Your job as a leader is to help others to become leaders themselves. — In my experience as an executive coach working with leaders from all over the world, 90% of your on-the-ground leadership happens inside of conversations. You set goals, people go to work, and stuff goes wrong. Sometimes you correct a problem one […]
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I decided to write a poem and adapt it into a short Italian aria. (Which yes I will sing to you at the end of this post) The music comes from another aria about lost love. Because lost love has taught me a lot about sitting in tension. The Art of Sitting In Tension About […]
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It’s easy to go on an endless chase for likes and popularity, but more and more I keep returning to a fundamental question. Who am I as a writer? What do I want to say to the world? So I offer this mostly to myself and maybe for you to consider as well. How will […]
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As a coach, I’m good at helping people produce their best work. But that doesn’t always translate to me producing my own best work. Last week my marketing and writing assistant informed me that I’m entirely too hard on myself. That my writing is good, she enjoys reading it, and many other people do as […]
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Coaches are brilliant at making it seem like anything is possible and challenging your way of thinking, this makes them both highly skilled at helping you but also highly skilled at making promises they may not be able to keep. Despite that coaching is still one of the most effective and powerful ways to make […]
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Inspiring leaders are known for keeping a positive attitude in hard times. Winston Churchill inspired the british people with radio addresses and speeches during the worst parts of WWII. FDR encouraged a nation in tatters with his fireside chats during the great depression. How do they do it? How do leaders, in the face of […]
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As a coach, I’ve seen my clients ‘quit’ in a variety of ways. Some get outright mad and yell at me demanding their money back. Some just stop showing up with anything to talk about. Some have great insights in their sessions but then do nothing with them. All of these are forms of quitting. […]
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I’m an executive coach. That means people pay me an incredible amount of money just to talk with them. So much so that I once explained to a stranger that my business model was actually most similar to a phone sex operator. Why do they do this? Well I could give you a long list […]
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It’s a question I ask myself a lot. What do I owe? What can I do? I mean I’m just one white dude. I don’t run a huge company. I have so much on my plate, with clients, and deadlines, and deliverables, and culture. It’s too much already. So what do I owe BIPOC people? […]
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A couple months ago I got a call from my assistant. She wanted to quit. I sat there heart beating on the phone unsure of what to do. Within two weeks my entire team was gone, and in the end it was for the best. At the time I was scared, sad, and frustrated to […]
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I once… bought a same day ticket to New York to tell a woman I loved her and arrived with flowers in my hands. I once… left my whole life behind me to travel across the US and work as a ski instructor. I once… got the best job I had ever had, running a […]
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I’m almost 40, and by almost I mean I’ve passed my 39th half birthday by at least a little bit. Recently I’ve been wondering if I’m in the grips of a mid-life crisis. A theory, by the way, that I discovered doesn’t have much basis in science. But still. . . I’ve been wondering a […]
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You are adrift in a sea of uncertainty. But most of the time you don’t notice it. Like a fish in water, you don’t really understand the nature of it. But sometimes (more recently) you wake up to this uncertainty. You see how unclear the future is, how it’s hard to know what’s going to […]
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You are looking for something. Something to keep things interesting, something to keep things safe, a cook set for backpacking, a rack to keep your bathroom organized, a new recipe to try. But you’re looking for it. Googling, scanning your newsfeed, asking (for a friend), window shopping, reading reviews, looking at profiles, swiping. You don’t […]
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With so much going on out there, now is a time to be still. Take your coffee out in the morning, listen to the distant sound of traffic, and birds, and children. Sit at night, with the lights all turned off and see how many crickets you can hear. Be with people. Listen to the […]
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Some mornings you won’t feel like it. You won’t feel like writing, or exercising, or doing your meditation, or reaching out to clients. You won’t feel like loving your wife or husband or partner or kids. Some mornings it will all feel heavy and hard and you’ll wonder if you can just get by without […]
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Performance is a function of performance. We offer certain inputs, inside a certain environment, and we see what kind of outputs we get. The more we can control for the environment the more we can predict and modulate our inputs to get a certain output. The more chaotic or seemingly random the environment the more […]
