learned to be flexiblie. I learned I could find joy in the strangest places. Best of all, I learned about myself.

Unnatural Success
Being a bad student and slow learner can be one of the best gifts to receive. It forces us to learn, to overcome, to adapt, and to grow.

I see this in my friends and clients alike. The people who make the biggest gains are the ones who aren’t naturally good.
When we are bad students we must be a better student of ourselves. As the Dalai Lama says, “Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”

Stumble
Being a natural is fine, but stumbling is even better. When we stumble, we see our blind spots.

If you aren’t naturally good at something you have to work harder. You have to stretch to get better. It’s the stretching that makes deep transformation happen.

Speak Up
How have your struggles helped you grow?

What mistakes helped you become who you are today?

Please comment below and let me know.

MindFitMove Practice
Imagine you have a good friend who is struggling to maintain a fitness or eating practice.
Then think about everything you have learned on your own journey of transformation.
What are 3 things you could tell your friend to encourage, inspire, and motivate them?
Write a letter to this imaginary friend.
Start with “Dear, Friend I know you want to quit, but …”
Next take and put the letter in an envelope.
Put it aside.
Next time you are having a hard time take it out and read it.
We are always our own best teachers.

December 22, 2012 by Toku on Mindset

The Most Important Factor – The Arrow

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I wrote a post a couple weeks ago on how to embody the classical spiritual triptych of the archer, the arrow, and the target. The idea arose out of a Yoga class where the teacher talked about how we are each: an archer, aiming for what we want to become; an arrow, the thing that is moving towards the target; and the target, that which we are aiming at becoming. This post will focus embodying the arrow; the self that is dynamically moving towards our goal.

Let Go

The most important thing about embodying an arrow is to let go of planning. Often the fitness industry sells the idea of a great plan that will get you ‘there’ faster, easier, and for less money. Picking the right plan is important to prevent injury, to develop in a balanced way, and to maximize your efforts, but it’s not the most important factor.

The Arrow

An arrow flows with what is around it, It dips and weaves with the air, having a conversation with it’s environment. As you work towards any goal you must be willing to embody the flexibility the arrow demonstrates.

When we are the archer we see the line to the target as straight line. If we are an excellent archer we take into account things like wind and terrain when we shoot. But as soon as the arrow is loosed, it becomes the object of response and adaptation.

If we resist this subtle flow and adaptation and try to fly in a mathematically straight line we will have a much harder time hitting our target. It is essential when being the act of transformation that we let go of how we thought things would be. Instead we must embrace what is.

Practice

How can you embody the arrow this week and let go of some expectations? What if you were to relax into whatever activity you are engaged in? Take some time this week and try being the arrow of change and see how it changes your attitude towards your exercise or fitness practice.

Transformation is the practice of people who transform their lives. I have met many people in my life who have transformed their lives and they all have in common is they are still transforming their lives. They never stop. If the arrow stops moving, it ceases to be an arrow. Make sure that in moving forward you don’t forget to flow with everything else as well.

November 18, 2012 by Toku on Skillset

What Are 3 Aspects of Being A Great Student?

So I haven’t posted in a few days 14 to be exact and I am working on a response to a great question asked of me, but it won’t be ready today so instead I give to you, one answer from my Yoga School application. I know it’s kind of cheating, but I think it was illuminating for me to read what I wrote here and I hope that it helps you as well. I think it applies to almost any situation we find ourselves in that asks us to be a student.

What are 3 aspects of being a student of yoga that are important, and why?

1. It’s important to watch the mind that grasps for achievement – The western mind can be, by virtue of the society in which it was raised, a bit competitive. I know that I have had the competition bug in me and that it can come out no matter what I do. This can happen in yoga just as much as anything else. I want to have perfect form, I want to be more flexible than others, etc. etc. There is nothing wrong with wanting to study and practice with skill, because without any determination I would drop any practice as soon as it got hard. What I have found is that I must expect to lose myself in the effort, rather than gain a new sense of self through it.

