How To Run A Meeting That Doesn’t Suck | Part 5: You Have To Know How To Generate Valuable Friction*

This is part five of a seven part series. Read Part One Here. Read Part Two Here. Read Part Three Here. Read Part Four Here.


Almost everyone I meet seems to think they know how to run a meeting. The startup founders I coach are convinced that their ability to guide a process is better than almost anyone else. The coaches I work with are no different, they feel their ability to listen and reflect makes them master facilitators. And yet consistently when I sit in on a meeting that one of my clients runs, I have to bite my tongue to hold back my suggestions and objections.

The truth is: MOST MEETINGS SUCK.

This is despite the fact that there are numerous guides, books, and outlines for how to run meetings. The real problem is that running a meeting is less about the mechanics (timing, agendas, talking sticks, conches, wands, etc) and more about the ability to be with people while also leading them with grace to a place THEY want to go.

So after running thousands of meetings and sitting through even more, here’s the skills you actually need to be successful.


**

You Have To Know How To Generate Valuable Friction*

**

The other side of people is their tendency to go along to get along. Most of the magic in meeting isn’t in coming to quick and easy agreement but by spurring people to think more deeply about the challenges, problems, and questions they’ve brought.

Which means as a facilitator you need to know how to create the kind of friction and challenge that leads to deeper thinking, better solutions, and more creative ideas.

To do this you have to be ok with conflict and the unknown, because those two things are what most teams and people like to avoid.

Here are some questions to consider: – Where does the group or person come to agreement too quickly? – What solutions are being overused? – What considerations are being avoided? – Where are people resigned to how things are? – What limitations have people accepted as unchangeable which are in fact changeable? – Where does possibility go to die on the team? In this person’s life?

Once you identify an area where a lack of conflict is limiting growth you can start to generate some good healthy conflict. The key to healthy conflict is you need both safety and challenge.

If you’ve done your work on the previous four points you’ve likely already created safety though it’s important to remember to make sure people are still being heard, that breakdowns are handled with grace, and that the issues are seen as issues and not personal battles to be fought in a public arena.

Then to create challenge you need to ask people to look at their underlying assumptions, to ask people to look beyond the most obvious solutions, and demand that people back up what they’re saying with evidence or at the very least some good reasoning.

Most facilitators only excavate the first layer of questions of possibility. The best facilitators encourage people to look at challenges from multiple perspectives, consider more creative options, and really look at the impact each option will have on the people involved.

To create challenge you have to learn to ask deeper questions and push people to think of more possible solutions:

Instead of asking – How could I do a better job of marketing my new course? Ask – What are all the ways I could market my new course?

Instead of asking – What offering do you think I/we should create next? Ask – What evidence do we have that indicates what our customers are looking for?

Instead of asking – Do you think we should hire a new assistant? Ask – What gaps are there in our current process? Could we cover these gaps with our current resources? What kind of personality is missing on our team? What will the real costs of hiring an assistant be? What are the costs of not having an assistant?

Of course creating challenges is more art than science. It requires a good facilitator to understand the context of the conversation, the assumptions that are hidden, and the possibilities that may exist. Once you have this sense of your group you will be able to challenge the group as a whole and each member of that group to do the hard work of thinking about the challenges that face them.

The key thing to remember is that friction is GOOD! so long as it pushes people to think beyond their comfort zone and deal with any elephants trying to hide behind a vague powerpoint slide or bullet point on a business plan.


This is part five of a seven part series. Read Part One Here. Read Part Two Here. Read Part Three Here. Read Part Four Here.

Check back in next week as we cover part six which is about preparing and following up.

  • Many of the ideas in this section are loosely based on ideas for creating debates from the book Multipliers.
 

How To Run A Meeting That Doesn’t Suck | Part 4: You Have To Know How To Deal With Breakdowns With Grace And Efficiency

This is part four of a seven part series.
Read Part One Here.
Read Part Two Here.
Read Part Three Here.


Almost everyone I meet seems to think they know how to run a meeting. The startup founders I coach are convinced that their ability to guide a process is better than almost anyone else. The coaches I work with are no different, they feel their ability to listen and reflect makes them master facilitators. And yet consistently when I sit in on a meeting that one of my clients runs, I have to bite my tongue to hold back my suggestions and objections.

The truth is: MOST MEETINGS SUCK.

