The Art of Leadership

Many people think about leadership as a process or a method.

If I input X then I can get my team to give me Y. And that might be true if the people you were leading were simply robots; easy to program and decode.

But the nature of leadership is that it’s messy humans leading messy humans. Humans who have deep-seated fears, hang-ups from the past, and dreams about the future.

So many leaders try their best to squeeze their teams into a box they want them to be in. They talk about leadership like a big chess game or a mass propaganda campaign. For a long time, that kind of leadership was effective, but the smarter and more powerful human beings have become, the less effective that style of leadership has become.

This is why I often talk to my clients about the art of leadership.

When you see leadership as an art you can begin to see the constraints of your team like the colors in your palette.

You can begin to see the uncertainty in the market place as the distortion your eyes create when it looks out on a landscape.

You can begin to see each challenge as an invitation to create art, inspiration, and possibility.

But this can only happen if you let go of the machine of leadership and the x=y mentality.

If you paint by numbers 1 may equal red, but if you paint as an artist 1 can be any color you want, so long as it invokes purpose, beauty, and serves the people you long to change.

Leadership as an art can be intimidating because what’s right gives way to what works and who’s in charge gives way to who’s committed.

But people are done being treated like machines. Especially the kind of smart, talented, caring individuals who you want to lead.

This is why when you take on the task of leading with art not only does your life get easier and more interesting, the people around you also become better at being who they already are.

 

How I Reply To Social Media Posts I Don’t Agree With

Anti-vaccination posts.
Anti-mask posts.
Posts about Bill Gates being a Lizard King
Posts that spread racist or sexist ideas

You see them all the time. You don’t agree with them. But what do you do about them?

This question comes up for me all the time. And each time I’m torn.

On the one hand, I know that allowing misinformation and bigotry to spread unchecked only makes things worse.

On the other hand, EVERY time I respond to one of these posts I get attacked, piled on, dismissed, or even worse I somehow seem to invite more conflict from both sides.

So what do you do?

To be honest, this is why I avoid commenting on posts I disagree with, but when I do I have found one way to offer a different perspective that seems to create the most space for people to connect around their shared values.

Here’s what I do:

1) Talk about your own experience – Instead of telling people they’re dumb or crazy. Simply share your own experience of you’ve grown and changed in your understanding.

For example, this year I bought a gun for target shooting. I believe in gun control and yet when I went to buy my gun I found the process frustrating. It seemed like there were so many loops to jump through and details to manage. But then I remembered that if I was angry or bent on violence all the steps and safeguards may have given me space to really think about my actions, it might have helped me calm down, and decide to not hurt someone I cared about. I get how annoying it is, but I’m glad we have laws that help keep us safe.

Now when I talk to people who are against gun restrictions I can share this experience. Not from a place of ‘guns are bad and you’re a violent nut for liking them,’ but from a place where I truly honor the desire to do something you enjoy and the frustration with laws that seem to get in the way of that.

By sharing your own experiences of how you relate to an issue, you make your opinions about you. You invite people into a story of your life, rather than creating a story about theirs.

2) Honor other people’s feelings – Often when we disagree with someone we discount how they feel. How can they be angry at immigrants? How can they be scared of something that’s been proven safe? How can they feel so reassured by false facts?

But even though they may have come to a different conclusion, their feelings are real.

SO when you talk to people honor their feelings. Express empathy with their desire for freedom, the longing for safety, their sense of unfairness, and then offer a new way to look at the same issue.

“I understand that you get angry at the thought that people who break the law might take jobs from law-abiding citizens, it makes sense, and I learned something the other day about immigrant labor that made me think differently about that.

“I understand that vaccines feel scary and that after hearing some people’s stories you feel cautious. When I hear those stories a part of me feels worried too.”

When you do this, you’re letting them know, ‘ You’re not crazy to feel that way’ and I have a different take on it. When you really hear people, you make it easier for them to hear you.

3) Don’t make other people wrong – Finally, if you can, don’t make the people you’re disagreeing with wrong. We usually do this by saying things like

“people who don’t wear masks are idiots” or “anyone who doesn’t get their kids vaccinated is a bad parent”

If someone is calling you an idiot or a bad parent, you’re not likely to listen to them.