2. It is important to let go of preferences – I think this is true in all aspects of life, but especially when being a student. Each of us can get a certain idea in their head, about how things should happen. The mind believes that if it can think about something enough and set up a model it will prevent suffering and death. In truth these ideas are what lead to suffering in the first place. I know that when I set my preferences and opinions aside and become open to what is happening, that I learn more about myself and any practice I engage in. Holding my preferences lightly and also respecting my own boundaries allows me to stay in the realm of learning with my whole heart. This is a practice I engage in at all times, but I think is essential to keep in mind when studying yoga.

3. Remembering to be present in the body – Meditation, zazen, yoga and many other similar practices are often thought to practices of the mind, but they are practices primarily of the body, or more correctly the mind body. I have a tendency, born of my study of western philosophy, to think of the mind and body as separate. I often tend towards the superiority of the mind over the body, a sort of mind over matter attitude. This way of thinking is not right view. The mind and the body are not two things. To hold the mind and the body upright are holding one thing together. I think I always have to remind myself to be present in the body rather than to try to think my way through something.

November 4, 2012 by Toku on Mindset

The art of not caring too much.

My United States of Whatever

So it happens to all of us. Work gets crazy busy, we don’t have enough time to exercise, we can’t see our friends, and things just won’t stop.

Stress can make any of us lose it a little bit and the long term health consequences are real. Stress causes all sorts of chronic illness and leads us to engage in unhealthy habits like overeating, drinking, and using drugs.

Hectic times can’t be avoided, but there are some. Here is one practice that is vital if you want to navigate these waters with as little stress as possible.

Preferences

Hold your preferences and opinions lightly: Ok, so this is one of the toughest practices to develop as a habit, but it’s probably one of the most transformational.

Everyone, and I mean everyone has some perspective on everything that gets done. Even if that perspective is ‘I don’t care.’ Very often people think there way is the best way.

Usually there are several good ways to do something, but we start to identify with our way and then we get upset when things are done differently. Our way becomes us. An attack on our way, becomes an attack on us.

It’s Not All About You

Now the truth. Our way, maybe it’s the best, maybe not, but mostly it’s just one of many opinions in the universe. Also it’s probably not an especially important one.

Now an opinion on whether or not you should give birth to a child, or kill living beings, that is an important preference. Mostly though our preferences are for the way we put silverware in a dishwasher, or the proper way to put on a roll of TP.

I have learned to let go of many these types of preferences. They just don’t really matter that much in the long run and when they are challenged, I go, “You know this isn’t really worth getting upset about.”

It’s a relief to do it, because then I’m not holding up this big sense of self. I don’t have to lug around my silly ego manifested in 1000’s of little tiny preferences and opinions. Life becomes simpler, but I don’t lose my sense of power or self worth.

As Long As It Matter

When something really matters to me I speak up and I speak up loud. When this happens people listen, because I don’t speak up about just anything. When I speak up I know it’s important because I’ve let go of so many unimportant preferences go. Things that drove me up the wall and things I’ve fought about with ex-partners are no longer a big problem in my life.

So you may be wondering how to practice letting go of preferences. First, just notice when your preferences are coming up and pay attention to if they are really important or not. Next when something rubs you the wrong way learn to breath and let it go. Then repeat until you are getting really reactive then take a break. Finally, learn the difference between boundaries and preferences.

Boundaries

Boundaries keep you safe, but preferences keep you trapped in reactivity. While trying to let go of preferences notice those that make up your sense of integrity and well being. Part of the way you find you boundaries is by letting them get crossed. When I let go of preferences often I find that some preferences think are important, aren’t and some that I saw as silly, are actually important to me.

Experiment and don’t be afraid to talk to someone about getting reactive. It’s not the getting reactive that is the problem, it’s the stewing about it. Letting go of preferences isn’t the same as holding it all in. The key, as always, is paying close attention to the little tricks our mind plays.

Letting go of preferences and opinions is a hard practice, but now that I have done it for years I can stay calm and cool in many situations. People tell me that I’m such a calm person and I’m convinced the reason why is that I have learned to hold myself lightly.

MindFitPractice

Try letting go of preferences this week. Start with some silly ones and go from there. Put the silverware in the ‘wrong way,’ roll that TP from the underside, and mostly have fun with it. When we see how silly we have been all these years it’s less embarrassing, then hilarious.