This is despite the fact that there are numerous guides, books, and outlines for how to run meetings. The real problem is that running a meeting is less about the mechanics (timing, agendas, talking sticks, conches, wands, etc) and more about the ability to be with people while also leading them with grace to a place THEY want to go.

So after running thousands of meetings and sitting through even more, here’s the skills you actually need to be successful.


**

You Have To Know How To Deal With Breakdowns With Grace And Efficiency

**

Meetings would go much more smoothly if they didn’t have any people in them. Humans are funny, we take things personally, we dig into positions that don’t matter, and we bring our own set of fears and filters to everything we do.

But people are still the magic of meetings. Our kindness, our creativity, our empathy, and our ability to cooperate and collaborate gives us the ability to build giant buildings and perform beautiful symphonies. To be great at facilitating meetings you have to know how to work with people when they stop working.

At some point during your meeting there’s going to be a breakdown. Or more simply put, someone is going to get upset, repeat an opinion over and over again, try to move beyond a vague point too quickly, or something else.

When this happens you have to know how to work with it. If you can work with it skillfully then you can get the team back on track without stepping over or onto anyone in the process.

Here’s how I do it:

A. Identify that there is breakdown – is this normal helpful conflict or is it getting too heated? Is the team on track but thrashing or is it off track? Are you on topic or in a rabbit hole? How does the room feel?

Mostly you’ll feel breakdowns happen. It will seem like all of a sudden you’re in the weeds or that something has been said that is causing a strained reaction. Notice it and wake up.

B. What is the breakdown? – Is someone upset? Has someone taken something personally? Does some not feel heard? Are people taking sides?

Once you can tell something is wrong you have to work out what shouldn’t be or should be that is. You can do this by yourself or in the group.

“Hey I noticed the energy has shifted, does anyone else feel it? What’s going on here?”

C. Attend to the breakdown – You shouldn’t try to fix it, fixing a breakdown won’t solve the problem. First you just need to attend to it by putting your attention on it or the group’s attention on it. There are a couple ways to attend things I do.

The first is just listening – I’ll go to the person who is upset and say, “Hey I notice this topic has some energy for you. Can you tell me about that?” Then I simply reflect what they say. Many times this is all that’s needed to move on, since being heard is a simple need we all have.

The second is depersonalizing the issue – If the team is debating whether to invest in marketing or sales it’s natural that the head of sales will get invested. So instead I simply invite everyone to argue for why marketing should get the money and then I ask everyone to argue about why sales should get the money. This way the debate isn’t personal. It’s not about who deserves the money. It’s about the options and their value to the company.

D. Resolve the breakdown and move on –
This can be the hardest part for many people. When a breakdown happens we tend to either avoid the problem and hope it goes away or we hyper focus on the problem way too long.

Very often people aren’t going to be fully bought in on every choice the group might make. And not everyone will have wisdom for everybody else.

When a breakdown happens you need to attend to it, but then you need to move on. Often I’ll hear someone out, check in to make them feel heard, and then simply say, “Hey we need to move on now, is that alright with you?” They almost always say yes. The key here is I’m calm, present, and I ask their permission.

Don’t get lost in the breakdowns or you’ll play whack a mole forever, deal with what you can and then move on.


This is part four of a seven part series.
Read Part One Here.
Read Part Two Here.
Read Part Three Here.

Check back in next week as we cover friction.

 

How To Run A Meeting That Doesn’t Suck | Part 3: You Have To Know How To Track Four Things At Once

This is part three of a seven part series.
Read Part One Here.
Read Part Two Here.


Almost everyone I meet seems to think they know how to run a meeting. The startup founders I coach are convinced that their ability to guide a process is better than almost anyone else. The coaches I work with are no different, they feel their ability to listen and reflect makes them master facilitators. And yet consistently when I sit in on a meeting that one of my clients runs, I have to bite my tongue to hold back my suggestions and objections.

The truth is: MOST MEETINGS SUCK.

This is despite the fact that there are numerous guides, books, and outlines for how to run meetings. The real problem is that running a meeting is less about the mechanics (timing, agendas, talking sticks, conches, wands, etc) and more about the ability to be with people while also leading them with grace to a place THEY want to go.

So after running thousands of meetings and sitting through even more, here’s the skills you actually need to be successful.


**

You Have To Know How To Set A Context

**

A context is not an agenda or an outline of a meeting. It’s literally the space a meeting will happen in.

Setting a context is like laying out a field for a sport. In football you define the endzones and the yard lines. In soccer you define the goal box and the center point. These lines indicate something important about the game you’re about to play.

