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Latest Posts

Stop Being A Simple Leader

In some ways, leadership is incredibly simple. Leadership is about guiding the future by using the tools of your past. You decide what matters from a place deeper than your ego. Figure out how to make an impact on it. Use your wits, experience, and relationships to make that impact in a sensible and sustainable […]
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Your Life Is Art

No one signs their name anymore. Not really. We make a half-assed squiggle with our finger on a digital screen. We scribble our name on documents, the letter collapsing and falling over. I’m the worst at this. Except when I went to vote by mail. Then my signature was pristine, perfect, and crisp. I wrote […]
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The Art of Leadership

Many people think about leadership as a process or a method. If I input X then I can get my team to give me Y. And that might be true if the people you were leading were simply robots; easy to program and decode. But the nature of leadership is that it’s messy humans leading […]
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How I Reply To Social Media Posts I Don’t Agree With

Anti-vaccination posts. Anti-mask posts. Posts about Bill Gates being a Lizard King Posts that spread racist or sexist ideas You see them all the time. You don’t agree with them. But what do you do about them? This question comes up for me all the time. And each time I’m torn. On the one hand, […]
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3 Questions To Achieve Balance

With no office to go into and our dining room table serving triple duty, the concept of work-life balance may seem more elusive than ever. Sure we’ve got child care to deal with and reports to finish. So we squeeze ten minutes of virtual yoga in a week, order take out to give ourselves a […]
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Is Your Love Life At Risk? Learn The 3 Reasons Your Relationship Isn’t In A Rhythm

For 9 months I abstained from romantic relationships. It’s a choice I made after stepping out of my longest romantic relationship (over 3 years) and my most committed (we were engaged). Our relationship in many ways had been a fairytale. I first saw her across a dance floor and was drawn to her immediately. We […]
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Devotion vs. Obsession

For a lot of my life, I was devoted to things that I couldn’t help but pay attention to. After college, I dated a girl who wasn’t a good fit for me. My roommates at the time took us canoeing and we fought the entire time. Years later they told me they could always tell […]
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What To Do When You Don’t Feel Like Doing Anything

This article contains affiliate links which means I may make a small commission if you use the link to purchase. This morning I woke up and found myself lying in bed scrolling through Instagram. I’m not supposed to do that. I’m a powerful coach, a deep spiritual practitioner, a human being on purpose, but that’s […]
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You Are Wrong About Freedom

I talk to a lot of people who long to be free. They want to express themselves, travel the world, live in the moment, go with the flow, and experience life as a boundless possibility. I get the desire for freedom because freedom seems to offer so much possibility. And a lot of other things […]
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How To Lead When Things Fail?

I’ve worked with executives in a range of fields, from the entertainment industry to advertising. I’ve seen a lot of incredible successes, but I’ve also seen my fair share of spectacular failures. And what I’ve noticed is that failure brings out the best and worst in leaders. It’s when the blaming and complaining starts, but […]
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My Simple Cheat Sheet to Customer Service

Mostly we look at customer service like we look at cleaning out our garage; it’s something we have to do. The mess piles up. People complain. We want our customers to be happy and yet we find them impossible to please and incredibly annoying at times. All of this happens because of the way complaints […]
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Why I Make My Bed in Hotel Rooms Now

When I worked as a roadie I never made my bed in hotels. Sure I would pick up trash and try not to leave the room as a total disaster (something I wasn’t always effective at), but I never made my bed. After all, I thought, they’re just going to strip the sheets anyway. Then […]
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Be With Complaints Like Rain

If you have a baby, it’s going to cry, and if you lead people, they are going to complain. This isn’t a diss on people. It’s not that people are whiny, but quite the opposite. Our capacity to deal with tremendous challenges and adversity is incredible, but we also complain. We complain because we’re not […]
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How To Discover Your Life Purpose In 3 Easy Steps

Each year at the monastery we did a retreat all about discovering your life’s purpose. It was a whole week of sitting in deep meditation, completing exercises about what our lives meant to us and asking ourselves why we were here on this earth. My last year at the monastery I decided I was really […]
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Stop Endlessly Coaching Your Team

Your job as a leader is to help others to become leaders themselves. — In my experience as an executive coach working with leaders from all over the world, 90% of your on-the-ground leadership happens inside of conversations. You set goals, people go to work, and stuff goes wrong. Sometimes you correct a problem one […]
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Can You Sing About Sales in Italian?