So instead let them be who they are and simply offer an alternative point of view.

“I get that people who don’t wear masks care about their personal freedom, but for me, I realized that in this case, my freedom might hurt someone I love.”

“I can really feel the love anti-vax parents have for their kids. I care about my kids too and I’m scared they might get sick from some of the horrible diseases we have vaccines for. . . “

By understanding and honoring their intentions even if you disagree with their conclusions makes a big difference.

At our core, we all want the same things. We want our friends and family to be safe and happy. And while the strategies we use to get there might be different, the desire is the same.

Learning how to tap into this, is sort of like a magic spell. One that helps us connect with the deep humanity underneath opinions and points of view. If you can learn to come from this place consistently there’s so much that’s possible. ANd it’s this kind of deep compassion that our world needs now more than ever.

 

3 Questions To Achieve Balance

With no office to go into and our dining room table serving triple duty, the concept of work-life balance may seem more elusive than ever.

Sure we’ve got child care to deal with and reports to finish. So we squeeze ten minutes of virtual yoga in a week, order take out to give ourselves a break, and never seem to be able to catch up with our endless personal and professional to-do lists. But that’s what being a top performer is about, right?

For years I thought being ‘successful’ in business meant sacrifice. I liked #hustle posts and worked 60 hour work weeks. But it was all ok because it was ‘just for now’ and ‘would lighten up soon.’ I thought once I scaled and leveraged I would have the time and space to do things I want (and maybe even take care of myself).

That day never arrived. Instead, I burnt out and was forced to choose something else.

That’s when I learned that the key to balance is less.

And here are the three questions that helped me find my way to the space that truly felt good.

1) Is my life enough? Can my life be enough?

For years I thought my life had to become something else. I had spent 10 years stoned and drifting from one job to the next. Yes, I had some cool stories, but I often looked around and felt behind. I’d never be a 30 under 30 or even a 40 under 40, (Was there a 50 under 50 category?)

So when I started my own business it felt like I was always trying to catch up, to prove something to someone, but no matter how much I achieved, (six figures in two years as a coach, clients paying my $20k+, a TEDx Talk) I was never satisfied.

Then I started asking myself, what if my life is enough right now? Can I be satisfied with it, even if nothing changes?

Slowly I began to relax. I didn’t stop working or creating (I actually wrote two books that year) but I felt differently about work. Instead of being fueled by a need to prove something I was filled by a desire to serve and to do work as an expression of my life. From this place I was able to see what was extra and slowly let it go.

2) Why am I scared of open space?

Often I have filled my life with things just to pass the time. I’ve signed up for classes, created chores, did extra work, answered stupid emails, and so much more. I began to realize I was scared of open space. And I began to wonder why?

So I cleared extra time in my week and I made space to just be. Sometimes I would putter around doing dishes or play guitar, sometimes I would read books and go for long walks. In that space my feelings emerged, loneliness, grief, but also joy and peace.

I saw that my fear of open space was a fear of feeling and of being with myself. Once I had faced this fear and felt the relief of allowing my heart to breathe, I was able to let go of the things I only did to fill my time or push away the anxiety underneath all the doing.

3) What could I do better if I was fully rested?

For a long time, I only slept 6.5 to 7 hours a night. I would wake up in the morning with a grip in my chest. I would stay up at night hoping another episode of the office would put my worries to bed. But instead of dealing with my anxiety and my lack of worth I simply floated through life half awake and half irritated.

When I finally cleared some space with myself I started sleeping more and better. Instead of the anxiety raiding my bedtime hours I was dealing with it during the day and that meant I had space to relax at night.

The better rested I felt the better I worked. The better I worked the more unwilling I became to work from tiredness. And all of this led me to see how working from a place of depletion only made it easier to be stressed out and overwhelmed.

This insight helped me become bolder in what I let go of and more disciplined in saying no and letting other people do their part. Slowly things that I was convinced I had to do just started disappearing, people around me stepped up to help me out, and I found that being fully rested made it more possible for me to be fully resourced as well.

That’s it, these three questions are the ones I come back to again and again. They remind me that balancing too much isn’t really balance, it’s simply a shell game where I shuffle my stress and anxiety to a different part of my life. Instead, if I find a way to make more space, do less, and trust myself slowly, balance doesn’t become this Olympic feat.

