For most of my twenties stuff just happened to me. I got fired from my sweet touring job because the drummer was an asshole. My girlfriend broke up with me because some guy snaked her out from under me. My car broke down because some asshole wanted me to drive on a bumpy road with […]
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I’ve been thinking a lot about the choice to let go of something. Hope, people I care about, how I want things to be… SOMETIMES LETTING GO SEEMS EASY I recently took Facebook off of my phone and Ipad. I rarely go on to check it, just to post and share. This didn’t feel that […]
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Recently I turned 40 and I was thinking a lot about my life and everything I experienced. And while I share a lot about myself online there are still many things people don’t know about me. So to commemorate my birthday I’m going to share 40 things you may not know about me. I hope […]
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For most of high school, I thought many of my teachers were idiots. I didn’t think they were bad at teaching, it’s just that I thought many of the assignments they gave us were pointless: rote memorization, filling out worksheets, papers on inconsequential topics, etc. My life was filled with pointless stupid assignments I was […]
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Last year I got a clear message from God, or the universe, or whatever you want to call it, that I needed to do a 9-month dating diet. And so that’s what I did. For 9 months I didn’t engage with women romantically. Not only that, I even paused some friendships where the energy was […]
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In some ways, leadership is incredibly simple. Leadership is about guiding the future by using the tools of your past. You decide what matters from a place deeper than your ego. Figure out how to make an impact on it. Use your wits, experience, and relationships to make that impact in a sensible and sustainable […]
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No one signs their name anymore. Not really. We make a half-assed squiggle with our finger on a digital screen. We scribble our name on documents, the letter collapsing and falling over. I’m the worst at this. Except when I went to vote by mail. Then my signature was pristine, perfect, and crisp. I wrote […]
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Many people think about leadership as a process or a method. If I input X then I can get my team to give me Y. And that might be true if the people you were leading were simply robots; easy to program and decode. But the nature of leadership is that it’s messy humans leading […]
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Anti-vaccination posts. Anti-mask posts. Posts about Bill Gates being a Lizard King Posts that spread racist or sexist ideas You see them all the time. You don’t agree with them. But what do you do about them? This question comes up for me all the time. And each time I’m torn. On the one hand, […]
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With no office to go into and our dining room table serving triple duty, the concept of work-life balance may seem more elusive than ever. Sure we’ve got child care to deal with and reports to finish. So we squeeze ten minutes of virtual yoga in a week, order take out to give ourselves a […]
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For 9 months I abstained from romantic relationships. It’s a choice I made after stepping out of my longest romantic relationship (over 3 years) and my most committed (we were engaged). Our relationship in many ways had been a fairytale. I first saw her across a dance floor and was drawn to her immediately. We […]
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For a lot of my life, I was devoted to things that I couldn’t help but pay attention to. After college, I dated a girl who wasn’t a good fit for me. My roommates at the time took us canoeing and we fought the entire time. Years later they told me they could always tell […]
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This article contains affiliate links which means I may make a small commission if you use the link to purchase. This morning I woke up and found myself lying in bed scrolling through Instagram. I’m not supposed to do that. I’m a powerful coach, a deep spiritual practitioner, a human being on purpose, but that’s […]
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I talk to a lot of people who long to be free. They want to express themselves, travel the world, live in the moment, go with the flow, and experience life as a boundless possibility. I get the desire for freedom because freedom seems to offer so much possibility. And a lot of other things […]
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I’ve worked with executives in a range of fields, from the entertainment industry to advertising. I’ve seen a lot of incredible successes, but I’ve also seen my fair share of spectacular failures. And what I’ve noticed is that failure brings out the best and worst in leaders. It’s when the blaming and complaining starts, but […]
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Mostly we look at customer service like we look at cleaning out our garage; it’s something we have to do. The mess piles up. People complain. We want our customers to be happy and yet we find them impossible to please and incredibly annoying at times. All of this happens because of the way complaints […]
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When I worked as a roadie I never made my bed in hotels. Sure I would pick up trash and try not to leave the room as a total disaster (something I wasn’t always effective at), but I never made my bed. After all, I thought, they’re just going to strip the sheets anyway. Then […]
