failure

by Toku on Mindset

Life Is All About Being in a State of Constant Failure.

If you’re living well, if you have a purpose that challenges you, if you have a partner you find sexy, wild, and alluring, you will be constantly failing. Not because you aren’t good enough, smart enough, or likable enough.

You will be failing because you will be continuously pushed by your life, your purpose, and your partner to grow, evolve, change, and become more of who you are at your core.

This pull from life to draw you out is never ending. It shifts shapes. It changes directions. It is a Rubik’s cube that rearranges its own colors.

The mistake most of us make is that we think that success is the goal. It isn’t.
Success is a momentary illusory escape from life. It doesn’t last. Nothing does.

Instead, the goal of life is to be fully at rest and sufficient in the midst of constant failure. To know you are good enough, worthy, incredible, unlike any being that has ever lived, and you are failing.

When you find the sufficiency of failure, you will also find the path to peace.

 
by Toku on Skillset

Fantastic Failure: 5 Steps to Admitting Defeat

Fantastic Failure: 5 Steps to Admitting Defeat, failure, losing, failing gracefully, fitness fail, mindfulness, mindful fitness, mindfitmove, mind fit moveTaking Risks
Within reason, taking risks is a good idea. If we didn’t take risks, our lives would be limited, boring, and boxed in by our fears. But sometimes when we leap, we land flat on our face.

When this happens we have a choice. We can accept defeat and learn or we can deny failure and rob ourselves of wisdom.

Are Your Experienced
Recently I decided to design a logo for MindFitMove. A friend of mine recommended 99designs. So I thought I would give it a shot.

I wrote my design brief and submitted it. The designs started pouring in. I thought things were going pretty well.

Then I consulted my cousin who is a designer extraordinaire. First she told me she worried that 99designs was exploitative of designers. Then she told me the designs were lacking to say the least.

The Knot
I looked again and realized she was right. The logos weren’t awful, but they weren’t great either. I felt this knot in my stomach. I knew that knot meant my project had failed.

I knew I had to throw in the towel. I realized then that admitting failure isn’t easy. But admitting defeat is essential to moving forward and learning from our mistakes.

So here are 5 Steps to Admitting Defeat.

1.Seek Trusted Advice:
Before you admit failure, see what others think. It may not be as bad as you think it is. Doom and gloom grows in the isolated mind.

By getting other perspectives you might find out what failed, how it failed, what your options are, and who knows you might even get a hug.

2. Admit Failure to Yourself.
Say, “I failed, but that’s ok, this happens to people all the time. Failure doesn’t make me unique or awful. In fact, if I don’t fail it means I’m not really trying.

3. Admit Failure to Everyone Else
Do this quickly. Delaying will only make things worse.

Make a list of everyone you let down. Contact them and tell them what happened. Take responsibility for your part in the failure.

Tell them you are working to figure out what happened. Apologize for any trouble or pain this might have caused them. Ask if there is anything you can do to make amends.

4. Don’t make excuses or become overly critical.
There are reasons this happened, but excuses just make defeat worse. Instead, take a long hard look at what happened. Notice mitigating factors and where a lack of awareness or knowledge led to this outcome.

It’s also essential to take responsibility without being critical of yourself. This empowers you to make a change. Being overly critical is another way of making ourselves special in defeat. It will only make the recovery longer and more painful.

5. Take the lesson, let go, and move on.
Figure out what you will do different next time, let your defeat go, and move on. Defeat only means something if we learn from it. Wallowing is itself another act of defeat.

Let’s Talk: What is a failure you made? How did you learn from it?

Photo Credits

 
by Toku on Skillset

Shut Up and Be Happy

A happy baby, minduflness, learn to be happy, happiness, create happiness, happy fitness, mindful fitness, mindfitmoveCircumstantial
It’s easy to think happiness is circumstantial. If I only had the right partner, the right job, lived in the right city, or had the right diet and fitness plan, then I would be happy.

But as we live our lives, we find it’s hard to get things just right.

Dissatisfaction
Maybe we get one part of our lives how we want it, but we can’t keep it that way. Or something else in our life gets out of wack instead. Or it’s doesn’t feel as good as we thought it would.

This is what the Buddha called the truth of suffering. But today we might better understood as the truth of dissatisfaction. Let me explain what I mean.

Choose Your Own Adventure
A few years ago, I was living in Nashville, Tennessee and I wasn’t happy. I felt like my life wasn’t going the way that I wanted. I needed to make a change.

I wanted to go on an adventure. I wanted to mix things up. So, I took out a map and plotted a long road trip to Portland, OR.

I had been to Portland only once before, and I loved it. It had a great music scene. There were mountains for skiing. And it was filled with cute hippie girls.

The Plan
I’d drive across the country and get to Portland just in time for winter. I’d get a job as a ski instructor. And while I worked as a ski bum, I’d look for a job in the music business.

Before I knew it I was on the road, camping, hiking, and loving it. I got to Portland and bagged a ski instructor job. Everything was going just as planned.

Only there was one problem. I wasn’t happy.

Mountains and Molehills
I planned to live on the mountain, but I soon realized I couldn’t do it. All the ski bums I met were obsessed with skiing. (Big surprise right?)

They would wake up, work on the slopes, and go skiing or boarding all day.
Then at night, they would come home, drink to excess and talk about skiing. They would watch skiing videos. They told stories about skiing.

Now I love skiing but seriously, there’s more to life. I remember thinking to myself, “Don’t you want to talk about politics, or literature, or even TV? “

Gigging
My plan was going awry, but instead of realizing my error, I pushed ahead. I worked double time to find a gig in the music business.

I contacted everyone I knew. I met with dozens of people. And it worked. I got a small gig at a music venue.