 

My Simple Cheat Sheet to Customer Service

Mostly we look at customer service like we look at cleaning out our garage; it’s something we have to do. The mess piles up. People complain. We want our customers to be happy and yet we find them impossible to please and incredibly annoying at times.

All of this happens because of the way complaints or upsets occur to us. Mostly complaints and upsets occur as something that is being done to us or happening to us.

We hear the feedback and before we know it, we’re assessing if we agree or disagree with it. We’re looking to see if this is our fault or not.

If it is our fault, we feel bad but it may not stop us from getting defensive.
If it isn’t our fault then we either get really defensive because MAN is this not on us OR we put on an act for our customers.

We pretend they’re being reasonable, we act as if this is our fault (even though it’s definitely not).
But whether or not it’s our ‘fault’ there’s a better way to relate to customer service.

Customer service is about being with our customers.
Whether they’re being reasonable or not. Whether they are right or not.

If you choose to have customers, you take the risk of dealing with unreasonable people.

 

Why I Make My Bed in Hotel Rooms Now

When I worked as a roadie I never made my bed in hotels. Sure I would pick up trash and try not to leave the room as a total disaster (something I wasn’t always effective at), but I never made my bed.

After all, I thought, they’re just going to strip the sheets anyway.

Then I noticed how it made me feel.

I noticed that when I left my room, I felt a bit sad, a bit like a slob, a bit like I don’t really care about myself or my bed.

So I started making it. No military corners or tight lines, but I’d place the pillows in a good place, pull up the comforter and fold it over.

As I sat there and looked at my bed, it felt complete.

Leadership at times is like this, it’s making a bed that someone else will simply mess up.
It’s being something and creating something in the face of that very thing being undone.
Right now as our world is going through so much, you may see this great being undone as a reason not to lead.

When in fact, it’s when we need your leadership the most.

 

Be With Complaints Like Rain

If you have a baby, it’s going to cry, and if you lead people, they are going to complain. This isn’t a diss on people.

It’s not that people are whiny, but quite the opposite. Our capacity to deal with tremendous challenges and adversity is incredible, but we also complain.

We complain because we’re not happy.
Because we don’t know what to do.
Because we feel like we don’t have power.
Because we want to be seen and loved and listened to.

The challenge for you as a leader is how to respond to these complaints.

“Yeah yeah I hear you”, without really listening
“OMG I HAVE TO FIX THIS”
“This complaining is SO annoying”

But none of these will get you anywhere.

So instead, be with complaints like rain: let them tell you the weather and show you where new leadership is ready to grow, while also letting it roll off of you.

Rain isn’t personal. And even when it seems that way, complaints aren’t either.

 

How To Discover Your Life Purpose In 3 Easy Steps

Each year at the monastery we did a retreat all about discovering your life’s purpose. It was a whole week of sitting in deep meditation, completing exercises about what our lives meant to us and asking ourselves why we were here on this earth.

My last year at the monastery I decided I was really going to go for it during this retreat. I was determined to discover my life’s purpose so deep, true, and powerful that I would have no doubt what my life was really about.

So I sat like my hair was on fire, I dug deep with each of the questionnaires I filled out, and I searched each part of myself to discover what my true life purpose was.

But nothing happened. All I found was fog. A deep and unrelenting fog that covered over every answer that I sought. It seemed like the more I dug, the more I probed, the more I searched for answers, the further that answer moved away from me.

This fog lasted for months and my meditation became like a dry desert devoid of life and insight. I felt hopeless, angry, lost, confused, and desperate for anything else to arise. But nothing did. The field of my purpose was vast and empty.

Then one day during meditation I gave up and something shifted, my purpose arose in me from a place I didn’t even know existed.

It’s so simple and yet each time I say it I go back to those hours on the cushion, that moment of clarity, and the expansion of my heart.

And I’d like to give you a little taste of that as well. Which is why I want to share with you a simple process to discover your life’s purpose.

STEP 1 – Study Purpose

To start, you need to study purpose and what it means to have one. A great place to start is the first chapter of Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Start with the End In Mind.

In this chapter, he invites you to do a simple exercise where you imagine yourself at your own funeral and you consider what people might say about you. It’s a confronting exercise but a deeply powerful one.