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If you have a baby, it’s going to cry, and if you lead people, they are going to complain. This isn’t a diss on people. It’s not that people are whiny, but quite the opposite. Our capacity to deal with tremendous challenges and adversity is incredible, but we also complain. We complain because we’re not […]
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Each year at the monastery we did a retreat all about discovering your life’s purpose. It was a whole week of sitting in deep meditation, completing exercises about what our lives meant to us and asking ourselves why we were here on this earth. My last year at the monastery I decided I was really […]
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Your job as a leader is to help others to become leaders themselves. — In my experience as an executive coach working with leaders from all over the world, 90% of your on-the-ground leadership happens inside of conversations. You set goals, people go to work, and stuff goes wrong. Sometimes you correct a problem one […]
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I decided to write a poem and adapt it into a short Italian aria. (Which yes I will sing to you at the end of this post) The music comes from another aria about lost love. Because lost love has taught me a lot about sitting in tension. The Art of Sitting In Tension About […]
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It’s easy to go on an endless chase for likes and popularity, but more and more I keep returning to a fundamental question. Who am I as a writer? What do I want to say to the world? So I offer this mostly to myself and maybe for you to consider as well. How will […]
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As a coach, I’m good at helping people produce their best work. But that doesn’t always translate to me producing my own best work. Last week my marketing and writing assistant informed me that I’m entirely too hard on myself. That my writing is good, she enjoys reading it, and many other people do as […]
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Coaches are brilliant at making it seem like anything is possible and challenging your way of thinking, this makes them both highly skilled at helping you but also highly skilled at making promises they may not be able to keep. Despite that coaching is still one of the most effective and powerful ways to make […]
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Inspiring leaders are known for keeping a positive attitude in hard times. Winston Churchill inspired the british people with radio addresses and speeches during the worst parts of WWII. FDR encouraged a nation in tatters with his fireside chats during the great depression. How do they do it? How do leaders, in the face of […]
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As a coach, I’ve seen my clients ‘quit’ in a variety of ways. Some get outright mad and yell at me demanding their money back. Some just stop showing up with anything to talk about. Some have great insights in their sessions but then do nothing with them. All of these are forms of quitting. […]
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I’m an executive coach. That means people pay me an incredible amount of money just to talk with them. So much so that I once explained to a stranger that my business model was actually most similar to a phone sex operator. Why do they do this? Well I could give you a long list […]
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It’s a question I ask myself a lot. What do I owe? What can I do? I mean I’m just one white dude. I don’t run a huge company. I have so much on my plate, with clients, and deadlines, and deliverables, and culture. It’s too much already. So what do I owe BIPOC people? […]
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A couple months ago I got a call from my assistant. She wanted to quit. I sat there heart beating on the phone unsure of what to do. Within two weeks my entire team was gone, and in the end it was for the best. At the time I was scared, sad, and frustrated to […]
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I once… bought a same day ticket to New York to tell a woman I loved her and arrived with flowers in my hands. I once… left my whole life behind me to travel across the US and work as a ski instructor. I once… got the best job I had ever had, running a […]
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I’m almost 40, and by almost I mean I’ve passed my 39th half birthday by at least a little bit. Recently I’ve been wondering if I’m in the grips of a mid-life crisis. A theory, by the way, that I discovered doesn’t have much basis in science. But still. . . I’ve been wondering a […]
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You are adrift in a sea of uncertainty. But most of the time you don’t notice it. Like a fish in water, you don’t really understand the nature of it. But sometimes (more recently) you wake up to this uncertainty. You see how unclear the future is, how it’s hard to know what’s going to […]
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You are looking for something. Something to keep things interesting, something to keep things safe, a cook set for backpacking, a rack to keep your bathroom organized, a new recipe to try. But you’re looking for it. Googling, scanning your newsfeed, asking (for a friend), window shopping, reading reviews, looking at profiles, swiping. You don’t […]