That’s what creating the right context is. Most facilitators draw a sort of vague box around the work that’s going to be done. And then hope people will play by the rules. But if the box is ill defined in structure, energy, and intent the game gets more and more messy over time.

Learning how to discover what the context is and then make sure you define it for everyone engaging is key. And you’ll probably have to learn to set it and then remind people about it as they go along.

Start by answering these questions: – What is this meeting for? – What is the desired outcome? – What is the current dynamic of the people involved? – Where do the current set of desires align and conflict? – What needs to be in the space in order for people to feel safe to engage and inspired to participate?

Some of these may be hard to answer. Ideally you can ask before the meeting but if not, take a guess. Having some idea of these questions will help you define how to move forward.

Once you have an idea of the baseline ask yourself: What am I committed to creating at this meeting?

This isn’t the outcome, it’s rather the space you want to create. Think like an interior designer might: How do I want people to feel in this bathroom?

And then work to set a context from that place. The context will include the purpose, but will also create a relational space. If you do a good job of this the experience will be both somewhat seamless (people don’t totally trip over what you’re saying) but it will also have an impact (they will pause for a moment and reflect or have a subtle reaction like a leaning back or taking a deep breath).

You can watch this happen in real time and it’s a worthy thing to see if you can create. A great context makes a great meeting and it like all the rest of these takes practice.


This is part three of a seven part series.
Read Part One Here.
Read Part Two Here.

 

How To Run A Meeting That Doesn’t Suck | Part 2: You Have To Know How To Set A Context

This is part two of a seven part series.
Read Part One Here.


Almost everyone I meet seems to think they know how to run a meeting. The startup founders I coach are convinced that their ability to guide a process is better than almost anyone else. The coaches I work with are no different, they feel their ability to listen and reflect makes them master facilitators. And yet consistently when I sit in on a meeting that one of my clients runs, I have to bite my tongue to hold back my suggestions and objections.

The truth is: MOST MEETINGS SUCK.

This is despite the fact that there are numerous guides, books, and outlines for how to run meetings. The real problem is that running a meeting is less about the mechanics (timing, agendas, talking sticks, conches, wands, etc) and more about the ability to be with people while also leading them with grace to a place THEY want to go.

So after running thousands of meetings and sitting through even more, here’s the skills you actually need to be successful.


You Have To Know How To Set A Context

A context is not an agenda or an outline of a meeting. It’s literally the space a meeting will happen in.

Setting a context is like laying out a field for a sport. In football you define the endzones and the yard lines. In soccer you define the goal box and the center point. These lines indicate something important about the game you’re about to play.

That’s what creating the right context is. Most facilitators draw a sort of vague box around the work that’s going to be done. And then hope people will play by the rules. But if the box is ill defined in structure, energy, and intent the game gets more and more messy over time.

Learning how to discover what the context is and then make sure you define it for everyone engaging is key. And you’ll probably have to learn to set it and then remind people about it as they go along.

Start by answering these questions: – What is this meeting for? – What is the desired outcome? – What is the current dynamic of the people involved? – Where do the current set of desires align and conflict? – What needs to be in the space in order for people to feel safe to engage and inspired to participate?

Some of these may be hard to answer. Ideally you can ask before the meeting but if not, take a guess. Having some idea of these questions will help you define how to move forward.

Once you have an idea of the baseline ask yourself: What am I committed to creating at this meeting?

This isn’t the outcome, it’s rather the space you want to create. Think like an interior designer might: How do I want people to feel in this bathroom?

And then work to set a context from that place. The context will include the purpose, but will also create a relational space. If you do a good job of this the experience will be both somewhat seamless (people don’t totally trip over what you’re saying) but it will also have an impact (they will pause for a moment and reflect or have a subtle reaction like a leaning back or taking a deep breath).

You can watch this happen in real time and it’s a worthy thing to see if you can create. A great context makes a great meeting and it like all the rest of these takes practice.

 

How To Run A Meeting That Doesn’t Suck | Part 1: You Have To Be Present

Almost everyone I meet seems to think they know how to run a meeting. The startup founders I coach are convinced that their ability to guide a process is better than almost anyone else. The coaches I work with are no different, they feel their ability to listen and reflect makes them master facilitators. And yet consistently when I sit in on a meeting that one of my clients runs, I have to bite my tongue to hold back my suggestions and objections.

The truth is: MOST MEETINGS SUCK.