But don’t stop there. Consider other ways to discover your purpose. Write your own obituary. Sit in meditation with the question ‘Who am I?’ on every inhale allowing space for any answer to arise as you exhale.

  • Read Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer
  • Read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
  • Read the War of Art and Do the Work by Steven Pressfield
  • Read Siddhartha by Herman Hess
  • Read Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
  • Read Ruling Your World by Sakyong Mipham

Find other books and read them. I’ve read all of these and more. Become a student of purpose. Do ALL the exercises and the writing, reading isn’t enough you have to dive into purpose.

You may find that you have a clear purpose or mission statement, you might stumble on something deeply profound. If you do, write it down, sit with it, enjoy it, play with it, and be with it. Don’t worry about if it’s the right or final answer. Just be with it and see what happens.

STEP 2 – Thrash

If you’ve got a purpose statement or a purpose nugget now, great. If not, that’s ok too. Pick one. It’s ok if it’s a bad one, but pick something you’re going to practice with. Choose it powerfully.

Then put your whole life behind it.

If your purpose is to save the whales, then join organizations about saving whales, read books, do fundraising, talk about it with your friends, do letter writing campaigns, protest, and take trips to see whales in the wild.

If your purpose is to become a great writer, write every day, read every book on writing you can get your hands on, hire a writing coach, study other writers, take a writing class, analyze your own writing, and fight the demons of resistance. Write, write, and write some more.

Whatever you choose, put your whole life behind that choice. Really go for it.

Thrash like a maniac.

At some point, your purpose may lose its juice, if it does, stick with it a bit longer. If it doesn’t get stronger after the dip, it may be time to let it go. See if there’s something deeper there, if not, just choose another purpose and throw yourself into it.

At some point, you’ll see something. I can’t describe what it will be. It’s different for every person. It may not be a moment of total clarity, but something will happen and when it does, notice.

Write down your purpose. You’ve got a nugget now. A nugget defined by thrash and life, not just some theory of purpose.

A note of caution: phase 2 can take years. It doesn’t always, but be patient and diligent through this phase.

STEP 3 – Turn your purpose into a question

To be honest, a purpose is sort of meaningless. Your purpose may be to give a voice to children who don’t have one or to bring more magic into the lives of everyone you meet. My purpose is to serve those walking the path of awakening in a deep and fundamental way.

These are great purposes, but they are just bars. Bars which you measure yourself against. A good purpose is often a high bar and at times can feel intimidating, so turn your purpose into a question.

  • How can I give a voice to children who don’t have one?
  • How can I bring more magic into the lives of everyone I meet?
  • How can I serve those walking the path of awakening in a deep and fundamental way?

Then begin to answer that question with your life. Don’t worry about it being a BIG answer.

Sometimes the answer will be small. I can serve awakening by being kind to my server at a restaurant. By offering an acknowledgment to someone who upset me. By writing an article and posting it to my blog.

Sometimes the answer will be big. I can serve awakening by writing a best selling book, having a life changing conversation with a powerful leader, or founding a spiritual center.

Don’t be afraid of the big answers. Don’t overlook the small one.

Turn your whole life into an answer to that question. Become the answer.

Get to work

That’s it, that’s the magic formula. I get that it might feel daunting. Life is daunting. It’s this vast span of decades with no clear instructions. It’s this blink of an eye experience that vanishes before we expect it to. Life is a paradox and a question. What will you do with me?

But it’s a worthy question to ask and answer.

Without my purpose, my life wouldn’t mean much, not because my life wouldn’t offer value or have an impact on those I care about, but because I have to decide what it means.

My purpose is my choice. My life is about awakening, for myself and for others. This is my task.

Doing the work is worth it, even (and most often) when you don’t think it is. So get to work.

 

Stop Endlessly Coaching Your Team

Your job as a leader is to help others to become leaders themselves.

In my experience as an executive coach working with leaders from all over the world, 90% of your on-the-ground leadership happens inside of conversations.

You set goals, people go to work, and stuff goes wrong. Sometimes you correct a problem one time and that’s it. The team gets it and they fix the problem for good.

Sometimes the problem keeps happening. When it does, it DRIVES YOU CRAZY!!! There’s new problems all the time, so the old problems that stick around can be infuriating.