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With so much going on out there, now is a time to be still. Take your coffee out in the morning, listen to the distant sound of traffic, and birds, and children. Sit at night, with the lights all turned off and see how many crickets you can hear. Be with people. Listen to the […]
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Some mornings you won’t feel like it. You won’t feel like writing, or exercising, or doing your meditation, or reaching out to clients. You won’t feel like loving your wife or husband or partner or kids. Some mornings it will all feel heavy and hard and you’ll wonder if you can just get by without […]
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Performance is a function of performance. We offer certain inputs, inside a certain environment, and we see what kind of outputs we get. The more we can control for the environment the more we can predict and modulate our inputs to get a certain output. The more chaotic or seemingly random the environment the more […]
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We tend to think about worth in relationship to what we do for people. Beyonce deserves to make a ton of money because of the singing and performing she does. I can charge a thousand dollars per hour because of the kind of coaching I do. A brilliant programmer deserves to make $100k+ a year […]
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I’d like to sit in bed and read poems to each other The poems fresh in how we share them Our own voices another form of poetry Poems reading poems I’d like to lay in the grass and stare up at the vast sky You huddling close to me under a blanket Stealing my warmth […]
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purreed tomatoes Carrot Some onions A little oil A little salt A very little sugar Slowly bubbling The noodles Clinging together The chicken Browning in butter and flour I turn the tv off I just listen Crackling fat Sizzling juices A wooden spoon Making a low rub Against a metal bottom Just a little sauce […]
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The past is mysterious Sometimes as mysterious as the future Hidden in it are old dreams creased with edges of folding dusty with old thoughts and the remnants of desire We know the future is blank like a clean white sheet yet we know it will be filled we fill it with new dreams Yet […]
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Whoever you’re currently being, this is the life that is the result of that way of being. Rich, poor, happy, sad, in love, alone, on purpose, on accident. The best predictor of tomorrow is not today but yesterday or last week. To change, to become someone else, to live a different life you have to […]
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The first thing many people do when they hear a tornado warning is they go outside. Even though they know it’s a bad idea, they just don’t fully understand the threat. They want to see it. Because seeing is believing. The coronavirus is no different. We can’t see it. We may not know anyone personally […]
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Happiness exists on the edge of despair things held just so balanced on what is happening now the fullness of the heart the depth of the mind I find from time to time myself balanced there being so content in my tiny house in my simple life While also wanting company while also wanting success […]
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The feelings are the same That first kiss climbing the last few rocks and being struck by the view saying just the right thing on a coaching call Remembering the old love feeling your sore knees fear that your business will fall apart The feelings are the same there are subtle differences of course changes […]
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Today I’m halfway through my vision quest and so, I offer you this poem. 136 days have past 136 days to go To look back is to lose my breath The grief, shaking on the floor, crying, wishing I could crawl out of my skin The longing, deep and powerful and relentless But also the […]
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Recently as part of my no woman vision quest. I’ve been going on dates where I prepare for the date and then go sit in the parking lot of the restaurant, coffee shop, or overlook and wait for an hour. It’s an act of ritual waiting. THIS IS THE PRAYER I OFFERED FOR MY LAST […]
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For the most part in my life, I’m incredibly privileged. I am a white man who lives in a world that favors and benefits white men. There is perhaps only one area where I feel a sense of injustice or unfairness about some aspect of my identity and that’s around my height. But before I […]
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When I was in college a woman of color told me that white guilt helps no one. That feeling SUPER guilty about being racist or living in a racist society meant little. And I got it. Guilt sort of offers me a hall pass to racism. I can feel really guilty and then go on […]
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What I’m Creating (So I remember) Love for myself – Even when I’m alone – Maybe even especially when I’m alone – Even for the parts of me I’d rather not see or know or share about – Maybe even especially for those parts Depth of Practice – Standing inside my practice fully and completely […]
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Dear Son/Daughter, I write you this letter many years before your birth. Though I have no idea really if you’ll ever be born. I have yet to know who your mother is or where life will lead, but I wanted to write to you either way. What I am about to tell you may be […]
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