This is despite the fact that there are numerous guides, books, and outlines for how to run meetings. The real problem is that running a meeting is less about the mechanics (timing, agendas, talking sticks, conches, wands, etc) and more about the ability to be with people while also leading them with grace to a place THEY want to go.

So after running thousands of meetings and sitting through even more, here’s the skills you actually need to be successful.


You have to be present

This is the MOST FUNDAMENTAL SKILL of any facilitator. Despite how obvious it is, 90% of the problems meeting facilitator’s face come down to their inability to be present.

This takes constant work if you’re facilitating a meeting. I mean constant. Very often when I’m running a group or a strategic planning session or a mastermind group I am working constantly to really be in the room and noticing what’s going on. It’s so easy to get distracted by the agenda or by one little rabbit hole in a conversation.

To be a master facilitator you MUST learn to be present and return to presence again and again.

But you have to train your presence. The first step in this is meditation with yourself; learning to sit and be with your breath, thoughts, and feelings.

The next step is learning to meditate with other people, processes like authentic relating or conscious communication can help.

Or you can simply start by meditating during your next meeting. All you have to do is in between moments of engagement lean back (mentally or energetically) and begin to observe the room.

What’s not being said?
Who’s saying the same thing again and again?
Who’s not talking for a reason?
Where are we in the flow of this meeting?
What thoughts and feelings keep occurring to me?

By returning to presence with each person as they speak as well as the group as a whole, often where to go next will be incredibly apparent.

This takes practice but the simple action of stepping back more often will immediately improve your facilitation skills. Even if you’re not running the meeting.

 

Your Life Is Art

No one signs their name anymore. Not really. We make a half-assed squiggle with our finger on a digital screen. We scribble our name on documents, the letter collapsing and falling over.

I’m the worst at this. Except when I went to vote by mail. Then my signature was pristine, perfect, and crisp. I wrote it with care because it mattered. Because I knew someone was watching.

You might think that how you sign your name doesn’t matter. After all, the card company isn’t going to check it. The barista or waiter isn’t either. Even when I write “check ID” on the back of my cards almost no one asks.

And as a stand-alone occurrence, it probably doesn’t matter. After all I’m not singing the declaration of independence or the constitution.

Recently I started to notice this trend in myself, towards convenience, speed, and efficiency. It started to bother me. Because my life, your life is not a thing to be dispensed with, to be scribbled off.

Your life is art. Or it can be.

Last month I had a virtual date. At first, I thought I’d order us dinner. Maybe get some flowers delivered to her house. But then I realized that I could make art with it. So I made a website. Nothing too complex, it only took me an hour or so.

The website guided us through the date. I gave us a structure. The date itself became a form of art. I shared it with a couple of other people who were helping me out and they were both moved by it.

Over New Year’s weekend I went hiking. And the conversation I shared on that hike was art. It was about couples who go hiking. We spent a few moments together laughing and taking in the scenery. We weren’t concerned with the mileage or exactly how fast we wanted to go. The hike itself became art.

When I cook, I feel into the food. I cut the onions, making sure the carrots look uniform. I try to add different colors of sweet potatoes. I think about a garnish. So that when the dish is done, there’s texture, shades, and so much more. The food itself is art.

This is what it means to make art with life. Sometimes it’s dramatic, a bold gesture, a full on production. And sometimes it’s incredibly subtle, like how you sign your name on a digital pad.

Making art with your life is possible, here’s how.

1) Notice what you don’t notice:

There are places where all of us take things for granted. The way our love kisses us in the morning. The way you make your coffee. The way you brush your teeth. These places are rich repositories and opportunities to create art with your life.

Your relationships are filled with small moments of unconsciousness and routine. So simply start noticing what you don’t notice, what you step over, and what you take for granted.

2) Look at it from a new perspective:

There are things we get through and there are things we create through. We get through waiting for the plane to board. We create through writing a birthday card for someone we love. We get through washing the dishes. We create through cooking a special meal as a treat for ourselves.

Everything that is a ‘get through’ moment can become a ‘create through’ moment.

I learned this really well when I worked in the kitchen at the Zen Monastery I lived at for two years. In kitchen practice everything we did was infused with mindfulness and compassion. We cut carrots with love. We stirred pots with deep presence.

I swear you could taste it in the food. And you could certainly feel it as you cooked.

What we were doing was no different than what is done in commercial kitchens all over the world, but it felt different.

We took a perspective of wonder, curiosity, and attention to what we did.