Most of the time, as a leader, you do a crappy job at these conversations, partially because of frustration and partially because you’ve never really practiced them.

So I’m going to break down step by step the exact process I’ve taught people to use when they talk to their distracted co-founder, their smart but underperforming coder, and even their kind but fumbling assistant.

Not only will this framework help you be more calm, but it will greatly increase the likelihood of not having to have as many of the same conversations over and over again.

You are going to need to start by learning how to talk to people.

How to Prepare for a Why Does This Keep Happening Conversation

You’re likely going to have your own thoughts and feelings about an issue or person before you talk to them. As a leader, it’s important that you address and put aside your personal feelings before entering into a conversation so that you can successfully hear the other person and move forward together. Do the following to get yourself clear and prepared:

1. Let go of being right – If you’re a human being, you are probably pretty sure you’re right about what’s wrong and how to fix it. Especially if there are issues with the other person. The team member may be lazy, inattentive, out of integrity, or at least some version of hopeless. I know you want to be right about them and that’s OK. In order to prepare, you need to start by trying to let that go. Assume that you don’t have all the information and don’t know exactly what’s going on. Then, assume you are at least as responsible, if not more than they are. If you struggle with this, make sure you do the next step.

2. Process your emotions – There are bunches of ways to do this. You can write things out, bang on pillows, or you can simply have a venting session. The idea is that you express or write down ALL of the thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations that come up when you think about this person or situation. Get them all out without filtering, in a safe place. Write an angry email (don’t address it or send it) or talk to a trusted advisor. Coaches are especially helpful for something like this.

3. Just the facts, ma’am – Once you get the feelings out, next write down just the facts of the situation. Like the things a camera could record. Word for word what they said. Moment by moment what happened. Try to notice any judgments or assessments. Descriptors like slow, dumb, incompetent, and late are all assessments/judgments. Try to be as clean as possible. If you notice more feelings come up, go back to Step 2 and get them out. That’s OK to do.

4. Get clear on your side – Try to look at what you could have done differently and what you can be responsible for. If it was 100% on you, why might that be the case? It’s probably not all your fault, but it probably isn’t 100% theirs either. Your ability to point to your mistakes will open up a safe space to admit common problems. Remember, taking responsibility is part of your job as a leader.

How to Structure Coaching Conversations

Once you’ve prepared and are clear on your end, you’re ready to actually talk to the other person. Here is a framework for the conversation that will help you to sit down with them most effectively and move in a direction you both want to go. These steps are best done in order. No matter how much you want to get your perspective across first, I’ll urge you to listen before sharing. (Note: This sample conversation comes after previous conversations addressing the same problem. Don’t get hung up on that. The structure can be used at any time.)

1. Set the context – Be simple, direct, and state the outcome you want. Get on their side and look at the problem together.

  • “Hey I wanted to talk with you. I notice that we keep having the same problem crop up again and again. I don’t really want that to keep happening and I imagine you might also feel like I’m nagging you. I want to talk about it so we can see what the breakdown is and find a way forward.”

2. Identify the problem – Refer back to the ‘just the facts’ process. Explain what you understand is happening. Take time to pause and see if you missed anything.

  • “So here’s what I’m noticing. When I ask you about the sales numbers you express enthusiasm and yet we have missed our target 5 times in the last 90 days. I just want to check in. Do I have that right? Was I unclear on the targets at any point? Or are we on the same page that the targets were clear and we haven’t been hitting them?”

  • “I also want to be clear that we’ve talked about this 3 times. I’m sure I could have been better in those conversations but I just want to make sure that I’m not confused that we’ve tried to address this in the past.”

3. Find out what’s missing for them – Get their take on why this keeps happening, listen to their experience, reflect what they say, and acknowledge that it makes sense. Do this even if it doesn’t make sense from your perspective. Try to get into the world view from which it does make sense.

  • “So I want to understand here. It sounds like sometimes you feel the targets are unrealistic and that I haven’t heard you when you’ve said that. Do I have that right? Ok, yeah I get that, that makes sense. It’s a hard conversation to have when we feel targets are off. I get that.”