I worked hard and when the house manager quit, I applied. I nailed the interview and got the job. I thought, ”It’s all working out after all. “

Except again, it wasn’t how I thought it would be.

The Working Life
The job was brutal. I worked over 70 hours a week. I had two bosses who gave me conflicting instructions and then criticized the results either way.

I was doing the job of three people. I was being paid half what I should. And I was constantly told I wasn’t meeting expectations.

Then I caught one of my bosses doing something super unethical. I didn’t know what to do. I confronted my boss and lost the job.

Again, my plan had unraveled before me.

A Come to Buddha Moment
But this time was different. I realized that the way I had been living was crazy.

I had made plan after plan. And it didn’t seem to matter whether the plan worked or not. At the end, I’d found myself right where I started.

For the first time I saw the problem in a new light. I kept looking for the right circumstances, but I couldn’t find them. I wondered, “What if I could never get them right?”

What if I was looking for happiness in the wrong place? What if what I needed wasn’t ‘out there’ at all?

This may seem obvious, but for me it was a revolution. I had heard things like this before, but I have never felt the truth of it. And wisdom doesn’t mean much unless you experience it directly.

Bone Warming Truth
When I really felt the truth in my bones, I knew I had to find something different. I had to find a happiness that wasn’t based on my circumstances.

Soon after, I discovered meditation and mindfulness practice and I haven’t looked back.

Do circumstances matter? Yes, of course, they do, but you can’t rely on them to make you happy. It’s up to you to find the path to living a deep and satisfying life.

MindFitMove Practice
Make a list of everything you think you need to be happy.
Then write down what you would need to feel and who you would need to be to find happiness where you are right now.
There’s nothing wrong with working on list one, but it’s the second list that creates lasting happiness

Let’s Talk: What truths have changed the way you look at the world?
I’d love to hear about it, comment below!

 
by Toku on Mindset

Doing It Harder Makes It Easier

Doing It Harder Makes It Easier, Girl Running, MindFitMove, Mindful FitnessHow Obstacles Arise
My teacher Hogen Bays used to say whenever we set an intention, in that moment, all the obstacles to its completion arise.

Before you decide to do something there are no problems. For a long time I never really understood this. Then I started training for triathlons.

Tri Tri Again
Before I decided to start training for my first tri, my little commuter bike was fine. As soon as I needed to be riding 2-3 times a week, I realized I needed to get a better bike.

I also wasn’t a very strong swimmer before I started training. But that wasn’t a problem either. I had never needed to swim very far. All of a sudden, I was going to swim 1500 meters in open water. AHHH!

The more I trained the more obstacles seemed to arise. I got shin splints, then IT band syndrome. I had to buy new running shoes. My training partner got injured. The list went on and on.

Don’t Quit
Even though it seemed to be getting harder, I kept going. When I got to my first race, I was nervous. I’ll never forget the sound of the starting horn. Or the feeling of diving into the water.

I struggled with the swim. I did great on the bike except for falling once. The run just about killed me.

As I ran across the finish line, I realized what my teacher meant.

No Problems No Progress
Without all the problems I had to overcome I’d never have finished the race. If it had been easy, I wouldn’t have built up the resolve to keep going.

The world is not what stands between us and our full potential. The world is the path to our full potential.

MindFitMove Practice
Think of an obstacle you are facing in your life.
Write down how you would have to grow and what would you have to give up to overcome it
Then write down what you could manifest and who you would be if you did.

Speak Up
What obstacles have you faced and how have they helped you get where you are today?

 
by Toku on Mindset

Be A Bad Student.

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A Bad Student?Be A Bad Student.

Be A Bad Student.

I was a bad student.
I regularly got kicked out of class for talking back. I got sent to the vice principal’s office. I almost had to repeat fourth grade. In high school I failed geography and German.

Mix and Match
All my life, I’ve been a mix of a good student and a bad student. In some classes I was attentive, creative, focused, and in love with the subject. In other classes I was bored, distracted, and didn’t respect my teachers.

My math classes were like this. In other subjects I was in honors classes. With math I was in the regular classes. I lacked a natural aptitude for math, but I did ok. Until my senior year …

Things Change
In my senior year I had an amazing math teacher, Mr. Stelmaszak. He was different than other math teachers. He was like a cross between Rain Man and Kramer.

Mr. Stelmaszak was excited about math. And he wanted us to be excited too. Amazingly, he helped me enjoy doing math.

So I studied hard, really hard. And that semester, I was awarded ‘most outstanding trigonometry student.’

It wasn’t because I was great at doing the homework. It was because I fell in love with the subject. Even better, I learned more than just trig that semester.

I learned to be flexiblie. I learned I could find joy in the strangest places. Best of all, I learned about myself.

Unnatural Success
Being a bad student and slow learner can be one of the best gifts to receive. It forces us to learn, to overcome, to adapt, and to grow.

I see this in my friends and clients alike. The people who make the biggest gains are the ones who aren’t naturally good.
When we are bad students we must be a better student of ourselves. As the Dalai Lama says, “Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”

Stumble
Being a natural is fine, but stumbling is even better. When we stumble, we see our blind spots.

If you aren’t naturally good at something you have to work harder. You have to stretch to get better. It’s the stretching that makes deep transformation happen.

Speak Up
How have your struggles helped you grow?

What mistakes helped you become who you are today?

Please comment below and let me know.

MindFitMove Practice
Imagine you have a good friend who is struggling to maintain a fitness or eating practice.
Then think about everything you have learned on your own journey of transformation.
What are 3 things you could tell your friend to encourage, inspire, and motivate them?
Write a letter to this imaginary friend.
Start with “Dear, Friend I know you want to quit, but …”
Next take and put the letter in an envelope.
Put it aside.
Next time you are having a hard time take it out and read it.
We are always our own best teachers.