Thanks for reading and Be Well
Gentoku

November 2, 2012 by Toku on Mindset

Why is it a good rule to not have rules?

Rules Don’t Rule the Heart

Sure sure I’ve heard it before RULES! RULES! RULES! THEY TOTALLY RULE! Except sometimes they sort of don’t. Rules are not a panacea ( panacea – n. A solution or remedy for all difficulties or diseases).

They can be helpful in some situations, but very often they can actually impede the very thing that can create change in your life, AWARENESS!!! (oooo ahhh).

I love rules and who doesn’t, they make life so simple. I just listen to this set of parameters my mind determines and everything will be fine. I mean that’s what makes human beings so great, it’s our ability to blindly follow a set of instructions without question.

Ok ok so you have you have probably picked up on my sarcasm at this point, but maybe not. I don’t really think that following rules are what makes us unique animals.

Bee’s and Ants are great because they follow set rules well and in some ways humans ability to follow rules has helped us, but what really make us unique is our ability to adapt and reflect.

Humans are unique in our ability to problem solve, but even more so we are unique in our ability to be aware of our awareness. We can reflect on whether or not we are being present in a situation and what our motivations are.

The key to adapting successfully is awareness, but all to often we rely on rules instead of awareness to guide us. So let take the same situation and see what happens when we use rules instead of awareness to guide us.

Sally has lost alot of weight in the past, but has put some of it back on. She works out regularly, but feels like she has lost her way out of fitness. She notices she has some cheese in her fridge. She knows that if she has cheese, she will eat it, so she throws it out. She decides no more cheese, but then another voice arises in her, perhaps one of not wasting food or maybe a voice that is comforted by cheese when she feels anxiety.

She reconsiders takes the cheese out of the garbage, but then the rule voice reemerges, “NO CHEESE!” it says. So back in the trash with cheese. She feels better, but is not quite sure what happened. She wishes she could be stronger, that she was just a normal person.

In this example, we can see all the forces at play for Sally, but she doesn’t necessarily notice them. She is aware of only one kind of hunger: “Mind Hunger.”

Mind hunger is hunger based on rules and regulations set up by our mind. All the facts and figures that you have in your head about how you eat, all the ideas you have about nutrition, and all the articles you have ever read about food are what make up mind hunger.

The problem with mind hunger and the rules that it makes up, is that they can either be followed or broken. It’s a very black and white world, but this world only works we are feeling good and strong.

In the example above, there are all these other hungers and voices that Sally may not see. There is heart hunger, her need to be comforted. There is mouth hunger, her love of the taste of things like cheese. There is also likely some inner critic, Sally’s internal voice that tells her she will fail. There is an inner coach that is telling her how to get in shape. All of these factors are hidden behind a wall of rules and morality.

Now let’s imagine what might happen if Sally was aware of all of her hungers and the voices that created this internal struggle over weight and cheese.

The situation is the same Sally has lost a lot of weight, but put some back on. She works out, but feels like she has let herself down in the fitness department. She notices a block of cheese in her fridge, she knows if she has cheese she will likely eat it, but she wants to get into shape. The urge to throw it out arises.

This time Sally notices the urge to throw it out and gets curious. Why does she want the throw out a perfectly good block of cheese? She notices that some voices are arising in her.

One voice (the inner critic) is telling her she doesn’t have the will power to have cheese and not eat it. Another voice (the inner coach) tells her she better get with the program, which means throwing out the cheese, getting on a stricter work out schedule, etc. etc.

She notices these voices and first acknowledges that some of the things they are saying really hurt. She is feeling sad and scared that she won’t get her weight down to what she wants. Next she wonders if the voices are telling her the truth.

Does she have no will power? No that’s not true, she works out, she writes a blog, she has run long races before; so she must have will power.

She may be more likely to eat cheese if she has it in her house, but overall she doesn’t have a problem with will power. She can observe that she has a need for competency when it come to healthy eating habits, but she doesn’t judge herself for not always making the best choices.