4. Share your experience – After checking in with them, share your experience and take responsibility for your part in it. Refer back to your responsibility list or anything the team member brought up. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Don’t be a jerk. Share your feelings without putting blame on them.

  • “Are you open to hearing my experience? Great. Well, I struggle to know how to talk to you about this. You’re always so optimistic, which I really love, but it feels like we’re not on the same page about the numbers. I find myself often feeling wary before we talk and frustrated afterwards. I can see now that I haven’t taken the time to make sure you get why the numbers are what they are. I’ve also hid my frustration, which isn’t really fair to either of us. I’m sorry about those things. And I want to be able to have frank discussions about our numbers with you.”

5. Discover solutions together – After getting their buy-in, look at the problem together and come up with possible solutions or ways forward.

  • “Ok, how might we move forward in a better way? I really want our relationship to work and having the same conversation, again and again isn’t much fun for either of us. What solutions do you think we could employ?”

  • “Great, I think a mid-week check-in is a great idea. That way we can get ahead of the numbers before we’re too far behind.”

  • “I’d also like to create a set structure for how we deal with not hitting the numbers. I’d like to look at the numbers on Friday and then go through a few questions like, what impacted your numbers this week? What isn’t working? What can we try to improve things?”

6. Create agreement, recap, and acknowledge – Finally, once you’ve got some concrete steps, agree to what you’re going to work on and when, recap the discussion, and acknowledge them. Don’t skip the last part. Show them you appreciate who they are for the company and that you have their back (so long as you actually do).

  • “Great, so we’re going to do these two meetings and the questions I recommended and we’re going to start next week. Are you still a yes to those two? Great!”

  • “It also sounds like we were missing each other when we talked. You secretly thought the targets were unrealistic and I wasn’t being honest about my frustration. We each saw what was missing and we’ve come to some agreement on how to move forward.”

  • I just want to close by thanking you for your candor. I know these conversations can be tough and I appreciate you being so honest with me.”

7. Follow up and inspect what you expect – Once the conversation is over, follow up with a brief write-up and, most importantly, DO WHAT YOU SAID YOU’D DO. If you want to not have the conversation again, stick to your commitments and check-in that they hold up their end too.

Conclusion

That’s it. Simple and direct. If you begin to prepare yourself for conversations with your team — especially conversations that have you emotionally charged — and take time to set context, listen, find what’s missing, and discover solutions together, you’ll start seeing incredible progress from your people. It’s a practice you can start today.

 

7 Questions for Every Writer

It’s easy to go on an endless chase for likes and popularity, but more and more I keep returning to a fundamental question.

Who am I as a writer?
What do I want to say to the world?

So I offer this mostly to myself and maybe for you to consider as well.

How will it change people?
I want to change people –

Seth Godin says all marketing is about bending culture and I guess some part of me wants to change people, to change the way they think about life, about themselves.

My life’s purpose is to serve those walking the path of awakening. I want to wake people up, to life and to what’s possible. So this is what I want from my writing.

Does it change people? Does it wake them up? Or is it simply a distraction?

How will it change you?
I want it to change me –

When I write about my life I truly begin to understand it, it’s probably why my writing often feels like a stream of consciousness. I process as I write.

I want my writing to change me, the way I think, the way I view the world. If I challenge myself as a writer I will also challenge my way of thinking. I’ll become better. I’ll be more kind, more loving, more open, and more wise.

Is this writing making me better? Is it pushing me? Is it challenging the way I think?

Will you make art?
I want to make art –

I’ve wanted to be an artist my whole life.But I can’t paint, I can’t draw, I can’t code. It took me a long time to see words are my code and the reader’s mind is my canvas.

I don’t just want to write to inform or compell, I want to write to make art. I love reading other people’s writing because I can see the art of it. I want to do that, I want to keep making art, to write in a way that get something done with brilliance

Is this art? Is it creative? Can I say it with fewer words? Can I articulate it more clearly?

What will you leave?
I want to leave something –

I’m going to die. We all are. My writing too will also die. Few books and writers live on. But I still want to leave something.

I have an image in my mind of my grandchildren holding a book I wrote. Maybe it’s a book of poems, but I’m not sure yet.

I’ve read writing by both my grandfathers. It’s just these little snippets, but they are so lovely. It’s like they’re reaching across time.