After you notice what you didn’t notice, try to look at it differently. See if you can see it as an invitation into creation. Ask yourself how could I create through this?

3) Answer the question “How could I create through this?”

The next step is simple. You answer the question, with an I could.

I could write poems at the bus stop.
I could connect with my Uber driver.
I could draw a small masterpiece on the coffee shop Ipad.
I add a garnish to my dinner.
I could really connect with my beloved as we say goodbye.
I could be fascinated by my child’s day even if it’s so simple.

You don’t have to do all of these things. You don’t have to do any of them. This isn’t about finding what you ‘should’ do or the ‘right thing’ to do. That’s not the nature of art.

This isn’t painting by numbers.

You’re just looking at what you COULD do. If making art with your life is new, you can spend some time here. Just dreaming. Thinking of things to try. You can’t stay here, but it’s a good start because you’re opening up new possibilities for yourself.

Slowly carefully lovingly let yourself be open to what’s possible.

4) Try something . . . anything

Once you’ve gotten a few ideas one will call to you. For me, the one that scares me or lights me up and turns me on the most will speak to me. So now it’s time to try it out.

I’ll be honest at first you’re going to be a bit awkward and clunky. You may get some weird looks, but you should try it anyway. You’ll realize you can survive being a bit silly and absurd. And often it will go way better than you can imagine.

Not all art is a success, but that’s not the point of art. The point of art is to create something new, to express something, and to allow that something to blossom and wither in a moment.

So try something. It’s ok if it’s not the boldest thing, it’s ok if it is super bold, but just try.

5) Learn and refine

Now that you’ve created something and put it into the world, refine it. Draw a different kind of sun on the coffee shop Ipad. Add a smile to your present goodbye kiss. Ask your kiddo about their day at dinner instead of when they get home. Try rosemary instead of thyme as the garnish.

Artists don’t just paint one painting and stop. They create and recreate. They try again, they add something else, they take something away.

The reason why learning and refining are so important is that they help you move from a moment of expression to a practice of it. Instead of making art an event—like an anniversary dinner—it becomes part of the ritual of your life.

This is the final step and it is the one you have to keep making again and again.

I realized that you might be wondering why you’d want to do this?

Why not just have a nice dinner with your partner once a year?
Why not just squiggle my name on an Ipad?

For me, the reason is simple. Life is the most rare and precious commodity you have. Especially your life. You’ve only got so many days, so many moments, so many chances.

It’s like you’ve got a box of crayons and they’re wearing down all the time and you never really know when you’ll get to the bottom of them.

So what do you want to do with them? You can squiggle your signature. Die of boredom waiting for the bus. Resent and cling to routine out of a need for control.

Or you can make art with them. Over and over again I’ve chosen art and I’ve seen the people around me who I most admire do the same.

So please choose to make art. It can be simple even mundane art. But even then, it will still be art.

And at the end of your life you’ll be so grateful that you chose to create through it.

 

How I Reply To Social Media Posts I Don’t Agree With

Anti-vaccination posts.
Anti-mask posts.
Posts about Bill Gates being a Lizard King
Posts that spread racist or sexist ideas

You see them all the time. You don’t agree with them. But what do you do about them?

This question comes up for me all the time. And each time I’m torn.

On the one hand, I know that allowing misinformation and bigotry to spread unchecked only makes things worse.

On the other hand, EVERY time I respond to one of these posts I get attacked, piled on, dismissed, or even worse I somehow seem to invite more conflict from both sides.

So what do you do?

To be honest, this is why I avoid commenting on posts I disagree with, but when I do I have found one way to offer a different perspective that seems to create the most space for people to connect around their shared values.

Here’s what I do:

1) Talk about your own experience – Instead of telling people they’re dumb or crazy. Simply share your own experience of you’ve grown and changed in your understanding.

For example, this year I bought a gun for target shooting. I believe in gun control and yet when I went to buy my gun I found the process frustrating. It seemed like there were so many loops to jump through and details to manage. But then I remembered that if I was angry or bent on violence all the steps and safeguards may have given me space to really think about my actions, it might have helped me calm down, and decide to not hurt someone I cared about. I get how annoying it is, but I’m glad we have laws that help keep us safe.

Now when I talk to people who are against gun restrictions I can share this experience. Not from a place of ‘guns are bad and you’re a violent nut for liking them,’ but from a place where I truly honor the desire to do something you enjoy and the frustration with laws that seem to get in the way of that.

