Today I did something really scary. I met with a potential client and instead of selling them on my coaching services, I told them I didn’t think we were a good fit for each other.
Now this may not seem scary to you, but for me it’s a big deal. You see for a long time, I thought needed every potential client I met with. I needed them to pay rent, to pay for website hosting, to grow my business, and most of all to prove that I was successful.
So no matter who they were or what their problem was I would try my best to convince them that I had the skills they needed. Luckily in most cases, this was true. The great thing about mindfulness is that it’s helpful to so many people, in so many situations.
But through working with a lot of people I came to learn the kind of person, I could have a HUGE IMPACT on. And the kind of person who’d be better off working with another coach.
But even when I knew this, I was reluctant to turn down a potential client down because of fear. Basically I let my fear of not having enough overcome my instincts about who was a great client for me and who wasn’t.
But eventually I realized that this wouldn’t work. Because every time I said YES to a client who wasn’t a good fit, I was saying NO to another client I could help make huge changes in their lives. Every time I invested time and energy into the wrong client, I had a little bit less energy to give to my clients who really needed my attention.
And so I made a very hard and scary choice. I decided to stop saying YES to clients and opportunities that my inner wisdom told me weren’t right.
Saying No To Your Not Dreams
It’s easy to think that all we have to do to achieve our dreams is say YES to them. But I’ve come to see that being true to your heart also means saying NO to all the cool interesting things you know aren’t’ right. In fact the more successful and aligned with your purpose you are, the cooler things you will have to say no to from time to time.
The truth is that you can’t have it all, or maybe even more accurately you shouldn’t have it all. While our lives can unfold in untold ways, there are certain things that resonate with us more than others. And it’s our duty to discover what those things are and follow them. This isn’t about fate or divine determinism, it’s about coming to terms with what really matters to you, and letting everything else fall away.
Try It Yourself
But don’t take my word for it try it yourself. Take a few minutes and think about everything in your life you’ve said yes to, because it looked good on paper. Maybe they were good opportunities that other people said you couldn’t turn down. Or maybe they were little short cuts that helped you avoid facing the risk of following your path.
Then think about what it would be like if you could go back and free up all that time for doing what you truly love. Then think about all the things you are currently saying yes to that aren’t aligned with your deep purpose and aren’t creating authentic happiness in your life.
Now pick just one of those things and say NO! to it.
Say NO to the committee you don’t want to be on, say NO to the honorary position that you don’t enjoy doing, say NO to the meetup group that isn’t serving your needs, and say NO to the little commitments you’ve made that aren’t helping you follow your path.
Say NO, not because you are ungrateful, lazy, or unwise. Say NO because you trust yourself, your path, and the wisdom in your heart. Life is too short to ignore the wisdom inside of you.
One thought on “How To Say No To Your Not Dreams”
Thank you, Toku. This post was so meaningful to me.
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