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We tend to think about worth in relationship to what we do for people. Beyonce deserves to make a ton of money because of the singing and performing she does. I can charge a thousand dollars per hour because of the kind of coaching I do. A brilliant programmer deserves to make $100k+ a year […]
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I’d like to sit in bed and read poems to each other The poems fresh in how we share them Our own voices another form of poetry Poems reading poems I’d like to lay in the grass and stare up at the vast sky You huddling close to me under a blanket Stealing my warmth […]
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purreed tomatoes Carrot Some onions A little oil A little salt A very little sugar Slowly bubbling The noodles Clinging together The chicken Browning in butter and flour I turn the tv off I just listen Crackling fat Sizzling juices A wooden spoon Making a low rub Against a metal bottom Just a little sauce […]
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The past is mysterious Sometimes as mysterious as the future Hidden in it are old dreams creased with edges of folding dusty with old thoughts and the remnants of desire We know the future is blank like a clean white sheet yet we know it will be filled we fill it with new dreams Yet […]
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Whoever you’re currently being, this is the life that is the result of that way of being. Rich, poor, happy, sad, in love, alone, on purpose, on accident. The best predictor of tomorrow is not today but yesterday or last week. To change, to become someone else, to live a different life you have to […]
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The first thing many people do when they hear a tornado warning is they go outside. Even though they know it’s a bad idea, they just don’t fully understand the threat. They want to see it. Because seeing is believing. The coronavirus is no different. We can’t see it. We may not know anyone personally […]
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Happiness exists on the edge of despair things held just so balanced on what is happening now the fullness of the heart the depth of the mind I find from time to time myself balanced there being so content in my tiny house in my simple life While also wanting company while also wanting success […]
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The feelings are the same That first kiss climbing the last few rocks and being struck by the view saying just the right thing on a coaching call Remembering the old love feeling your sore knees fear that your business will fall apart The feelings are the same there are subtle differences of course changes […]
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Today I’m halfway through my vision quest and so, I offer you this poem. 136 days have past 136 days to go To look back is to lose my breath The grief, shaking on the floor, crying, wishing I could crawl out of my skin The longing, deep and powerful and relentless But also the […]
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Recently as part of my no woman vision quest. I’ve been going on dates where I prepare for the date and then go sit in the parking lot of the restaurant, coffee shop, or overlook and wait for an hour. It’s an act of ritual waiting. THIS IS THE PRAYER I OFFERED FOR MY LAST […]
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For the most part in my life, I’m incredibly privileged. I am a white man who lives in a world that favors and benefits white men. There is perhaps only one area where I feel a sense of injustice or unfairness about some aspect of my identity and that’s around my height. But before I […]
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When I was in college a woman of color told me that white guilt helps no one. That feeling SUPER guilty about being racist or living in a racist society meant little. And I got it. Guilt sort of offers me a hall pass to racism. I can feel really guilty and then go on […]
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What I’m Creating (So I remember) Love for myself – Even when I’m alone – Maybe even especially when I’m alone – Even for the parts of me I’d rather not see or know or share about – Maybe even especially for those parts Depth of Practice – Standing inside my practice fully and completely […]
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Dear Son/Daughter, I write you this letter many years before your birth. Though I have no idea really if you’ll ever be born. I have yet to know who your mother is or where life will lead, but I wanted to write to you either way. What I am about to tell you may be […]
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Power crushes those without power It crushes them to death And when those without create their own power Power often finds a way to crush the rest Power is something that is bestowed Without reason, rhyme, or cause We hold it as closely as our skin And defend it with false entitlement and devotion to […]
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I think there is an “I” that needs a partner. And this “I” would like to know who that partner is going to be. Because if that “I” knows who it’s going to be he can do something about it. He can dream about it and predict it and imagine what it will be like. […]
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A few months ago I started writing poetry. In truth, I’ve been writing poetry all my life, in moments of contemplation, in moments of love, in moments of difficulty poetry, has always been something I’ve turned to. And yet as I began to write it I had a thought. Who’s going to hire me because […]