It would be cool if my books lasted generations, but really I’d be fine if it just survived in my family. A small thing to leave, even though nothing really lasts.

Is this what I want to leave? What would I want to write that would matter 100 years from today? What about me is important to know? What have I learned I want to pass on? How might it help?

Can you love it?
I want to love it –

I don’t need to always love the process of writing. Sometimes it’s work. But mostly I want to love it. I want to feel the words flow out of me onto the page, even if the page is just 1’s and 0’s. Even if the writing is terrible.

Are you enjoying this? Are you inspired? Are you creating beauty? Are you seeing the beauty you’re creating?

Who will read it?
I want you to read it –

This can’t just be about me, it has to be about you too. I care about what you want, what you want to change, and what you want to be different about your life.

At the intersection of your concerns and my insight is where a conversation can happen. Even if my half is on the page and your half is in your mind;I want us to talk. And that means making a guess at where you are and doing my best to meet you there.

If I do this well we can meet each other even if we never meet.

What do you care about? Why should you read this? What might make you turn away? What can I say that would help you?

Will you write?
I want to write it –

At the end of the day, there is simply a commitment: to writing, creating, and spending the time crafting words. I am a writer. I almost don’t need anything other than that.

Writing can be its own justification. Like the best kind of love. You don’t love to get something or to give something. You love to love. You live to live.

As circular as it is, there’s a truth to it I can’t explain. Maybe that’s why I’m a writer.

Are you writing? Why not? What if you started? What if it being bad was ok? What if just writing was enough?

To be a writer.

It sounds so significant and grand, but it’s also humbling. I get to join this conversation. I likely won’t be the loudest voice, or the most poetic, or the most successful, but I can still add my part, my words, my love, my commitment to the mix.

This is who I am as a writer.

Who are you?

 

Using Feedback to Improve Writing

As a coach, I’m good at helping people produce their best work. But that doesn’t always translate to me producing my own best work.

Last week my marketing and writing assistant informed me that I’m entirely too hard on myself. That my writing is good, she enjoys reading it, and many other people do as well. Yet I’ve had this feeling there has to be a better way to make my writing better.

After all, I’m a coach, I give people feedback and perspective for a living, so how could I use that skill to improve my writing?

I found the answer in an online course

ALT-MBA

For the past two weeks, I’ve been taking Seth Godin’s ALT-MBA which is a crazy business learning sprint where you ship 12 projects in 4 weeks and give feedback to your peers along the way.

After shipping my first two projects I noticed something.

Every time I gave feedback on someone else’s project I improved my own.

I started to realize that something interesting was happening when I gave feedback to other people. A different part of my brain was turning on.

When I published my own projects I thought, this is pretty good!

I couldn’t really see what was missing. As much as I tried to look at my work through other people’s eyes I couldn’t do it.

THESE ARE MY WORD BABIES AND I LOVE MY BABIES

But all I had to do was take a stroll around the nursery and see what other people had made and I found all sorts of stuff that could be different.

I saw what I liked

  • Clever titles
  • Explanations of the process of creation
  • Fun stories about team members

I saw what I didn’t like

  • Vague descriptions
  • Missing information
  • Hints at gold but no gold to be found

After giving 1-3 people feedback I immediately had 5-10 ideas about how I could make my own project better.

And so I would go back and edit my project, make it better, and smile.

Don’t get me wrong, my projects aren’t perfect, but I’ve been blown away by how simple this trick is.

Ever since I’ve found it, I’ve used it to improve my writing, work on my website, even my coaching ability.

Here’s how you can do it:

Step 1) Find something you want to improve – your writing, website, pictures, whatever

Step 2) Create a rough draft, a mock-up, a few sample shots

Step 3) Find other examples of that thing you want to improve

Step 4) Give it feedback using the following format:

Brilliance – here’s what I loved about this, here’s what worked, here’s what I enjoyed.

Opportunity – Here’s what would make it better, here’s what I wanted to know more about, here’s what was missing

Step 5) Go back and look at your work and integrate the feedback you gave to other people into your work.

It’s that simple.

Creativity never happens in a vacuum, it’s always a conversation, if you’re willing to invite a different part of yourself to the table, you may be amazed at what you discover.