By sharing your own experiences of how you relate to an issue, you make your opinions about you. You invite people into a story of your life, rather than creating a story about theirs.

2) Honor other people’s feelings – Often when we disagree with someone we discount how they feel. How can they be angry at immigrants? How can they be scared of something that’s been proven safe? How can they feel so reassured by false facts?

But even though they may have come to a different conclusion, their feelings are real.

SO when you talk to people honor their feelings. Express empathy with their desire for freedom, the longing for safety, their sense of unfairness, and then offer a new way to look at the same issue.

“I understand that you get angry at the thought that people who break the law might take jobs from law-abiding citizens, it makes sense, and I learned something the other day about immigrant labor that made me think differently about that.

“I understand that vaccines feel scary and that after hearing some people’s stories you feel cautious. When I hear those stories a part of me feels worried too.”

When you do this, you’re letting them know, ‘ You’re not crazy to feel that way’ and I have a different take on it. When you really hear people, you make it easier for them to hear you.

3) Don’t make other people wrong – Finally, if you can, don’t make the people you’re disagreeing with wrong. We usually do this by saying things like

“people who don’t wear masks are idiots” or “anyone who doesn’t get their kids vaccinated is a bad parent”

If someone is calling you an idiot or a bad parent, you’re not likely to listen to them.

So instead let them be who they are and simply offer an alternative point of view.

“I get that people who don’t wear masks care about their personal freedom, but for me, I realized that in this case, my freedom might hurt someone I love.”

“I can really feel the love anti-vax parents have for their kids. I care about my kids too and I’m scared they might get sick from some of the horrible diseases we have vaccines for. . . “

By understanding and honoring their intentions even if you disagree with their conclusions makes a big difference.

At our core, we all want the same things. We want our friends and family to be safe and happy. And while the strategies we use to get there might be different, the desire is the same.

Learning how to tap into this, is sort of like a magic spell. One that helps us connect with the deep humanity underneath opinions and points of view. If you can learn to come from this place consistently there’s so much that’s possible. ANd it’s this kind of deep compassion that our world needs now more than ever.

 

Do Less, Change More – 5 Minimalist Life Changers

kiddream, start small, Can I Really Do Less and Change More? - 5 Minimalist Transformation Steps, life work, journaling, one sentence journal, consistency, get support, believe in yourself, make mistake, transformation, mindful fitness, mindfulness based fitness, mindfitmove
Changing your life can seem really complicated and challenging. The process of transformation is a life long journey, but it can begin with a few very simple steps.

5 Minimalist Life Changers

1. Keep a Journal
Try keeping a daily journal of your food, activity, sleep, and mood. This is a powerful tool to notice and change your habit patterns.

When I was preparing to take the Buddhist precepts, I started a daily reflection practice. Every night I spent a few minutes reflecting on the days events. I thought about how I had held the vows I was preparing to take.
I not only discovered some blind spots, but learned to appreciate my victories as well.

2. Go Small and Consistent
Changing your life is about building the confidence to change your habits. Start small and build from there.

When I quit smoking, I didn’t quit cold turkey like many people. I slowly cut back over time. Every time I wanted to smoke, I would delay as long as possible.

I called this practice quitting. When I stopped smoked completely, this practice helped me defeat the urge to cheat whenever it arose.

3. Get Support
Social accountability is a big component for people who are successful in transforming their lives. Having friends on the path makes the journey much easier.

When I was training for my first century ride (100 mile bike ride), I committed to riding with a training group every week. The weekly ritual kept me honest about my training and encouraged me to keep going.

4. Redefine Success
It’s helpful to think of success as measured by both internal and external improvement. Don’t just work to make your body look better also make sure you are nourishing your heart and mind.

It’s important to honor every part of yourself. The part of you that wants a treat isn’t bad or evil, it just wants you to pay attention to something you need.

When I quit smoking, someone told me I had to honor whatever need the smoking filled for me. If I did that, I’d make sure to stay quit.

One thing I loved about smoking was that it made me feel rebellious. So after I quit, I started reading under my sheets after lights out at the monastery. It was against the rules so I felt rebellious. But it was mostly harmless.

Eventually, I was able to put down the crutch, but it helped for a while.
If you feed that need without engaging in the same habit; you make better choices and honor yourself at the same time.

5. Believe In Yourself
Change is very possible, but it’s not a straight and easy road. You have to remind yourself often that you can do it.