I decided to write a poem and adapt it into a short Italian aria. (Which yes I will sing to you at the end of this post) The music comes from another aria about lost love. Because lost love has taught me a lot about sitting in tension. The Art of Sitting In Tension About […]
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7 Questions for Every Writer

It’s easy to go on an endless chase for likes and popularity, but more and more I keep returning to a fundamental question. Who am I as a writer? What do I want to say to the world? So I offer this mostly to myself and maybe for you to consider as well. How will […]
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Using Feedback to Improve Writing

As a coach, I’m good at helping people produce their best work. But that doesn’t always translate to me producing my own best work. Last week my marketing and writing assistant informed me that I’m entirely too hard on myself. That my writing is good, she enjoys reading it, and many other people do as […]
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The 5 Minute Guide to Choosing a Coach

Coaches are brilliant at making it seem like anything is possible and challenging your way of thinking, this makes them both highly skilled at helping you but also highly skilled at making promises they may not be able to keep. Despite that coaching is still one of the most effective and powerful ways to make […]
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How to Stay Optimistic During Hard Times

Inspiring leaders are known for keeping a positive attitude in hard times. Winston Churchill inspired the british people with radio addresses and speeches during the worst parts of WWII. FDR encouraged a nation in tatters with his fireside chats during the great depression. How do they do it? How do leaders, in the face of […]
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The Many Faces of Burnout

As a coach, I’ve seen my clients ‘quit’ in a variety of ways. Some get outright mad and yell at me demanding their money back. Some just stop showing up with anything to talk about. Some have great insights in their sessions but then do nothing with them. All of these are forms of quitting. […]
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You Don’t Have to Listen to Your Coach

I’m an executive coach. That means people pay me an incredible amount of money just to talk with them. So much so that I once explained to a stranger that my business model was actually most similar to a phone sex operator. Why do they do this? Well I could give you a long list […]
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What Do White People Owe BIPOC?

It’s a question I ask myself a lot. What do I owe? What can I do? I mean I’m just one white dude. I don’t run a huge company. I have so much on my plate, with clients, and deadlines, and deliverables, and culture. It’s too much already. So what do I owe BIPOC people? […]
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4 Things to Remember When You Have to Adapt

A couple months ago I got a call from my assistant. She wanted to quit. I sat there heart beating on the phone unsure of what to do. Within two weeks my entire team was gone, and in the end it was for the best. At the time I was scared, sad, and frustrated to […]
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I Once

I once… bought a same day ticket to New York to tell a woman I loved her and arrived with flowers in my hands. I once… left my whole life behind me to travel across the US and work as a ski instructor. I once… got the best job I had ever had, running a […]
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Waiting For Yourself

I’m almost 40, and by almost I mean I’ve passed my 39th half birthday by at least a little bit. Recently I’ve been wondering if I’m in the grips of a mid-life crisis. A theory, by the way, that I discovered doesn’t have much basis in science. But still. . . I’ve been wondering a […]
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Being with Uncertainty

You are adrift in a sea of uncertainty. But most of the time you don’t notice it. Like a fish in water, you don’t really understand the nature of it. But sometimes (more recently) you wake up to this uncertainty. You see how unclear the future is, how it’s hard to know what’s going to […]
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Looking

You are looking for something. Something to keep things interesting, something to keep things safe, a cook set for backpacking, a rack to keep your bathroom organized, a new recipe to try. But you’re looking for it. Googling, scanning your newsfeed, asking (for a friend), window shopping, reading reviews, looking at profiles, swiping. You don’t […]
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Be Still

With so much going on out there, now is a time to be still. Take your coffee out in the morning, listen to the distant sound of traffic, and birds, and children. Sit at night, with the lights all turned off and see how many crickets you can hear. Be with people. Listen to the […]
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I Don’t Feel Like It

Some mornings you won’t feel like it. You won’t feel like writing, or exercising, or doing your meditation, or reaching out to clients. You won’t feel like loving your wife or husband or partner or kids. Some mornings it will all feel heavy and hard and you’ll wonder if you can just get by without […]
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Performance vs Morality

Performance is a function of performance. We offer certain inputs, inside a certain environment, and we see what kind of outputs we get. The more we can control for the environment the more we can predict and modulate our inputs to get a certain output. The more chaotic or seemingly random the environment the more […]
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Your being is more valuable

We tend to think about worth in relationship to what we do for people. Beyonce deserves to make a ton of money because of the singing and performing she does. I can charge a thousand dollars per hour because of the kind of coaching I do. A brilliant programmer deserves to make $100k+ a year […]
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Wait Night Date Night # 10

