This is part 2 of a 2 part post read post one here
In my last post I talked about boundaries and why I decided to block my ex on Facebook. What happened was that she posted a new photo and I got spun out. I asked myself why was I doing this to myself?
And I ended up wondering why I didn’t trust my ex to handle me choosing to block her.
So now for part 2 . . .
Why didn’t I trust her?
Sure there were moments where I thought she wasn’t fair to me. Sure, I worry about how she’ll paint our relationship when she talks about it, but generally, I experienced her as a kind and loving person.
She cherished me and let me go. I wanted to cherish her and let her go as well.
I realized that if I trusted her to take care of herself and to feel the love I had as I set my boundaries, there really wasn’t anything to be scared of. I could block her on Facebook, and she would figure out I did it because I loved her and myself. Because I trusted her to be at peace with my choice and what was right with me.
And this is the 2nd lesson I learned about boundaries:
LESSON #2 – YOU DON’T JUST SET BOUNDARIES WHEN YOU DON’T TRUST SOMEONE ELSE. YOU SET BOUNDARIES WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO TRUST SOMEONE FULLY, IMPLICITLY, AND WITH LOVE
When you trust someone, to take care of themselves, to be with your no, to find peace inside themselves, to be complete, to love you, setting boundaries is easy. For most of my life, I didn’t’ set boundaries because I was afraid I’d be rejected and abandoned.
I thought the fewer boundaries, the better. And when I did set boundaries, they often had a flavor of anger, push back, or spite. But this process has slowly taught me that offering a boundary to someone you care about, perhaps even without explanation, is one of the most powerful gestures of trust you can offer.
In truth, I have no idea how my former partner will take me blocking her. It’s at least 6 months before we can connect again. She may have or be thinking all of the things I was scared of. She may not even notice I blocked her at all.
But the choice felt right to me.
I want to get back to where I can be truly happy for her. Where I can see her radiant on Facebook and be so grateful she shared that radiance with me. Where I can see her with someone else and know that she’s created new love in part from the lessons of love we learned from one another.
I know my next partner will have a lot to thank her for.
And I know that blocking her now. Allowing that little jolt to fade, giving myself the space to be alone, to find joy in solitude and singleness, will help me get there.
I trust her. To walk her own path. And to find a way to honor the path we walked together. And I trust myself. To set boundaries and discover what those boundaries are here to teach me.
My wish for you as you read this is that you find a way to practice with your own sacred boundaries. To offer them as a gift to those you love, even when they don’t totally understand, even when you don’t ‘think you need them.’
The practice of boundaries can be like this, not aggressive or aversive, but loving and kind in so many ways.