Even though I have changed my life drastically over the past 2-3 years I still worry that I’ll slip up. I have to remind myself regularly that change is possible. And that I am manifesting that possibility with every small change I make.

I hope that you find these 5 tips helpful because they have helped me so much.

My number one goal is to help people change their lives. My dream for everyone that reads this blog is that you stay focused on your path and never give up on your ability to change your life.

Photo Credits

 

Minimalist Health: 5 Unbelievably Easy Ways To Live Healthier

Minimalist Health: 5 Unbelievably Easy Ways To Live Healthier, minimalist health, eat better, mindful fitness, mindfulness, what is mindfulness, live healthierThere is a deluge of advice out there on how to live a healthier lifestyle. You can eat Paleo, do Crossfit, go vegan, and get a TRX.

But for all the theories and programs, a healthy lifestyle isn’t actually that complicated. And some of these programs do more harm than good.

A Crazy Diet
When I was a high school wrestler, I had to cut weight for matches. So, I tried all sorts of crazy dieting theories.

For several months, I was on a liquid diet of protein shakes. Another time, I ate baked potatoes for almost every meal. I also tried eating meals the size of a soft balls.

Each of these wild plans worked but I’d end up feeling like crap. For example, when I came off the liquid diet it felt like someone dropped a bomb on my body. Other diets left me so tired the feeling of my clothes irritated me.

You Did What?
When I tell people these stories they think I was nuts. Yet, you see this kind of stuff all the time in the diet and fitness world. People will do anything to try to conquer their weight.

Too often, this means making yourself miserable just to lose a few pounds. The problem is being miserable isn’t sustainable. The pursuit of health needs to be part of the pursuit of happiness. Otherwise, you’re not on the right track.

Listen to Your Body
When I came back to athletics as an adult I realized that when I lived healthier I felt healthier. I could have ice cream for breakfast but I felt bloated and sleepy. I could eat a salad for every meal, but I’d feel weak and be prone to sickness.

If I paid attention, my body would tell me if I was on the right track. I still worked out hard and sometimes I felt sore. But when I pursued a balanced path, I looked and felt much better.

Being healthy and happy doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact it shouldn’t be. The idea at the core of Mindful Fitness is that healthy, happy living is about simplicity and balance.

So here are 5 Unbelievably Simple Things You Can Do To Improve Your Health

1. Move Bad Food Further Away
The closer you are to food the more likely you are to eat it. So, move food out of your office and into a break room. Don’t bring food into your bedroom unless it’s for a meal. Only take half of what you normally would for dinner and leave the extra in the kitchen.

Best of all don’t buy food you don’t want to eat. If you have to move to get it, you have to think about it. This one step will increase you awareness of everything you eat.

2. Eat More Fruits and Vegetables
Between every meal, eat a piece of fruit. Make half of each dinner plate some type of non-starchy vegetable. I tell all of my clients to eat more veggies. I tell myself the same thing.

Like Snacking? Eat fruit. You will get more vitamins, eat fewer calories, and feel better.

3. Never Go More Than 2 Days without Exercise
This doesn’t mean you have to lift weights or run a mile everyday. It just means you should do some intentional activity every other day. Even if it’s a 5 min walk around the office.

The habit of exercise is the first step to being active. Make it small. Make it doable. Make it happen.

4. Spend 10 Minutes a Day in Intentional Silence
Turn the radio off when doing the dishes. Turn the radio off when you pick your kids up from school. Take a 10 min walk in silence.

Listen to the sounds around you. Focus on your breath. Silence is the most nourishing practice for our minds. This habit is a key to mindful living.

5. Stretch
Whether you are training for an Iron man or mostly sedentary, flexibility is essential. It prevents injury and helps your body be happy. Stretch every other day. Even if it’s just getting out of bed and spending five minutes bending this way and that.

Even better take a yoga class. Look around and you’ll discover many options to choose from. Take something simple and take it easy. Your body and mind will thank you.

The most amazing wisdom is usually the simplest. Being healthy isn’t complicated. Just start small and stick to it. Remember that radical change is gradual change.

 

Interview with Lori Deschene: Founder of TinyBuddha.com


Lori Deschene Founder of TinyBuddha
This week I was lucky enough to interview a person I admire greatly, the founder of TinyBuddha.com Lori Deschene.

Her blog  and Twitter feed inspires thousands of people around the world. She shares simple wisdom in the form of quotes, writings, and books. She also shares amazing content from many inspiring writers and seekers.