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Where are the terms And how do I come to them? My father may never know my children Then again I may never have them My mother may never know my wife Then again I may never marry Am I ready to die? This question As I stare at the wall Trying not to forget […]
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We are already dead my love So let us live our lives together I’ll kiss your cold lips You’ll hold my still heart Our unborn children are already buried my love So let’s give birth to them And to their dead children as well Generations of corpses Around a Christmas tree Our days are already […]
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I didn’t know it was missing. These stories about the people who became me. My great grandmother rang two chickens at a time One in each hand Another killed a chicken hawk at 50 yards with a colt 32 My grandfather left his farm on Kansas to go work in a mine In colorado There’s […]
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Talking With Death I sit down across from death we look at each other A small worm crawls through his empty white eye so what’s you’re deal? he shrugs at me everything dies. he says I mean you know and you make sure that happens? not really I mean there’s not much to do it’s […]
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I am an incredible man. But incredible men die all the time. Incredible men are forgotten. They live alone. They disappear without leaving a mark. Without creating their best art. They never have children. Or a great love. Or a stong book. There are more incredible men under the earth Then you can count. I […]
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I’m inventing a ritual. And I hope that in reading about how I’m doing it, you’ll become more open to inventing a ritual of your own. Wait Night Date Night This ritual I’m inventing is called Wait Night Date Night which is a practice I’m taking on as part of my No Woman Vision Quest. […]
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I’m fucked up. Inherently. But it’s ok because I’m going to fix it. It’s a project I’ve been working on. For hmmmmmm 39 years. Maybe not that long, but it certainly feels like it. And I’m looking for someone, someone I can save, while also working on this project. Someone who either Believes they’re hopelessly […]
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Recently I’ve been finding myself increasingly boring. Maybe it’s because I’ve been meditating more, or not dating, or letting go of my entanglements with women, or because of the quarantine. Or maybe it’s because I’ve actually pretty boring all along and I haven’t noticed it. So Adam Quiney and I decided to write dueling posts […]
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Today I want to offer a poem about surrender. It can be hard for those of us who run a business, who are on a mission to see the point in surrender. Mostly we live our lives practicing strategy and control and those two things have their place. No strategy, no direction, often no progress. […]
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This is part 2 of a 2 part post read post one here http://unexecutive.com/boundaries-love-blocked-ex-facebook-part-1 In my last post I talked about boundaries and why I decided to block my ex on Facebook. What happened was that she posted a new photo and I got spun out. I asked myself why was I doing this to […]
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Dear Future Client, You became a coach because you thought in some way it was the answer. Maybe at this point, you don’t even remember what the question was anymore. For me, the question was about finding purpose in life, doing work that mattered, having a sense of freedom, and making enough money so my […]
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Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously. – Prentis Hemphi Last week I decided to block my ex on Facebook. She didn’t do anything wrong, she didn’t start dating someone else (or if she did I don’t know about it), and I’m not mad at her. I blocked her […]
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There’s something compelling about reflecting on your work and what you’re creating with your life. You probably know the answers you always give at cocktail parties or events by heart, but if you dig deeper into the nature of your work, you may find things about it you don’t understand. In being with those questions, […]
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You may think your life was handled until the past week. You may now be discovering that there are places in your life that are out of integrity, that can’t manage some pressure or change. Nothing to beat yourself up about, but an incredible opportunity to learn.
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I was talking with a client recently about why people are buying so much toilet paper. I meant it seems crazy, right? Hand sanitizer makes sense. Maybe even rice and beans, but TP? But it actually reveals something significant about human nature.
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To be human is to be sick. Despite our best efforts, our most incredible drugs, our most brilliant minds, sickness is human. And so with this crisis, we come face to face with this truth. Not because this is exceptional. Getting sick is incredibly ordinary. But because we’re seeing it all at once. We are […]
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