4 Ways Changing Your Life = Better Sex
Changing your life is hard. It takes a lot of motivation to go from where you are to who you want to be. Sex is one of the most powerful motivators we know, yet so few people talk about how changing your life can benefit you in the sack.
1. Courage –
Change takes courage. Most people settle for an unsatisfying life because it’s familiar. Even if it sucks, they are afraid that something new might be even worse.
If you want to change you have to let go of the familiar and embrace the unknown. In that unknown is possibility for both fame and fortune or shame and ruin. Change asks us to swallow our fear and take a leap of faith.
Great sex also takes great courage. The worst lovers are the timid ones. The best lovers are the ones that are willing to take risks with gusto.
I’m not talking about taking risks like sleeping around or having unprotected sex. I’m talking about taking risks like talking openly about sex. I’m talking about being willing to say what you like and ask your partner what they like.
It’s funny that we are unwilling to talk about something so much of us do. Perhaps we are afraid we will find out we are horrible lovers. So instead of finding out how to be better we simply suffer silently.
When we have the courage to talk about sex, we often find a way to make things hotter for everyone involved.
2. Creativity –
Embracing change requires creativity. Doing the same ole same ole is easy. You just go to work, do your job, and collect your check. But if you want to live a different way, you have to get creative.
Change means trying new things and learning from your mistakes. You have to regain your sense of imagination and play. Because that’s what making change is all about.
Of course creativity has amazing benefits for you as a lover. The best lovers are inventive and imaginative. They don’t get stuck doing it one way, one day a week, for the rest of their lives. They seek out novelty and innovation. They develop new skills and better foreplay.
A little variety can spice things up quite a bit. And creativity can make your life an adventure during the day and during the night as well.
3. Curiosity –
Changing your life demands curiosity. If you aren’t curious you just accept things as they are, without asking questions. Changing you life is all about turning yourself into one big question.
Every great transformation begins with a question.
It could be the question:
How can I make my dream a reality?
Or How can I help people?
Or How can I travel all the time?
Every great question leads to other questions. And by always asking your life becomes the answer.
Because amazing sex demands amazing curiosity. Being curious will turn you into a macdaddy or macmomma in bed fast.
There isn’t one simple technique or skill you can learn that can make you an amazing lover. Every person is unique and what makes someone toes curl is just as unique . The only way you are going to figure it out is to by being curious.
Amazing lovers are always asking in speech and action:
How can I make this better for you?
How can I make this more exciting?
How can we help each other enjoy this more?
4. Confidence –
We can’t be sure what we are made of, until we are tested. If we spend all our time wondering ‘what if we went after our dreams?’ Instead of actually going after our dream we will never escape self doubt.
Embracing change teaches us to be more confident. And not only when we succeed. Surviving failure is one of the most powerful things we can do to build confidence.
When we fall flat on our faces and get up again we learn we can do it again.
Confidence also makes us amazing lovers. Confidence is one of the best aphrodisiacs out there and when it comes with creativity and curiosity it’s almost irresistible.
A confident lover is sure of what they want and knows they can give you what you want. Not because they already have you figured out, but because they’re sure they can figure it out with you.
Go Get It
If you still aren’t convinced that embracing change will make you better in the sack consider this. Who would you rather have as a lover? Someone with a stable job who always talks and dreams about doing something else, or someone who embraces change and goes after their dreams, even if the path is a little rockier along the way.
If we look into Pop culture we see so many example of poets, artists, and musicians with little to no money attracting desirable mates. Why is this?
If stability made for better lovers then accountant firms would be like Mad Men. But the truth is most people think passion is sexy. So stop living a boring life and go after your dreams.
Your current or future girl/boy friends and spouses will thank you over and over, I guarantee.
Question: What motivates you to change your life?
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5 thoughts on “4 Ways Changing Your Life = Better Sex”
Great post! And not just for sex.
Thanks Mary Ellen. I ‘m glad you liked it!
Oh boy – the forbidden subject. Good for you for tackling it!
I agree with you about the benefits of change and the willingness to take risks. Inherent in your comments are at least two aspects that occur to me:
First, seemingly paradoxically, changing anything in your life, but particularly with regard to intimate relations, requires a level of trust in your partner that is both crucial (for women, at least) and rare. It takes both that chemistry and electricity between the two of you that can’t be manufactured, and that has a way of sweeping you along with it – IF you dare let it. But holding your heart out to someone while experimenting with things you have no idea will succed, is one of the most powerful experiences in life – when you’re with the right person. Nothing can feel as personally annihilating as offering all of these gifts to someone who neither wants nor deserves them. The adventure becomes a thrill ride when that other person can be trusted to hold your heart carefully, realizing that it the most fragile and precious gift you can give.
And second, which is really tied to self-confidence and trust and courage, is you have to know yourself well enough to be certain you can survive a disastrous rejection or failure. I think men, in particluar, are extremely cautious in this area, because, if I may make a great generalization (which obviously contains many exception), while women are more frightened of not being desirable in the first place, men are terrified of disappointing their partner with their performance. The fascinating thing about this is that, in reality, most women are more desirable to their partners than they ever would believe, while most men perform perfectly well, and everything else is for “extra credit”.
Utimately, we bring to the bedroom everything that we had when we walked into it – the choice is whether to hide it, or present it openly, and, in my experience of nearly half a century on this earth, and many different bedrooms, is that one’s sense of one’s own personal value will determine the outcome every time.
My own experience consists of a spectrum of self-esteem levels spans from less than nothing to relatively strong – no need for details there, I think.
I love the insight of the comment Maura. Your touched on alot of things that I wish I could have covered in this post. I totally agree that men are very concerned with performance as its one of the most meaningful metrics of “manhood” and yet so few of us are willing to take the time to learn how to get better. It’s like we are supposed to be born Don Juans and if not we are failures.
My favorite part of your comment is the line, “Ultimately, we bring to the bedroom everything that we had when we walked into it” I think this is spot on and is one of the reasons why our sex life is a place that alot of our stuff comes up.
Thanks so much for your insight and your comments each one adds so much. I’m honored to have you as a reader.
Thank you for taking the time both to read my comment, and to write back in a manner that makes it evident that you actually DID read it. I can’t even remember the exact path that led me to your blog – I believe it started with my despair over the clutter everywhere I look. But keen observers of human behavior intuit the mental and emotional turmoil that lies hidden beneath all kinds of out-of-control clutter in a given person’s life – and I believe you are a pretty keen observer. It took me until I started teaching writing to underclassmen in college to realize that the best “critic” of anyone’s written work is someone who really is trying to understand what the messy mountain of words is trying to say. Put another way, it is rare and gratifying when, after talking to someone about an experience or thought one has had, the listener actually asks a relevant question. Even the most self-assured among us can’t help but adjust the evaluation of themselves according to the reactions of others. It matters to us that people understand us, and that they validate our thoughts, word, emotions – even if they disagree.
Knowing that someone is not only listening, but is hearing me as well, is one of the best, and most unusual, experiences that I ever have. Argue with me if you like, but show me that I’m not just taking up space in this world. A well-considered response is both a gift and a compliment.
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