Before Lori published my posts on TinyBuddha.com I was a small blogger with just a few dozen readers. Because of her help my blog has gotten thousands of views and has hundreds of subscribers.

Thanks
I want to take this chance to thank her for the community she has built, the opportunity she has given me, and the inspiring example she is setting with TinyBuddha.com

If you don’t know about her or her blog please go over and check it out. I know you won’t be disappointed.

Interview
She was nice enough to take the time to answer a few questions for this humble blog. I hope you all enjoy her answers as much as I did.

1. A big thing about Tiny Buddha is sharing inspiring quotes. Have these sayings given your strength through difficult times? 

Absolutely! There’s one quote that’s impacted me more than any other: “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.”

This is one I found during one of the lowest times of my life, when I was living an isolated existence in a low-income dorm-style Manhattan building. I had no money, no friends, no self-respect, and, I thought, no hope.

But this quote changed my perspective. I formerly thought my circumstances defined me, but suddenly I considered that maybe I wasn’t the sum of my mistakes; maybe I could be the strength I found to learn from them and move beyond them.

This particular experience happened a few years before I started tinybuddha.com, but I continue to use this as a personal mantra. And I always reflect on the daily quote—which makes sense given that I often choose them based on what I’m dealing with at a given time!

2. Who is the most quotable person in your life?
Interesting question! I’d have to say my boyfriend. He’s someone I turn to for guidance and support because he’s insightful and wise beyond his years. That’s something that drew me to him initially.

He embodies all the qualities I aspire to possess: he has a sense of childlike wonder and presence; he sees the best in people and gives them the benefit of the doubt; and he knows that gratitude is the key to happiness.

3. What exciting projects are you working on right now? When can we expect to see them come online?
I’m working on a few exciting things right now! Sometime within the next few weeks, I plan to launch a new, responsive design and forums. I’m in the initial phases of building a Tiny Buddha iPhone app, which I hope to launch in a few months.

I’m planning a second site with my first ever eCourse (in partnership with my boyfriend, actually), which should be up by June or July. And I’m also preparing to launch my second book, Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Self-Love, this fall.

4. Do you think that using others quotes limits creativity or does it support the creative process? And why?
That’s an interesting question. I never really thought about whether it limits creativity, but I suppose it could for some.

I wanted to run the blog this way, having all posts start with a quote, because the site came after the Twitter account, which was a quote feed.

I wondered how many of us actually applied those daily thoughts to our lives; and I hoped that by encouraging people to share stories related to the quotes, it would inspire us to focus more on doing that.

Especially now that we have so much information at our fingertips, it’s tempting to consume ideas without really reflecting on them and doing something with them.

Requiring people to write with quotes in mind may limit the experience of writing, but I hope it enhances the experience of living!

5. What is your experience with mindfulness and exercise practice? Have either or both taught you any valuable lessons?
Both have taught me valuable lessons. Mindfulness has taught me that I truly can “start over” at any time. I don’t need to carry the weight of who or where I’ve been—every moment can be a fresh start if I’m willing to let it be.

Exercise is something I’ve learned a lot from, but I’m not currently applying those lessons very well! Since I moved out of my apartment a month back, I’ve been hopping around and I haven’t stuck to a routine. However, I know that I am happier and more balanced when I prioritize exercise.

It’s not just about my body—something I thought years ago. It’s about my overall well-being. It’s a big part of being good to myself, and it affects my ability to be good for others.

6. How do people transform their lives?
There are lots of ways—but I suggest starting by changing your thoughts. If we can take responsibility for ourselves without blaming ourselves, and challenge the beliefs that keep us stuck, we’re in good shape to start creating real change. Beyond that, I suggest focusing on the tiny things. It’s less overwhelming, therefore easier to maintain consistency, and, the small things all add up!


Thanks again Lori for taking the time to answer these questions. If you don’t know about Lori please check out her blog and twitter feed.

Posts I’ve written for TinyBuddha
3 Mar When You Feel Terrified: Come Out of the Panic Zone

12 Dec 5 Powerful Things to Do for Yourself When You’re Sick

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha, a community blog that features stories and insights from readers all over the globe. Since it launched in 2009, Tiny Buddha has grown into one of the most popular inspirational sites on the web, with more than 1 million social media friends. Lori runs the site as a group effort because she believes we all have something to teach and something to learn. She is the author of Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions and the Tiny Wisdom eBooks series.