I’d like to sit in bed and read poems to each other The poems fresh in how we share them Our own voices another form of poetry Poems reading poems I’d like to lay in the grass and stare up at the vast sky You huddling close to me under a blanket Stealing my warmth […]
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Cooking –

purreed tomatoes Carrot Some onions A little oil A little salt A very little sugar Slowly bubbling The noodles Clinging together The chicken Browning in butter and flour I turn the tv off I just listen Crackling fat Sizzling juices A wooden spoon Making a low rub Against a metal bottom Just a little sauce […]
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The Past

The past is mysterious Sometimes as mysterious as the future Hidden in it are old dreams creased with edges of folding dusty with old thoughts and the remnants of desire We know the future is blank like a clean white sheet yet we know it will be filled we fill it with new dreams Yet […]
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YOUR LIFE IS AN ECHO OF WHO YOU ARE

Whoever you’re currently being, this is the life that is the result of that way of being. Rich, poor, happy, sad, in love, alone, on purpose, on accident. The best predictor of tomorrow is not today but yesterday or last week. To change, to become someone else, to live a different life you have to […]
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YOU DON’T BELIEVE WHAT YOU CAN’T SEE

The first thing many people do when they hear a tornado warning is they go outside. Even though they know it’s a bad idea, they just don’t fully understand the threat. They want to see it. Because seeing is believing. The coronavirus is no different. We can’t see it. We may not know anyone personally […]
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The Edge of Happiness

Happiness exists on the edge of despair things held just so balanced on what is happening now the fullness of the heart the depth of the mind I find from time to time myself balanced there being so content in my tiny house in my simple life While also wanting company while also wanting success […]
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The feelings are the same

The feelings are the same That first kiss climbing the last few rocks and being struck by the view saying just the right thing on a coaching call Remembering the old love feeling your sore knees fear that your business will fall apart The feelings are the same there are subtle differences of course changes […]
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Half Way

Today I’m halfway through my vision quest and so, I offer you this poem. 136 days have past 136 days to go To look back is to lose my breath The grief, shaking on the floor, crying, wishing I could crawl out of my skin The longing, deep and powerful and relentless But also the […]
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A Prayer for Wait Night Date Night

Recently as part of my no woman vision quest. I’ve been going on dates where I prepare for the date and then go sit in the parking lot of the restaurant, coffee shop, or overlook and wait for an hour. It’s an act of ritual waiting. THIS IS THE PRAYER I OFFERED FOR MY LAST […]
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Being White and Being Short

For the most part in my life, I’m incredibly privileged. I am a white man who lives in a world that favors and benefits white men. There is perhaps only one area where I feel a sense of injustice or unfairness about some aspect of my identity and that’s around my height. But before I […]
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White Guilt vs White Responsibility

When I was in college a woman of color told me that white guilt helps no one. That feeling SUPER guilty about being racist or living in a racist society meant little. And I got it. Guilt sort of offers me a hall pass to racism. I can feel really guilty and then go on […]
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What I’m Creating (So I remember)

What I’m Creating (So I remember) Love for myself – Even when I’m alone – Maybe even especially when I’m alone – Even for the parts of me I’d rather not see or know or share about – Maybe even especially for those parts Depth of Practice – Standing inside my practice fully and completely […]
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Dear Son, You are a Racist

Dear Son/Daughter, I write you this letter many years before your birth. Though I have no idea really if you’ll ever be born. I have yet to know who your mother is or where life will lead, but I wanted to write to you either way. What I am about to tell you may be […]
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Power

Power crushes those without power It crushes them to death And when those without create their own power Power often finds a way to crush the rest Power is something that is bestowed Without reason, rhyme, or cause We hold it as closely as our skin And defend it with false entitlement and devotion to […]
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There’s a Fly In My “I”

I think there is an “I” that needs a partner. And this “I” would like to know who that partner is going to be. Because if that “I” knows who it’s going to be he can do something about it. He can dream about it and predict it and imagine what it will be like. […]
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Poetry Can’t Get You Clients

A few months ago I started writing poetry. In truth, I’ve been writing poetry all my life, in moments of contemplation, in moments of love, in moments of difficulty poetry, has always been something I’ve turned to. And yet as I began to write it I had a thought. Who’s going to hire me because […]
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Terms Of Life

Where are the terms And how do I come to them? My father may never know my children Then again I may never have them My mother may never know my wife Then again I may never marry Am I ready to die? This question As I stare at the wall Trying not to forget […]
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Loving Dead

We are already dead my love So let us live our lives together I’ll kiss your cold lips You’ll hold my still heart Our unborn children are already buried my love So let’s give birth to them And to their dead children as well Generations of corpses Around a Christmas tree Our days are already […]
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