Sally wonders, Is the inner coach voice helpful? Well it does seem to be motivating her to make healthier choices, but it’s technique is ignoring all of the complex needs that are coming up for her. It only see’s a world where there are rules and she better follow them or else. She sees this voice can be helpful, but if she listens to it, without considering her needs, she will likely burn out and not be able to sustain a life-long transformation.

Next she notices that when she is feeling stressed out or anxious about herself and her body she starts to feel empty inside. When she eats the cheese she is comforted by the flavor and how good it tastes. It feeds her heart hunger.

She realizes that though she may throw the cheese out, she won’t feel any better if she doesn’t also find a way to feed that empty part of herself that is comforted by eating yummy cheese.

She also notices she eats cheese as a reward. She needs to do something to celebrate her successes. Again she notes that she can throw the cheese out, but that she needs to find some other way to reward herself for a job good done. She brainstorms other healthier ways to reward herself.

Finally she notices that she loves the crap out of cheese. She can throw the cheese out, but she can’t throw her love of cheese out. Cheese satisfies her mouth hunger so much.

She realizes that she doesn’t want to stop eating cheese, but maybe she can just eat it less often. When she does buy it, maybe she just buys a bit less.

After all this reflection, Sally feels better, she may not understand everything that’s going on with her, but she has a much better idea. Sally acknowledges that these parts of her need to be honored, but that she does want to make healthier choices.

She decides to throw the cheese out to support her desire to be fit, but does so with the awareness that it’s just cheese she is throwing out, not all the things the get fed by eating cheese.

We can see in the second example how much more Sally was able to observe, by looking into all the motivations that lead to her inner conflict over the cheese. In the first example she wants cheese, but she is weak, so she must throw it out.

In the second example she sees she is strong, but that she needs to find some more awareness to meet the needs she has arising. She wants to be in shape, but she wants to honor all the parts of her that need to be fed.

The key to transformation is awareness. Until we see a bit of the internal show of our mind we are doomed to repeat our karmic patterns again and again. The world of fitness talks A LOT about will power, will power, will power, but that only takes you so far. The truth is will power is just one part of your mind and you have to honor all the parts of your being if you want to become a new person.

It’s like the difference between repainting a house versus rebuilding it’s foundations. Will power can change how you look on the outside, but awareness changes how you think and feel on the inside in a deep and fundamental way.

Take some time this week to notice a unhealthy pattern you want to change. Reflect on the voices, feelings, needs, and motivations that arise in you. Write down what you notice and try to find a way to honor all the parts of yourself while making healthy choices.

You don’t have to notice as much as Sally in our example. Even just a little small bit of awareness can make a big difference in your ability to transform your life.

Thanks for Reading and Be Well
Gentoku

October 28, 2012 by Toku on Mindset

I wrote this on my IPhone

I had a conversation with a friend recently about whether or not she should purchase an IPhone. I listened as she justified and unjustified the purpose of the purchase. She listed reason pros and cons about having or not having one. This is a pattern I have noticed often in my self and others.

It’s funny that we do this. We decide we want something and then our mind goes into overdrive trying to figure out how to make sense of the desire. It comes up with reasons to agree with what we already want, in part to hide that really we just want it. Often we want it for simple reasons like peace, joy, and fun, but we feel we have to justify it.

When I reflect on what this mindset, I can see this little story and it goes: “I’m not that special I don’t deserve x,y,or z, unless I can justify why it might make me special or a least mitigate my unspecialness.
By not letting ourselves treat and reward ourselves we perpetuate the mindset of not being worthy.

This past year I wanted to buy a new fancy road bike, but felt I had to justify it. After listening to me go through this process, my good friend Lashelle told me , “It’s ok to just want something nice.” I realized she was right and it felt so liberating.

I did buy the bike and instead of feeling like I was buying it to fix something wrong with me, I felt like I was buying it to celebrate all the hard work I had done. Just a small shift in my perspective allowed me to let go of that negative self talk just a little bit.

Take some time this week to celebrate yourself. You don’t have to go out a buy something big or fancy, but take a few minutes to celebrate all the things you do to help other and yourself. In buddhism this is called reflecting on virtue.

Very often we don’t give ourselves enough credit. So give your self a pat on the back already.

Thanks for reading and be well,
Gentoku